Spiritual Things Matter

When you’re comparing yourself to others and find yourself lacking, it’s because you’re comparing your guts to their veneer. ~Author unknown

This is a wonderful quote and so rich in its meaning. Noone knows us better then ourselves. No one! We also don’t see every corner of another persons interior. Comparing ourselves to others then is a futile endeavour that only brings unwarranted frustration and pain. Learning to be comfortable and happy with ourselves creates an environment of acceptance. Learning to understand that many are not comfortable with themselves creates an environment of compassion.

Being a very trusting person, my husband occasionally will remind me that many people will only project one side of their personality in any given situation. So it is that all of us tend to express ourselves in various ways and different dimensions depending on whose company we are in. There is a certain amount of wisdom to that display. A public and private persona is in order if we are to live relatively peacefully and with good boundaries in place. The side that is projected is usually one of our ideal. It is often the best we want to be, or it is the best in us we want others to see. It does not imply however, that this side is not really us. Of course it is! It is a side we allow others to see openly because we are comfortable with that side, it seems right to us and it generally feels safe in doing so. We allow those closest to us to see yet another side, because we feel understood!

I recently encountered a situation where I was only acquainted with one side of this person’s personality. When the other side was projected, it caught me off guard and it brought confusion and bewilderment. After much reflection, however, I came to realize that what I had been seeing was only a person in part. It was a side this person felt comfortable displaying, but it was only one side. The friendship could not ripen and go further because the fear in being honest and being really authentic created a block. Perhaps, I am partly responsible for not conveying more clearly that our relationship was strong enough for complete honesty and for that, I’m deeply saddened.

Proven relationships allow a comfort level to display all sides of ourselves. It takes effort and considerable amount of work to be willing to achieve this type of relationship. There is no need to compare because now a different dimension has been achieved. Both parties are aquainted with each other’s interior make-up. It dispels fear and thus anything can be discussed or worked through because it has become a trusting and honest relationship.

Instead of thinking that someone is not real or is even dishonest, perhaps realizing that the individual’s comfort level in showing themselves is limited. This would be a much better way of accepting that individual. I think when human beings become less afraid of each other, they will feel safer to be who they really are. There is still a tremendous amount of fear in approaching each other. It is difficult to build “true community” when we attempt to compare ourselves to others - instead of accepting each other. Even potentially good and healthy relationships can go no farther unless that fear has been pierced through with sheer love, compassion, and honesty.

It is not easy to build authentic and real relationships - it takes a willing heart and lots of patience. It is realizing that we are all human beings and we all have our strengths and our weaknesses. One must be willing to look deeper into the soul and understand that we all walk a journey which will bring much growth when we learn to be less fearful of each other. All judgements and preconceived ideas must be set aside and love must be the motivator.

It takes a lot of self- honesty and humility to build authentic relationships. The value of it is worth all the effort and nothing can compare to it.

Viola Jaynes

The absolute value of love makes life worth while, and so makes man’s strange and difficult situations acceptable. Love cannot save life from death; but it can fulfill life’s purpose. ~Arnold J. Toynbee

As we celebrate love today, I contemplate what it might mean to love. Love is complex and comes with a wonderful array of emotions and expressions. What would life be like without being touched by its mystery, its pain, its joys and its tears? Being touched by love will bring a change to a human being of such profoundity that even they themselves may have difficulty understanding it.

My mind goes back to Germany, as I was packing to leave the orphanage to move to the United States. My father, an American, had found me after 14 years and I was to make a new life here in this country. As I was packing my clothes, thoughts racing through my mind wondering: would I learn the language quickly enough? Could I make new friends? Was America as great as I had always heard it was? I had fears and yet the youth in me was filled with hope and an adventurous spirit, willing to step out into the unknown.

My thoughts were interrupted as I heard the children calling my name, telling me that I had a visitor. I thought it strange since I usually never had visitors. As I walked downstairs, I saw a teacher standing there that I had in 3rd through 6th grade. I was surprised as she greeted me with a warm and familiar smile. This was a teacher that I had dearly loved but I kept it a secret in my heart. I felt embarrassed about it since she was obviously just my teacher. However, deep in my heart, I had somehow discerned her feelings towards me. Would I dare to think it was love? One of my favorite things she used to do in class was put her hand around the back of my neck when I was being mischievous. She did that with such tenderness and it revealed her heart to me. Perhaps, being mischievous came easier because of that. She had heard from the kids in school that I was leaving for America and so she came to say goodbye.

In her hand she held a small gift with a letter. As she handed it to me, she embraced me and wished me well. I was speechless and my face had turned red. Our last goodbye was quick and then I went back upstairs to read my letter. The letter revealed to me what I had known in my heart for four years. All I could do is weep. I opened my gift carefully and thoughtfully and was moved as I saw it. It was a tiny, gold, four leaf clover pendant. I cherished it for years before it somehow was lost. I would read that letter time and again during my early years in this country. I would weep over it with a broken heart, as I longed to be freed from so much pain. After time, I could no longer unfold it since my very tears had crumbled it under my hands.

This love came with a bittersweet price. Our love for each other has been tried on only a few occasions - but, to its very depth. It was never meant to be a mother-daughter relationship even though both of us had wanted that. As we both have grown in this mystical relationship, we cherish each other to this day.

I have been awakened by love a number of times in my life. Each time, it came with an enormous amount of intensity and expression of my own soul. When love comes, it will bring with it an imagination and creativity which causes us to be able to do that which we never have thought was possible. It allows our eyes to see beauty, I believe, in its purest form. Some say - it is not reality, - but in my heart, I believe it is that brushing of the shoulders with love which brings about such beauty in the arts. Its expressions are the windows to the soul’s yearning to become one with yet a greater power and a greater purpose. Its spiritual implications are astounding.

Love asks many things of us. Its demands are not easy and often bring with it much pain. It broadens us in every area of our lives. Its well is deep. When we work through the pain and mysteries of our own loves, mysteries of the heart and soul are revealed. We somehow understand that life is not just a life on this earth, but truly a spiritual experience. We come to know, even if just in part, what the mysteries and the possibilities are, that lay in love. It will take us to the heights and depths of our very soul, as nothing in this life time will. Oh, how wonderful it is to be able to love!

Though its pangs are strong and fierce, let us never fear to love again and again, until we melt into its very essence.

Viola Jaynes

The nourishment of rain brings new life - even to the heart. ~Viola Jaynes

As my windows are covered with droplets of rain, I look out to watch the drizzle gently fall. I open my door to listen to its beautiful sound. I sit on my step holding out my hands as I simply enjoy one of the most beautiful things that God has created. Rain!

When I was a child growing up in the orphanage, we would often go on walks. My most memorable walks were those on rainy days. There was something happy and frolicsome about jumping in the puddles. We would lift our heads to the sky and let the rain fall on our faces with our mouths open wide, as if to tell the heavens to pour out its sweetest drink it had to offer. I loved watching the bubbles rise in the puddles as each droplet made its own statement. I loved seeing the leaves wet and rich in color, as the rain rolled off, only to await its next drop.

I remember as the rain washed through my hair, the touch of it felt soft and kind. Strangely though, with all of its beauty, I would also feel sadness come over me. Once at home, I would feel the need to tug myself away - alone, to listen, as the rain still poured outside. I found myself longing for something and I wondered about the children who had mothers and fathers at home.

Rain is meaningful to me to this day. It seems to bring out a sense of melancholy, a time of reflection, and always a time to think about God.

Its tiny droplets remind me of tears that are shed in secret and of the many who feel they have noone with whom to share their sorrow. It reminds me that there are greater pains and greater sorrows in the world than my own. It reminds me that it falls on the just and the unjust alike, and thus, it teaches kindness and discernment. For it is a wise heart that realizes the vastness of the world out there, is also the vastness of the world in here.

When our lives feel thirsty and dry, it is the rain that comes to quench that thirst. At times it is clothed in pain and sorrow, and its mantle feels heavy on our shoulders. Still, the fresh water that is poured between each crack, and between each rocky place, flows deep into the rich, warm soil of our hearts. It then brings healing to our brokenness as our earth mends itself with the gift it has been given.

It is after such a rainy season that we take notice that something new and beautiful has been created - something we have never seen or noticed before. It is a gift that is held close to the heart and cherished forever.

Viola Jaynes

Within you there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself. ~Hermann Hesse

There is something reverent about the silence and calmness of the night. I often wake up very early in the morning and the quietness and peace is so profound that I simply sit to take it all in. I notice that even the birds are still sleeping.

As I walk from room to room to check on my children, I stand over their beds and just listen to their calm, rhythmic breathing. It is in their deep sleep that they find the energy yet again, to be fully engaged in all that life offers them. To once again be filled with carefree laughter and joy. To skip and dance as only the innocence of childhood can bring. And to embrace with such purity of love, that one stands but in awe as to how deep into the soul it reaches. How sad it is that many children are deprived of such restful and peaceful nights. A loving thought to all such children, - “Might you be covered with the warmth of God’s loving hand and feel His tender embrace, so that you too may rest peacefully within.”

It is in the stillness of the night, that I find my wholeness again. Stilled from all the chatter, stilled from so much noise, I hear only the silence that the wee hours of the morning can bring. I find rest as I take the time to listen to the wisdom that lies within. I take note that so much of the time, pain could be avoided when those moments of clarity and wisdom are heeded to. You see, I think it is in them that we walk more cautiously and with more care as we participate in life. Only when we carelessly toss the voices of wisdom aside, do we bring so much pain on ourselves. All of us have the ability to reach deep within and allow God to sharpen our vision for the paths that we have chosen.

As I contemplate the silence itself, I am mindful of those who have entered a season of darkness and silence. It will feel to them as if God Himself has removed all presence of divine - such spiritual silence is painful to endure. It can bring depression and grief to such a deep level that it almost feels as though the throat itself has tried up, and there is nothing more to say.

Then, there is death.  When a heart is at peace, death is welcomed as the radiance of God’s light will dissolve all pain and fear that has been experienced in this life.

Just before waking my family for the day, I open the door to look out into the garden and I can hear the first twitching of the birds. I take in a deep breath of gratitude for the wonderful stillness of the night.