The Value Of Forgiveness
Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.~Paul Boese
Forgiveness is a virtue that grows and expands further the more it is practiced. It is a divine virtue that allows us to touch God Himself. It is through forgiveness that we have the opportunity to touch a human life in a profoundly personal way and perhaps change the course of that life forever. Forgiveness allows us to look at a human being in the rawness of its form and realize that this very rawness lies deep within ourselves. It is through this meeting of ourselves that judgement ceases.
Forgiveness does not mean, however, that we condone or participate in a path that brings pain and suffering to another. One must be wise to separate from such a path and to continue a journey towards greater understanding of love and peace.
I think of my mother, as I contemplate forgiveness. I had only met her one time for about one hour. At the time I did not even realize who she was until after she left and someone told me. In my heart of hearts, however, there seemed to be a recognition of sorts. Then about nine years ago, I started to search for her, primarily to gain understanding. I realized very quickly, however, that she was not able to look at her life and recall events as they were. I think it was just too painful for her. I made a decision to simply accept her as she was - no further questions were necessary. I did not want to add to her pain or to her burden.
When I was a child, I knew she lived only a few hours from where my orphanage was. Yet, I never received one visit from her, or a birthday greeting, or a Christmas remembrance. She signed papers for my brothers to be adopted and yet she never released papers for me to be adopted. It was painful to be left behind two times. When I left Germany to move to the United States, I did not get a farewell from her. When I married she was not there to wish me love’s blessings. When I had my babies, she was not there to welcome them into this world. I have felt an aloneness in my life as only a child who had no parents would feel. Somehow, I imagine, that having a mother covers so much pain and fear as her safe presence envelops a child’s journey into adulthood.
Shortly after I made contact with my mother, I found out that she was dying from lung cancer. As I made several attempts to go and visit her, she disappeared each time and only returned after she knew I had come back to the States. It was apparent she was fearful of our meeting. I sent flowers to the hospital to reach out with care, and I had my children draw pictures for her. I mustered the courage to call her on the phone only to be surprised how tender she sounded. I realized that I simply did not know this person. Her life was broken and I believe her heart was too. In my heart, I embraced her tenderly. I prayed that God might pour His warm, healing oil into the wounds that have gone deep into her soul. I prayed for a tender kiss on her brow as she lay awaiting to die. It was my mother and I had one more chance to touch her in some meaningful way. Once I had learned that she died, I wept. I was glad that her pain and suffering had ceased. She lived her life in how she perceived life. That was her journey, that was her understanding, and that was her path to grow.
I somehow realized that there was really nothing to forgive. I came through her womb, yet, it was never meant for me to grow with her presence by my side. Instead, my path has created in me a hunger and desire to search out meaning, wisdom,truth, love and God. It is a journey that I have chosen to take and in which I continue to grow. It is the only thing that has any real meaning for me and the only thing that makes any real sense.
On the cross, Christ said: “Forgive them, for they know not what they do”. It is ignorance that brings pain to this world and ignorance is what brings pain to each of our lives as we bring pain to each other.
When we bring forgiveness to a human life, it is like a heavy stone that has been changed into a light feather. It is now able to move and dance freely as the wind blows softly on it. It has found new freedom to express its beauty and grace. It has been transformed!
When we receive forgiveness from another, it is like a tender embrace and a warm smile to the soul. “All is well”, it says, “Journey on and let the light of God illuminate your understanding!”
Forgiveness is a treasure that all of us have been given. It is a gift to ourselves, a gift to others and a gift to be received. Forgiveness is the revealing of Divine Love! It is in that Love that all ignorance melts away, and a new dawning has begun. With deep abiding peace we then can say, “God had made no mistakes”!
Viola Jaynes
