October 30th 2007

The Old Cabin In Bavaria

So live that your memories will be part of your happiness. ~unknown

One of my fondest memories from my orphanage days was the start of our summer vacation, after the school year would end in August. The orphanage had been given a large cabin in Buching, Germany, that had been built during WW II and was located in the beautiful Bavarian Alps. Since the cabin was originally intended to serve as a temporary shelter to those who were fleeing for their lives, after the war it had no purpose, so it was given to be to be used as a home for our summer vacations. Each group (which usually consisted of 15-18 children) would be allotted a two week time period and usually two groups would go at the same time since summer vacation was six weeks and there were six different groups in our orphanage. This system allowed the children to be with others from a different group who normally did not share the same living quarters. Buching was approximately 100 km away from Hochzoll, Augsburg where our orphanage was located. Since Buching was only about a 1 1/2 - 2 hours drive, we were allowed on one fabulous trip, to even ride our bicycles to our cabin in the Alps. I can remember how excited we were as we looked forward to a more rugged and rustic life - if even for just a couple of weeks.

The Cabin itself always had a certain distinctive odor to it which I only appreciated in that particular setting. It was the smell of old wood and uninhabited space which matched its primitive appearance. Several social workers would go ahead of us to get the cabin ready for our arrival. As I recall, one of the cooks from the orphanage would come along with the group and prepare the meals for all the kids. By the time we would get there, the eating room was arranged in its usual setting. There was a long, old wood table with its fork and knife markings readily visible from prior years, along with plenty of chairs on both sides. Located towards the back of the cabin, were the many bedrooms and bathrooms. Each child was allowed to pick which bedroom they wanted and also choose with whom they were going to share. For the younger children, however, that choice was made by the social workers. Almost all the bedrooms had bunk-beds and, like most children, I always enjoyed sleeping on the top. We would often switch around so by the end of summer vacation, everyone would have a chance at the top bunk. The bathrooms were small but there were a number of them, since, as you can imagine, those fleeing from the war needed more than just one or two bathrooms.

The social workers did a great job planning for the two weeks and I can remember that we had many different and lively adventures. Often, we would fill our backpacks with sandwiches and apples, and spend an entire day, just hiking in the mountains. The smaller children would stay behind with a social worker, who would keep them occupied with age-appropriate activities. Those children, who were able to hike an entire day, could look forward to many exciting adventures and wonderful scenery ahead. Once, we even went on a hike at night and this was particularly exciting for us. Simone, who was my favorite social worker (see “The Laughter Of Simone“) invited her boyfriend, Heiner, to come along and join in the fun. We all so enjoyed harassing Heiner and picking on him - and Heiner seemed to have as much fun with it as we did. It was a sad day for us when Simone an Heiner eventually married and she left her work at the orphanage. Today, though, I am happy to say that we are all in close contact again after so many years apart. Both of them are a delight and as much a gift in my life now as they were back then.

It was always fun when our journey took us through the little towns and villages where the farmers and towns-people would wave as they saw a whole group of children going down the street. On occasion we would see a tractor coming from or going into the field, dogs barking as we would walk passed their farm house, and cats sitting leisurely in their yards. Often other little children, dressed in dirndl and lederhosen, would watch us with curiosity. I am sure they were wondering who we were and where we came from.

My favorite places to stop were always those where we could walk far enough up the mountains to where we could look down into the valley below. It was lovely to see the quaint little towns, each with their own small church encased in the various shades of green and earth-tone mountains. Often one could hear the church bell ring in the distance and a feeling of complete connectedness, peace, and joy would settle in my heart as nothing else could do. I still cherish those moments as they become alive in my memory. There is just nothing like a good hike and then sitting down at noontime to enjoy a sandwich, along with a good crisp apple.The girls would often make “flower crowns” as we sat in the meadow during our break. Also often we would pick a blade of grass, put it between our thumbs and make what we called “grass music.” My own children today find that fascinating. Each year we would visit some of the castles nearby and fortunately for us, in those days, the tourism did not take over the experience. We were able to really soak in the magic and imagine what it was like for a person, or the king himself, living in those days of yesteryear. Those times were beautiful and majestic in so many ways. I particularly loved the crystal clear lakes that surrounded the castles. When you find a spot where you can see the castles and the lakes from a far-away view, it is truly like stepping into a fairy-tale land. One could get lost in its beauty and forget that a different life even exists.

After a long hike, we would often go swimming in a lake nearby. I especially remember a particular little brook with a small body of water that we made certain to visit each year. It was a favorite spot with the children because the water was so clear and incredibly cold that it became a “dare you” game as to who would be willing to jump in first. My fingers and toes easily become snow white when I am cold and just putting my feet and hands into the water seemed to have been enough for me.

Each year we would go, at least once or twice, on a “scavenger hunt” in the forest. I remembered the stories of “Rotkäpchen” - “The Little Red Riding Hood” and “Hänsel und Gretel.” As much as I loved these games though, I always found myself looking over my shoulders…even after I was old enough not to believe in such fairy tales. Walking through the thick, dark forest and being able to hear each crack of a branch, made me aware that the silence was greater than the noise we children would make. I always made sure to stay close to the other children but I would never allow them to know that I was secretly afraid…but perhaps they were afraid as well.

After our evening meal, we often would sit outside after dark, in front of a big open fire, roasting marshmallows and singing our songs. One or two of the social workers would always have a guitar and I cherished those moments of togetherness. The warmth of the fire seemed comforting to me and being cuddled up with the other children during those moments created a special bond of togetherness. There was a calm and a peace on those nights, without any rivalry and competitions of of any sort. The social workers too seemed more relaxed since there was no need for so much strictness and order. They also enjoyed visiting with the other social workers who came along from the other group. They would all sit outside on the porch, talking and staying up long after the children went to bed. We, of course, would often sneak out of our bedrooms to see what all the laughing and carrying on was all about!

Those memories of Buching, the beautiful Alps, the quiet and dark forest, the many wonderful hikes and the beauty of that corner of the world, will stay with me forever. I am very thankful for those memories which bring such fondness and happiness to my heart.

October 24th 2007

Surrender

Love conquers all things; let us too surrender to Love.~Eclogues, by Virgil

Surrender is one of the most difficult things for human-beings to do while on this earth. Our egos are strong-willed and the lower nature finds it hardly imaginable that it could not be wise enough or strong enough to be the master of its own destiny. Sooner or later though, usually through some agonizing pain that befalls us, it is realized that, “Were it not for the Grace of God,” none of us could stand. It is also understood that if one desires to emerge from the infantile state of the ego, surrender to God, who is pure Love, is necessary for the maturation process for our souls. It takes enormous courage to admit to the frailties and pride of our lower nature, and the willingness to surrender to our Higher Power will be the beginning of a new life ahead. History has shown us that once a decision is made to turn away from such a life after experiencing it, the struggle that ensues is usually great since the lower nature and the Higher nature bring great conflict and thus a “House divided against itself, cannot stand.”

Surrender

In surrender to our Majesty, the Light that shines so bright,
We gain the strength, the wisdom and the power
To do more than what once we thought was right.

In surrender to our Great Divine, the Light that shines so bright,
We bring about a different dimension - a new understanding,
And all effort aforetime seems but faint memory left behind.

In surrender to our Lord, the Healer of all things,
We gain insight and understanding,
And heartfelt honesty begins.

In surrender to our Lord, the Healer of our minds,
We begin to comprehend the Greatest Mind,
The reality of the Divine.

In surrender to our Lord, the Healer of our hearts,
We make forgiveness possible,
Bringing healing even to the sorest hearts.

In surrender to our Lord, the Healer of our soul,
We gain courage to embrace all,
Realizing that duality is no more.

In surrender to our Lord, the Healer of our bodies,
Fear of death will have lost its power
As love and faith embrace His promise.

Nothing is more liberating than the willingness to surrender to The Creator, for His Forgiveness and Love bring a knowing that He is The One who truly is the Savior. The burdens of life need not be carried alone - ever - for “he will never leave us or forsake us.” Oh what comfort! I know it as my own.

Viola M. Jaynes
Oct. 2007

October 19th 2007

A Dream To Be

In the midst of projections, chaos, and confusion,
A decision must be made.
What kind of mortal one would like to be,
While traveling on this earth.

When observing nature’s beauties
With its wondrous birds throughout the skies,
I too, can just imagine the freedom to fly -
It matters not how high.

In that simple beauty,
I find the answers to my dream.

Though firmly grounded upon this soil,
I too, can extend my wings into eternity.
To walk humbly on this earth,
To be kind to all I meet and see.
To be forgiving in
every circumstance
And committed to a life of nobility -
To simply be who I am
When spreading my wings beyond gravity.
That which was observed and then received -
In that place of mystery,
So rich in Love, Wisdom and Reality -

Is now mine to give if I choose,
With kindness and simplicity.

Those wings gain momentum and strength
As this vision becomes crystal clear.
There is only one rule to go by -
I am
free to love…and…be.
This mystery is birthed from within.
I can be, truly be…
All that I want to be,
Thus elevating this humanity.

Viola M. Jaynes
Oct. 2007

October 11th 2007

Defining Moments

There is a defining moment in every person’s life. Within that moment, everything that person is, shines its brightest. ~Anonymous

There are times in life when events and circumstances seem to be larger then we are. We often react to these times with uncertainty and fear. If we have lived long enough though, we will have learned that those times come and go and it is important for us to allow ourselves to go through the process in the best possible way.

Carl G. Jung once explained, “I have often seen individuals simply outgrow a problem which had destroyed others. This ‘outgrowing,’ as I formerly called it, on further experience was seen to consist in a new level of consciousness. Some higher or wider interest arose on the person’s horizon, and through this widening of his view the insoluble problem lost its urgency. It was not solved logically in its own life-tendency. It was not repressed and made unconscious, but merely appeared in a different light, and so did indeed become different. What, on a lower level, had led to the wildest conflicts and panicky outbursts of emotion, viewed from the higher level of the personality, now seemed like a storm in the valley seen from a high mountain-top. This does not mean that the thunderstorm is robbed of its reality, but instead of being in it, one is now above it.”

This observation is very meaningful and practical, and I would like to share with my readers about my own experience:

Not too long ago, I was faced with a very painful and difficult situation. Matters of the heart seem to be especially hard to overcome because so much love and trust has been expended. As I was dealing with this difficult situation, my mind wandered back to a time, many years ago, when a trusted friend betrayed my trust and my friendship. I retaliated to express just how badly I was hurting. My own anger though, was more hurtful to me, by far, because it went against everything that I strongly believed in and held dear to my heart. However, there was so much hurt, anger, and betrayal that I literally could feel it rip throughout my entire body. It frightened me and I made a promise to myself to never again allow myself to get that hurt and angry. The situation was quickly rectified because I had been reminded of another experience of earlier days:

A short time after my arrival to this country, I made a spiritual commitment to God and was baptized. Upon my coming up from the water, I felt such an infusion of love and joy and to this day, the experience is difficult to explain to anyone else. I literally could not feel my body weight on the ground for almost a week and I found myself singing most of the time.

Remembering this, I understood more than ever before just how many spiritual consequences there really are in decisions that we make, whether those decisions are positive ones or negative ones. Most of the time we are only vaguely aware of them - but, those consequences are most definitely a reality.

That promise to myself of “never again” recently was to be tested once more, many years after that earlier experience. This time though, it was very different. After I made an untimely visit to a very dear friend and found a very precarious situation, I also learned that this friend had chosen betrayal, instead of honesty, for fear of the consequences that might take place. The measures taken were extreme to say the least. I was so hurt and simply could not believe what was happening, but…it was firmly fixed in my heart to only bless, bless and bless again. I have done just that, as I understood that this was going to be a “defining moment” for me. I had lived long enough to where I had learned from that lesson of so many years ago and certainly did not want to repeat the same mistake again. Personal confidence was gained as I handled the situation and more importantly, handled myself in the midst of it. The question that I had to keep asking myself over and over again as I agonized in pain was, “Is God more important or is the outcome of this situation more important?” The answer, for me, was God and my spiritual growth which is a path I had chosen so many years ago.

The result of operating from a greater understanding this time around, has been a greater love and compassion for those who were involved, and a realization that fear, self-preservation, and uncertainties make all of us react in ways much different from how we would react under more normal circumstances. I understood that this difficult and heartbreaking ordeal was not about my dear friend’s human frailties and lack of courage to communicate openly and honestly, but it was about my own discovery that I had truly grown since the last deep betrayal from a trusted friend. I was gradually able to see this circumstance from a different point of view and realized that this was a very important time in my life. I chose to use this time to learn from past experiences and to process that experience, as well as the problem from the past, from a different perspective.

It has been a rich and productive time for me in so many ways. The pain was felt deeply and at times my pillow is still soaked in tears as I felt my heart break through the choices my friend made. However, the realization of who I am, during a most difficult period, was a very special gift. Defining moments can bring incredible growth and self actualization if we are willing to be truly honest with ourselves, looking deeply within our own hearts. Much is revealed in that heart of ours if we have the courage to look at it without any fear or judgment.

I pray for my dear friend often and hope for the realization that true friendships will reach far past transgressions, disappointments and pain, finding a peaceful land of love, forgiveness, and peace. We are all human beings with many flaws indeed. I realize and acknowledge where I have fallen short and for that I am deeply sorry! My friend is still very dear to me - and always will be. The only thing that has changed is that I have gained once again, a more realistic view, that all of us are on our own path with many lessons to learn.

If you are going through a “defining moment” in your life right now, I hope that you will be strengthened as you calm your thoughts and listen to the wisdom that God has placed within your own heart.

“Be still and know that I am God.”

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