The Search for Happiness
Happiness is itself a kind of gratitude. ~Jospeh Wood Krutch
Having read an interesting post by Dr. Helen at www.drhelen.blogspot.com on the effect of women’s anger on men, I brought up this subject with my husband. There are many honest comments on that post that I found very interesting, especially those written by men. I have given this a lot of thought and as my husband and I discussed this again yesterday while hiking, we both agreed that there are many very unrealistic expectations that people have when they enter into relationships - especially marriage. Women, I think, do this even more so than men because we tend to romanticize and idealize a lot more than our men do. Men’s expectations of “never-ending” sex are also realized as an ideal as they continue in marriage or in a long-term partnership. Both parties set themselves up for disappointment and a feeling of victimization.
As I read through the many comments on Dr. Helen’s post, I felt sad for these men. I also felt sad for the women because both partners were obviously hurting. I began to wonder what had happened to their communication over the years. Had the anger become so corrosive that it had even eaten away the ability to communicate? Had the fear of the angry partner become so intimidating that the other just threw up his hands and gave up? Where had the basic respect for each other gone, I wondered?
If growth and change are really desired, each must look within their own heart. One must become honest with themselves over even the slightest matters. No one can bring us happiness. We must take responsibility for our own happiness. It is unfair and impossible to place that task on someone else. True happiness lies deep within us, and nothing on the outside determines that condition. It is amazing how things will adjust themselves in our external world when we begin realize who we really are. We then begin to empower our relationships, and look to them as enhancement and not as fulfillment.
Prayer and meditation are one of the greatest ways to attain such a realization. It takes a focused eye and a determined heart to begin to live a life much more devoted to spiritual things rather than marching to the drums of our materialistic world. It requires a deeper desire to love and to see others in a kinder and a more realistic way. We can begin to pray for others and hold them close to our hearts as we desire change, healing and growth. Most of all, as we begin to shift our focus, we realize a greater love for ourselves. The seed of God is within us. As we begin to nurture that realization, it will begin to become even clearer that the possibilities of such a vision, such a lifestyle - are truly endless. Our ability to choose happiness by choosing God is far greater then we’ve been able to tap into.
Anger is corrosive in every way if it is not looked at and examined honestly. Anger tells us that we are hurting in some way. Anger is not “bad” but it is a signal that something is just not right within us. If we are willing to listen carefully, it will point us in the right direction - but it takes and honest and willing heart to do so. More often then not, we find that much of our anger, which is really pain and fear, is not so much because of the other person as it is within ourselves, and the unrealistic goals and expectations we have set.
The act of giving ourselves to God and turning everything over to Him in our prayers is a way to happiness that will deepen our roots. We will no longer be tossed to and fro each time we feel defensive or afraid, only looking to blame someone else. We will become as a tree planted by rivers of water - the storms may come and go but the planted tree is solid and strong. It will extend kindness and love even though others would rant and rave. It will give with compassion of its nourishing fruits, even though others would only take through greed and fear. Being planted deeply in our convictions to be loving and happy, we will not be moved by fear and intimidation. This kind of compassion and love can only be realized if we fully partake of its Life. Our Source is rich and unending with its creative power to heal and restore even the most difficult of circumstances.
Our search for happiness is our search for God. All else will fall to the wayside and will be realized as hollow and empty. True and lasting happiness can only be found in a living, viable relationship with our Creator God. I am deeply thankful for this reality!
