The Gain of Loss
Loss pierces the heart – only to notice that the arrow landed in something new. ~Viola M. Jaynes
To live is to experience loss. Loss can bring about intense pain and suffering and unless one receives clarity of the meaning of the loss itself, it can turn into depression and sometimes even physical illness.
I think back to the summer of 1976 when I was to make a new life here in the States. I was fearful of all the new things that would await me, yet thrilled to be learning a new language, being in a new culture and gaining the closeness and warmth of a family.
However, it was not very long before I realized that those illusions were simply that – illusions. The possibilities were not there because the family I had come into was deeply troubled. It was a time for me to become stronger, a time of finding something within myself that I could trust and on which I could rely. I missed my well-established routines in the orphanage and the consistency of the social workers being available, helping with homework, sitting down to our scheduled meals and having our scheduled bedtime. I realized that the foundation of my orphanage years were solid and they built something in me that would always be a part of my life. I have often been very thankful for those early and formative years.
I sometimes contemplate the meaning of those early years in this country. The deep disappointment that I felt of losing a dream. A dream that I had created in my own mind and heart to have a close and loving family. A dream of being welcomed and supported with each new effort that was made.
I contemplate and listen to the wisdom of my own heart:
The desire of family is the unity of a Greater Reality that my heart already knew. The dreams and hopes were possibilities, unending, that could and would still be realized. The courage to step out to start a new life, was the courage I would realize again as I commit myself to a spiritual path. My hopes and dreams for warmth have been realized, in measure, as I love and cherish my own children.
Losing something that we hold close and dear to our hearts is profoundly painful. Could it be realized though, that this loss really represents a new opportunity? This is a new chance to give birth to the wonderful and creative force within, to bring into existence the beauty, the ideal, the dream of our hearts. It is within our power to do so. It will bring clarity and a realization of the strength that dwells within each of us. It will free us into greater heights of possibilities, and a much greater awareness of who we are.
Every person must work through many things in life. It is only through searching that we are able to find meaning and answers. Apathy and anger towards the things that have played out in our lives will only bring us greater pain. Blaming others will only lend itself to a victim mentality which can never bring about any growth or any real possibilities for spiritual ascension. The basic antidote to our brokenness is humility by turning one’s life completely over to something much greater than ourselves, and trusting in Him/Her for their wisdom and their foreknowledge. I am convinced that this energy of Love never falters and its kindness is always extended to us. This is the creative force, housed within each of us, that beautifies our lives and allows us to create our finest dreams. It is this Love in which I deeply place my devotion and my trust, for without it, life for me would be without any real meaning and without any real purpose whatsoever.
At the end of our journey, I believe, we will notice that during the most painful events of our lives, we also, simultanesouly, began to live life a little more thankful, a little kinder, and a little more gentle toward ourselves, as well as others around us. It is precisely during those moments that a sudden leap was made into a search for true meaning, if we were willing, truly willing…to be honest with our selves.
To all those who have suffered loss, – be at peace!
Let us never forget to be kind to a hurting world. Let us never forget to reach out to others in tenderness and understanding. It is amazing the healing power kindness and love can bring to the human heart. It is transforming!
A secret friend sent me this poem by poet Darrel Kincaid. You can read it in its entirety here.
“Lesson learned is not to Love less,
With Love,
lesson is, to learn to Love Grander
With Gain.”
~Darrel Kincaid
Portions of this post have been previously published
A thought provoking read Viola. I too like you know pain. I thank you for the courage and strength you have to write about this. May your writing help others through their grief.
Comment by Rose DesRochers — March 11, 2007 @ 10:21 pm
I have a poem for you, the title is
“The Gain of Loss”
Hardest of Lifes lessons is loss,
In which having becomes without,
When complete changes to shatters,
That what was full is, just an emptiness,
And guided becomes lost.
Security of knowing, fades to a memory,
Images of Love, become dreams,
Security of touch, a sensation ebbed away,
And Loneliness becomes company.
When the weakened Heart, strengthens,
tired from the weariness, of loss,
Growing, of the last Love,
To become the strength,
Of the next.
Lesson learned, is not to Love less,
With Loss,
lesson is, to learn to Love Grander,
With Gain.
Comment by Anonymous — September 13, 2007 @ 12:09 am
My very dear anonymous,
You brought tears to my eyes as I read this poem. I will print it and safe it with my belongings. I am a person that has always felt deeply and intensely and when I experience a loss, I feel it just as intensely. Thank you so much for this poem. What a precious and very meaningful gift!
Comment by Viola Jaynes — September 13, 2007 @ 12:38 am
P.S. As I read this poem, I realize that you, dear anonymous must have written it. Thank you very much!
Comment by Viola Jaynes — September 13, 2007 @ 2:08 am
Your welcome Viola, I’m glad you liked it.
Comment by Anonymous — September 13, 2007 @ 11:46 pm
[...] I received a poem from an anonymous reader on one of my posts entitled, “The Gain of Loss.” As I read it several times, tears came to my eyes because it was so fitting. I can only [...]
Pingback by Spiritual Things Matter » The Gain of Loss (poem) — September 19, 2007 @ 1:39 pm
Dear Anonymous Friend, I printed your lovely poem on nice paper and placed it in a pretty frame. I have it sitting on my desk where I do my writing and I look at it often. It was truly a wonderful gift and I thank you again for it. Perhaps one day you could let me know who you are so that I can properly thank you. It is the best gift I have received in a long time. Very, very thoughtful and meaningful. Thank you, my dear anonymous friend.
Comment by Viola Jaynes — December 14, 2007 @ 10:53 pm
Very moving and insightful, Viola. Also, a wonderful poem by your anonymous reader.
My losses have been grievous and I am deeply scarred. Having encountered Grace helped me to carry on….to lift myself up when I had fallen. I learned to trust that, though it was not plain to me, the Universe was no doubt unfolding as intended by the Creator.
Most days when I am out in public, I often pause to observe my fellow travelers. I sense there is loss and many are carrying a burden of some measure. But they carry on. Everywhere in daily life there is heroism, faith, and love. Knowing that buoys me up and carries me along on the tide. Yes, we are individuals, but joined by our common experience and loss eventually touches all.
Comment by Jimmy J. — December 10, 2008 @ 6:01 am
Dear Jimmy,
Yes, I believe you are so right. Sooner or later, each person seems to be touched by a deep sense of loss and aloneness. I think it is during those times, though, that we are able to discover ourselves in a much for genuine way.
As always, my thoughts are with you. Thank you for sharing in such a meaningful way!
Comment by Viola Jaynes — December 10, 2008 @ 12:00 pm
Thanks for writing such beautiful words…it heals!!
Comment by gratitude — August 24, 2009 @ 12:34 pm
Gratitude, thank you for your kind words. After your comment today I read this again myself. I encouraged myself.
Thank you!
Comment by Viola Jaynes — August 24, 2009 @ 2:08 pm