Embracing Death
While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil. ~ John Taylor
Yesterday, we had a death in our family. It was something that happened so fast that everyone is still in a state of shock and bewilderment. It is one of those events where people are wondering about the fairness of life. The sorrow and pain is felt deeply.
My husband’s aunt, a lovely lady, re-married a year ago to a man she had attended high school with, but didn’t know him well until she attended a more recent high school reunion. She was previously married and had two children in this marriage who adore her, but had been divorced for a long time. She worked herself through college and had become a teacher of Texas History and Special Education over the years in a local public school. She is wonderful with young people and has loved her job. At the end of this school year, she was looking forward to retirement with her new bridegroom having planned and dreamed to spend their remaining wonderful years together.
Her new husband had lost his wife about four years ago to cancer. They had three daughters together between 18 – 24 years of age. The family was very close, their marriage was strong, and the children flourished. The loss of their mother was very hard on them. Other family members, friends, and neighbors stepped in to help. They had also lost their grandmother last year, with whom they were all very close.
I remember the first time my husband’s aunt called me and told me that she had found this wonderful man. I could tell in her voice how happy she was, and I was so thrilled for her because I knew that she had not had an easy life. There is something so profoundly comforting when you meet someone that loves you and understands you for who and what you are. A man with whom you can share your life with.
Last month in April, the health problems began. Evidently, he had an abnormal heart beat for a long time, but it had never caused serious problems. Over the last Christmas vacation, the entire family went skiing, and I was told he had some problems getting his breath. Beginning in April, he was in an out of the hospital for testing. It began to look more serious than what anyone had expected. This past week, he had a “code blue” four times. Finally, the doctor and nurse began to cry as they could not bring him back during the last code blue. They felt so helpless because his heart simply wanted to stop.
Entering into the ICU unit, I found family and friends holding each other and crying. His three daughters were in a state of shock, and my husband’s aunt and children were wounded and broken by the death of her new husband. What I heard the loudest was how wonderful it was that those two had found each other, and “how was it possible that life could bring such a sudden death.” They were in the process of building a new home together and making plans for a wonderful retirement. It did not seem fair.
The other thing that was in the forefront of everyone’s mind was the three girls that were now left without their mother, father, and grandmother. How was it possible that these young girls would lose both their parents in a matter of four years? This also seemed so incredibly unbelievable and unfair.
As I looked at this man lying lifeless in that hospital bed, I realized just how large the spirit infills a human vessel. He seemed so frail and small without the spirit of life in him. I realized that the energy and life that makes us who we are on this earth is simply too great to be housed in a small body for too long. Our body is given as a gift to us to learn lessons in this lifetime, after which it is shed to once again return from where it came.
Embracing Death
Oh death, suddenly you come – but we fear you not.
You teach us awareness, each and every time.
You teach us humility and gratefulness.
Your presence brings new resolve into our lives -
to be kinder to all who have been entrusted to us.
To love even more deeply those who need us -
as well as those who want from us.
Oh death, you embrace us with a very cold chill -
leaving us to find warmth and comfort again.
You whisper realities into our ears that are not of this world -
that we might seek and seek,
and then finally find a deeper
and more secure place within ourselves.
Indeed, you are a part of the cycle of birth and dying -
of beginning and ending.
Yet, never the end to Light and Love -
for always it will continue on.
Let comfort come to those who are left behind.
Let light and hope illuminate the heart.
Let time bring its gentle healing kiss -
that tears may transform grief into laughter and joy again.
Let the beauty of life blossom
in each one who has loved him – whom you have taken.
Let them always remember him
and the joy and the love he so generously gave.
. . . Dedicated to the Memory of Barney Bolt . . .
Viola M. Jaynes
May 2008
[...] photoshopping Short/Sweet: Peace begins in the womb Inspiring: Rocco with a Righteous Gentile Sad: A death in the family by TheAnchoress @ 11:09 pm. Filed under Barack Obama, Blogs and Blogging, Bush Good, Dumb [...]
Pingback by Linking around: Bush/Obama/Hamas & more | The Anchoress — May 17, 2008 @ 4:09 am
Viola, I am so sorry for this loss in your family. My thoughts are with all of you.
What a beautiful poem and what a beautiful tribute!
Comment by Liz — May 17, 2008 @ 2:21 pm
Oh Viola, I my most heartfelt condolences to you, your husband, and those children. The death of a father is never easy – I have been working on closure for two years now. I came across a quote when my dad died that I had tucked away. Not overly eloquent or poetic, but author Pamela Ribon said in a book: “It’s sad when our daddies die. Makes us one less person inside.” I trust that the family will be providing support and care for his children though this difficult time. Peace and comfort to your family. -Alan
Comment by KAL — May 17, 2008 @ 2:58 pm
Thank you, dear Kal! The funeral is on Monday and the viewing is tomorrow.
I’m glad you still have your mom and it sounds like you really had a good relationship with your parents. I would love it if you would write about that sometime. Since I did not grow up with parents, I find myself very interested in the various relationships people had with their parents.
Scott’s aunt was so moved by my poem that I have written for her and the girls here, that she wants to include it in the funeral program. I wrote it from my heart as a gift to them. Anything, though, is inadequate after such a profound loss.
Thank you for your good thoughts. I deeply believe it can make such a difference.
Best to you always!
Comment by Viola Jaynes — May 17, 2008 @ 10:56 pm
Viola: That is one of the most beautiful discussions about the death of a loved one I have ever read. Its elegance is found in its simple, straight-forward telling of the story & description of the depth of the loss.
I am very sorry that this tragedy has befallen your family and hope that you will all find peace in the days ahead, esp. your husband’s aunt who had so looked forward to spending her “golden years” with her beloved Barney.
It is certainly one of those times when you find yourself asking “why” and faith is tested.
Blessings to you and your entire family,
HS
Comment by Hopeful Spirit — May 18, 2008 @ 2:39 pm
Thank you, Hopeful Spirit, for your kind thoughts and your kind words. You are such a dear.
Comment by Viola Jaynes — May 18, 2008 @ 2:53 pm
Viola,
When the words of one person can bring comfort to many, we are reminded again of the strength of love, the power of language, and the healing that faith alone can bring. Thank you for reaching across time, space, and your own pain to share such beautiful comforts. Your aunt loves and admires you so much, and I know she will return again and again to the love, hope, and solace in your eloquent tribute.
Debbie Williamson
Comment by Debbie Williamson — May 18, 2008 @ 7:05 pm
Viola,
You write so beautifully. I spoke to Aunt Cherly and she told me that you wrote a poem on your website. I visit your website frequently and love your poems and writings. They are all so heartfelt and inspirational.
Thank you!
Love, Kadee
Comment by Kadee Solley — May 18, 2008 @ 7:13 pm
Debbie, thank you so very much. Your kind words means so much. Cheryl and the girls need our prayers and support. We are all so broken over this event. Thank you for your love and your support.
Comment by Viola Jaynes — May 18, 2008 @ 7:37 pm
Kadee, what a wonderful surprise this was hearing from you. We wish you were here with us. Thank you for your kind comment and we will be thinking of you today and tomorrow as we go to the viewing and the funeral.
Comment by Viola Jaynes — May 18, 2008 @ 7:41 pm
Thanks for your prayers for Mr. D., Viola.
The experiences you describe here remind me to express the love I feel here and now and to live and love without regret. You area teacher.
Comment by SandyCarlson — May 20, 2008 @ 5:14 pm
Thank you Sandy! You are such a rock!
Comment by Viola Jaynes — May 20, 2008 @ 6:45 pm
I’m so sad for them all, Viola, and I will keep praying for them.
Life, as we all know, is not fair. This only becomes reasonable when we absorb the idea of God’s mercy.
Comment by MaxedOutMama — May 20, 2008 @ 7:44 pm
You are so right, Mama! I take great comfort in His wisdom and mercy! Thank you for your prayers and very kind thoughts!
Comment by Viola Jaynes — May 20, 2008 @ 11:03 pm
Its really a sad news.I can realize your pain.Be patient.
Comment by versicherung vergleich — May 26, 2008 @ 6:23 am
Hi Viola,
Best wishes to you at this time.
Thanks for your comment on my blog and your good wishes. Acupuncture does have a great effect and glad you are gaining benefits from it. I’ve got you in my reader so I’ll stay updated.
Damo
Comment by Damo — May 28, 2008 @ 2:00 pm
When someone is so special in our lives, and they die, we sometimes ask, “Why did this person have to go and the people that are not good stay alive?” No matter if they are in a better place, the ones they left behind will continue to miss them in their lives. As these people continue to live within us all, we must continue to go forward in our lives in their memory. Blessed Be to the families that have lost their precious love ones through death.
Comment by Brandon — June 5, 2008 @ 3:58 pm
Thank you Brandon for your kind thoughts and words. I will be looking at your poetry as well. Thanks for visiting!
Comment by Viola Jaynes — June 5, 2008 @ 4:37 pm