A Dream For A Father
A truly great man never puts away the simplicity of a child. ~Confucius
I grew up in an orphanage and those childhood years afforded me many opportunities to imagine how it would have felt to have been a part of a more traditional type of family. Since Father’s Day is just around the corner, I would like to write about my childhood dreams of fatherhood.
As a child, when I felt afraid and alone, I would reflect upon what it would have been like to be able to sit on my father’s lap. In my mind, I could see him wiping my tears and giving me a tender kiss on the forehead, and letting me know that all is well with the world. I would imagine my father embracing me at night and wishing me a good night sleep after reading me a bed-time story. Then, I would rest peacefully knowing that my father is always there. I would wonder how my father would handle someone treating me unfairly and wanting to hurt me. In my heart, I would believe that he would be there for me always. My father would right all the wrongs, make dark days brighter, and always be able to bring me to laughter as he would play and rough-house with me. I would feel the safety and the comfort of having a strong and loving father in my life. Those were just some of the dreams I had when I was a child.
I remember one year in the orphanage, when I was about nine years old, we had a sports competition. Among the other children my own age, I had always been the fastest runner in my school as well as in my orphanage. Of course, I was proud of that fact and I poured everything I had into this competition. That year, another girl ended up winning the race, and I went off alone to sit down and cry. I remember feeling so sad mainly because no one really knew how losing that race made me feel. I also realized that I had nobody to even encourage me to try again the following year, and so I simply never entered the competition again. I can only imagine, had there been a father in my life, that situation would probably have been viewed differently. He would have talked with me about the value of character, and how moments of defeat are only opportunities to try even harder the next time, and that the triumph would then be even sweeter. I know that he would have embraced me with his strong arms and lifted me – holding me close to him, and I would perhaps even have felt his heartbeat.
Today, I am the mother of two beautiful children. As I observe their relationship with their father, it moves me beyond words. I see tender moments between them, and it touches me when I see him taking time to encourage them and to teach them the lessons that life offers. It makes me proud when he leaves work early to be a part of one of their special activities or some other performance that they have worked hard to perfect. My daughter and her Papa both love music, and I smile when I hear them play their musical instruments together. When our son decided to join the school orchestra and learn to play the cello, it was wonderful to see how much interest his Papa took in making sure that they chose just the right instrument. Both of our children will always know just how much their father loves them. They also know that their Papa is always going to be there to comfort them and to encourage them, even when things are difficult.
Fatherhood is a very special gift. The pride a father feels the very first time he holds his tiny baby in his strong arms is, to me, the most beautiful ‘poetry’ of tenderness and strength. During that special moment, he ponders all the possibilities for his child, the joys and the pains his children will experience to make them who they will become. That creates in him an enormous sense of responsibility and devotion. His determination to protect is strong, and his desire to meet their needs will be a driving force to help him stand strong even during the most difficult of times.
Fatherhood is not for the weak of heart. It takes an enormous amount of strength and effort to instill in children the love and value their father has for them. It is all too easy to see the negative side of situations, but it takes effort and far more creativity to teach children the valuable lessons that life has to offer. If a father has a willingness to teach by example and to recognize teachable moments, he will know that he has done his job and will eventually see his children mature into kind and loving people. They will honor and love him as they know for certain that they are tucked away in his large and loving heart.
I have long laid my childhood dreams of a father aside, but I am thankful that my husband fulfills them in our children.
Happy Father’s Day!
Viola,
This gave me chills! By some miracles you have been blessed with insight. Your experience has taught you compassion, and expressing it means living up to high standards of parenting for your kids. It’s beautiful that your husband is there alongside you! My husband is a devoted dad, too.
I smile(sometimes ruefully) when I hear people talk of the wedding as “the biggest day.” It is indeed a big day to make such a promise, but the bigger days are fulfilling that promise through family. God bless!
Comment by SandyCarlson — June 12, 2008 @ 3:55 pm
Thank you Sandy! The one thing that I continually must be aware of is that I have a tendency to be too idealistic…and therefore expect too much. Thank you for your continued encouragement and support.
Comment by Viola Jaynes — June 12, 2008 @ 4:12 pm
Very beautifully written, Viola. Your childhood was very difficult, but you have had the inner strength to become a compassionate and wise mother.
It’s wonderful to read your snippets of family life and to see how you treasure them. Yes, those precious children will grow up much too soon so it is entirely appropriate to cherish all those experiences.
Having a husband who is deeply involved with your children is a true blessing. Because of my career as a Navy pilot and then airline pilot, I was away from home far too much. Even though I was gone a lot, my children knew I loved them. We did many things together -camping, skiing, mountain climbing, fishing, playing ball, horseback riding, hanging out. All those wonderful experiences are engraved on my mind and make me smile as I write this.
We will be having Father’s Day dinner at our daughter’s house this weekend. I’m looking forward to it as only a father can.
Thanks for sharing and Happy Father’s Day to Scott.
Comment by Jimmy J. — June 13, 2008 @ 4:15 am
Thank you Jimmy. It is not easy for men that have a full career to divide themselves equally. But it sounds like you’ve managed to instill in your children your love and admiration. That, too me, is the most important thing.
I wish you a wonderful Father’s Day at your daughters house. I’m sure it will be special! Have fun!
Comment by Viola Jaynes — June 13, 2008 @ 12:15 pm
Viola…sometimes dreams come true. Maybe not when we want them, but when we least expect them. This is a moving tribute to the father of your children and a well-written love story to the man in your life. Nicely done!
Comment by shirelybug — July 2, 2008 @ 12:42 pm
This is a beautiful and emotional essay It is so sad to feel unwanted by a parent your life in an orphanage
had to be lonely and unloved. But the out come of your life changed. you have a husband and children who love you..God has blessed you
Comment by lah1956 — July 2, 2008 @ 12:42 pm
Beautiful essay. I can see with you the image of your dream father. I am so glad you found a husband who is a good father to your children.
Comment by mydandysunshine — July 2, 2008 @ 12:43 pm
When I read this I couldn’t help think about all those who have a loving father, but take him for granite. Viola this is such a well written essay that shows us the longing for the father you never had yet the love of a heavenly father who has blessed you with a loving man. Beautifully written.
Comment by Rose — July 2, 2008 @ 12:43 pm
This is a heart tugger. I can not imagine not having the love and guidance a father provides. It appears you grew up with all the knowlege of what was lacking and learned from this. I can only imagine the comfort and pride you feel for your husband by his interactions with his children. This is a wonderful write and one I thoroughly enjoyed reading. Good job my friend.
Comment by becky — July 2, 2008 @ 12:44 pm
As always, beautifully written. It shows that the father is equally important in a childs life. Father plays a key role in shaping up childrens future. Thanks for sharing it.
It took me back to the good old times i spent with my father.
Indeed, fatherhood is a very special gift. I feel so happy and proud when I see my husband take time out for our daughter. He does things for her which he has never done before.
Comment by som — July 2, 2008 @ 12:44 pm
Viola, your story is the second story that has moved me to tears. I didn’t have the dream kind of father in my life, but my husband sometimes ends up making up for the lack of a father that I had by gentle reminders that help me remember not to be like my dad was while I was growing up. I always had dreams of how I hoped my dad would be in different situations, too. He only realized how he was after we were grown up and couldn’t stand him. It’s amazing how our husbands realize all that stuff and can respond to it in their own special way.
Comment by dolyco — July 2, 2008 @ 12:45 pm