Spiritual Things Matter

Be tender to the young, compassionate to the aged and tolerant with the weak, for in your lifetime, you will be all of these. ~Confucious

The year was 1972 and I was on my way to spend my usual two weeks vacation at Fraule’s (Frawley) house. On the trolley and bus rides to her home, I would think about how slowly the time passes there. It was a big change from all the activities going on at the orphanage, and it often seemed like stepping back into a different time.

Fraule was an elderly woman perhaps in her late sixties or early seventies. She didn’t fancy coloring her hair or wearing any type of make-up, so she could have even been younger than what she appeared to be. Fraule was a simple woman who never had any children of her own. She had lost her husband in WWII and had never married again. She knew her neighbors well, and when we walked to the near-by grocery store and met someone she knew, she would often stand for an hour or longer chatting as I just stood by waiting on her. She was a robust and large woman, and I would often help her with hand washing clothes outside and hanging them on clotheslines. I always loved the fresh smell of the clothes when they were dry and ready to be brought back inside.

When Fraule knew that I was coming for a visit, she would often prepare a fresh apple strudel or one of her wonderful prune cakes or a marble cake because she knew how much I loved her baking. If she did not have one already baked, we would usually bake one together. I would peel all the apples and cut them for her, and then place them unto the dough. I enjoyed her marble cake as well, and I loved licking the chocolate from the bowl once everything else was done. My very favorite thing was brushing the melted chocolate all over this freshly baked marble cake. Fraule seemed to gain a special satisfaction out of just watching me, and I often would even exaggerate my excitement just to make her feel special. Even as a young child, I could feel that she was very lonely.

Fraule suffered terribly for many years from a condition which caused a ringing of the ears. She never was able to receive any helpful treatment for this condition, and would share with me that it almost drove her crazy at times, especially during the night. It was during one such night when her condition pushed her to do something that I would never forget.

I woke that bright morning with the windows open and the fresh breeze coming into the room. It was quiet in the house, and I could hear the birds singing outside. Fraule and I slept in the same bed, and when I noticed that her false teeth were in their customary place on her nightstand, I began to wonder just where she was. I knew Fraule well enough to know that she would certainly never leave the house without her teeth. She usually woke up early in the morning, and by the time I would awaken, I would hear all kinds of clatter from the kitchen. That morning, however, there was total silence.

I got up and started to look for her. I walked outside to see if she was working in the vegetable garden or in the wash room where she typically would heat water to do the wash or to take a bath. The washroom was locked, but I also knew it could only be locked from the inside. So, I walked around to look through the window. Pressing my face against the window pane since it was very dark inside, I could see Fraule lying still on the floor. I began to call out her name, but my cries did not seem to stir her. I ran as quickly as I could to the upstairs apartment where her nephew, Herman, and his wife Geli, lived. I was talking so fast that they asked me to slow down and tell them what was going on. All three of us hurried down the stairs and Herman pried the door open to where Fraule was lying on the concrete floor, pale faced and forlorn. They called the ambulance right away, and Fraule was taken to the hospital. I was crying and so scared because I didn’t understand what was happening or why.

Later that day, we received the good news that Fraule would be fine. She had taken an overdose of sleeping pills in the hope of never waking up again. The ringing in her ears had become so unbearable that she evidently could think of no other way out.

I stayed the remainder of the time with Geli and Herman, both of whom were in their mid thirties. They asked me not to tell anyone in the orphanage what had happened because then I would not have ever been allowed back to visit them. I never told anyone.

After that incident, I returned many more times to visit Fraule, but she was never quite the same. She never talked to me about her suicide attempt, and I never brought it up. My elderly friend began to deteriorate quickly, and within about a year after that sad attempt to end her life, Fraule passed away. One night, the orphanage received a call from Geli and Herman informing them of Fraule’s passing and asking permission to come and pick me up for the funeral service. They also asked the director of the orphanage to have my usual visiting time granted to them.

My times with Fraule were never easy ones. Because of her own struggles, she often seemed to take her frustrations out on me. She enjoyed my brother, Jean, so much more because he had a much quieter and calmer nature than I had. Once my brother was adopted, my time together with Fraule became even more complicated. She often would refer to my mother and tell me that I was going to become just like her. Her criticism of me seemed unfair and unjust without any real reason behind it except for the fact that I looked like my mother. Often I would disappear to the upstairs apartment, and Geli and Herman became my refuge while I was there. This would make my time with Fraule even more complicated because she felt rejected by me and would accusingly say that I was ungrateful. Geli and Herman explained that Fraule seemed to enjoy arguing and that she had a very unhappy marriage where constant strife was the norm for her. Herman, being her nephew, also often got an earful.

Every so often, I think about my times with Fraule. As I remember back, this story seems to always come to the forefront since it was so dramatic for me. I do enjoy thinking about the nice time we had together baking and how she would smile at me as she watched me eat her cakes. She was a good woman with a good heart. In my adult years, I have understood that her loneliness just overcame her at times, and her moods were difficult for her to control.

Reaching out with kindness and understanding to elderly people is important. None of us know what burdens others carry on their shoulders. So many live with so much regret and pain. Many lives are filled with extreme loneliness and feelings of abandonment. A kind word, a few minutes of our time, and a gentle touch can make such a difference in their lives. I have often wished that I could have had more insight into Fraule’s heart while she was alive. I was just a child . . . but perhaps, I did learn just a little.

It is truly remarkable how high the human spirit is able to soar when listened to. ~Viola M. Jaynes

Listening to someone is a great opportunity to give the other person a profound and lasting gift. Most people are so involved and busy with their own affairs that true listening has become a rare commodity. There is something so generous and unselfish when one is focused on, really focused on another, in order to see with clarity what this person is not only saying with their words but also what it is they are trying to say from their heart. Word language and heart language can be oceans apart, and yet a gifted listener is able to bring the two together – uniting understanding with emotions.

A gifted listener is filled with generosity to give freely of himself. He has set time aside to simply be available for someone else. He also displays courage for he does not feel the need to talk and persuade the other of the greatness of himself, but rather understands the need to simply stand back and allow the other person to fully express themselves. One who desires to truly listen is filled with patience to allow the other to finish talking without unnecessary interruptions. It takes patience to genuinely listen and not be caught up with trivial worry about the many things that need to be accomplished.

A great listener is filled with kindness, mercy and acceptance. It does not matter what might fall on his ears for he understands the humanness of all of us. He understands that there is nothing new under the sun, and through his understanding and acceptance, he will win a loyal and trusted friend. Through his listening, he will discover in himself the other – expressing passionately what he could not. He will have understood even in greater depth what humanity longs for. To be understood, to be heard, and to be truly seen is a cry that spreads over all lands and all people, and not at all unique just to one.

Once a soul has opened their heart, it is a wise person to guard their story and to guard the other person. For should one carelessly spread this trust, as if throwing seed out to be trampled upon, it will only yield pain and bitterness, followed with many tears. Betrayal will break a heart – and perhaps only with genuine humility can it ever be healed again. Trust that is broken is one of the most damaging things that can be done to another human being. It is a heavy burden to bear on the shoulders of the one who has broken such deep trust. It is even a greater sorrow and a deeper wound to the one that was dealt this pain.

Being a great listener is a true honor. It is a responsibility and a privilege that cannot be taken lightly. It takes maturity and self-awareness to understand that all of us are traveling to find a meaningful and lasting path. It does one good when along the way, a trusting friend is found. Such a friend becomes a resting place to renew ones outlook and perspective on life.

It is not God’s will merely that we should be happy, but that we should make ourselves happy. ~ Immanuel Kant

Ah, what a breath of fresh air this young man’s singing was to my heart. As I sat and watched Paul Potts sing, I realized that he embodied what my continuous growing belief-system is: we all have choices in our lives. We do not have to succumb to a “victim mentality” at any point or time. We can choose to take any circumstance that comes our way and look at it from a powerfully new and refreshing point of view. In all things, I believe, there are lessons to be learned. This young man spoke to the deepest part of my heart as he displayed his belief in himself and the gift that had been given to him, as well as a determination to never give up.

A number of years ago, I attended a week-long seminar that was entitled, “Exceptional Women.” I was moved to observe that each woman there had a story to tell and all were trying to find a better way to function as women, as wives, as lovers, and as human beings. Instead of falling into depression, feelings of helplessness, incessant worry, or allowing obsessive thoughts and behavior to rule their lives, these women had decided to take responsibility for their own happiness. I was deeply moved as I saw these courageous women display such honesty and a genuine desire to change.

Abraham Lincoln once said, “Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

Choosing happiness over chronic anger, frustration, complaining and constant fear, is a much wiser choice to make. It has long been realized that emotions have an enormous effect on our bodies. I am a firm believer that as human beings, it is important to express our emotions fully. To feel anger and fear, for example, is part of our human make-up. These emotions serve us well and help guide many of our decision-making processes. However, it is when we choose to get stuck in these feelings and not grow beyond them, or when we forget to be truly thankful for the many blessings that we have been given in our daily lives, that we are placed in danger of illnesses of all sorts – be it physical, emotional or even mental.

Fear of rejection and abandonment has been one of the more poignant issues that I have had to face. This fear was more deeply ingrained in me than even I could understand. It was a fear that could debilitate me to the point where I would witness events happening around me that, under normal circumstances, I would never allow to happen. That which I feared the most would come upon me, and I would once again begin to feel so broken. However, I also understand that situations come into our lives when we are ready and ripe enough to handle them. I knew that it was time for me to look at “rejection”and “abandonment” square in the face and to have the courage to ask myself some very hard and painful questions. I found out that it could not destroy me, nor could it shatter the strong spirit that I had been given. Most of all, however, it could not destroy my faith.

Choosing happiness over misery takes only one thing: – being truly honest with one’s self, which means to be willing to look at every detail of our life and ask ourselves if this is really the very best that we want to be. Most of us will find something in our lives that we would rather change for the better. When we make these changes, we will become more accepting and loving towards others. It will make us much more able to reach out with kindness and acceptance – that so many people desperately need. The choice is always ours…always.

Choosing to live a much happier life empowers a person to do things they never thought were possible. It gives them the energy and vitality to explore new possibilities. It gives them an odd sense of creativity that they never even knew they had. It will allow one to tap into a higher realm that has always existed but was not realized because our vision was focused on the lower things of this earth.

Paul Potts has indeed set a great example. As Minnie Pearl’s teacher once said, “Bruise your fingertips on the points of stars.” So, do go ahead and reach for those things that you really want in your life. Do go ahead and dare to dream big dreams and challenge yourself to live as happily as you can live. That takes true courage! You might be truly astounded at what all is possible and waiting there for you.

I wanted to add this last clip since Paul Potts won. Congratulations to you Paul! I wish you God’s very best for the rest of your life! You have truly touched my heart.

I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection. ~Sigmund Freud

Being a father is not an easy task. Our men need to be honored in their commitment and their efforts. Pope John XXIII said, “It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father.” I live in a community where there are many committed fathers who truly love their children.

Today, I want to thank my husband and all those men who are fathers to their children for all the effort and hard work that they provide. I want to also thank them for being thoughtful in what their children need from them and for giving another hour of their time even though they have worked all day long and are very tired themselves.

Thank you for being the visionaries that you are – able to look ahead and plan wisely for your children’s future. Thank you for providing opportunities for a good education in order for your children to grow up having all the chances in the world to succeed. Thank you for being wise and able to think through decisions that need to be made in order to come up with the best solutions for your children.

It matters not if you have one child or if you have many at home, but what does matter is that you take the time to love them intensely and to tell each of them how much you cherish them and care for them. Playing with your children and truly learning to listen to them will bring insurmountable value into their person-hood. Giving them the gift to truly be children for as long as possible will give them a youthful spirit and anticipation well into their adult years and beyond.

You understand the importance of your love for the daughter in your life and know that she will grow into a secure and confident young woman not having to shy away from the challenges that will come her way. She will value her womanhood because you have always valued her childhood with all her fragile and sensitive ways. You will always be her hero if you honor her with tenderness, respect, and care.

From your own boyhood, you understand deeply how important a strong and positive leadership role you must play for the son in your life. As he watches every move you make and listens to every word that comes out of your mouth, you have been motivated to be the very best that you are. You understand that the tenderness you show today will be his ability to be a leader for our future. In your wisdom, you understand that in your corrections need to be valuable lessons that will not be feared, but rather will be honored and respected. It is in these valuable lessons that your sons will grow up to honor you all of their days. They will speak of you fondly as they tell their stories in years to come to their own sons.

In your fatherhood, you will discover yourself. You will grow in your own manhood and you will discover that you have been enlarged and enriched as you tirelessly give of yourself. May your own desires be realized and may all your needs be met. May you express yourself in many endeavors to fulfill your dreams and longings. Most of all, in your searchings, may you come to know your God intimately so that your children will follow you in a more excellent path of honor, peace and joy.

Let love always guide your mind and your heart. Life will prove to be much easier that way.

Wishing you a very Happy Father’s Day today!