Spiritual Things Matter

Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom; mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.
~Lao Tzu

I read a wonderful essay that Dr. Sanity wrote which gave me so much to think about. If you would like, you can read it in its entirety. She speaks of the defense strategies that we humans use in order to protect ourselves from each other.  She says:

“The most psychologically healthy of these strategies are those that allow us to transform primitive instinctual energy of even the most destructive emotions into works of art or entertainment that give pleasure to others (sublimation and humor); or behavior that is socially beneficial (altruism, anticipation, suppression). People who achieve optimal psychological health are those who have come to satisfactory terms with their neurobiology. They are people who have learned to accept their anger, rage and other potentially deadly emotions and, instead of destructively acting out, repressing, denying or projecting; have creatively expressed those feelings in a way that improves life both for themselves and for others.”

In my younger years, I used to be so embarrassed when feelings of anger or rage would rise up from within. I would try to hide the anger and suppress it as long as possible;  only on very few occasions did someone close enough to me even gain a glimpse into the frustration that I often felt. I remember once, when studying at a school of ministry where I also worked, that the pastor once asked me very calmly and lovingly, “Viola, whom are you mad at?”

My reply was, “I’m not mad at anyone.”   In fact, at the time, I did not really fully understand just how angry I was. I did not even understand why he was asking me that question because I was simply going about my usual work.

Because I grew up without parents and without my siblings, I, not only had to learn to parent myself in many situations but I also had to simply handle whatever came along and bury much of the fear and insecurities that I was feeling. Too much of the time, I was an island unto myself and would not talk through things with anyone. After I gained my independence and began to established a life of my own, I found myself weeping quite a bit. I could not understand where so many tears could come from.  Eventually, though, I realized that the tears came from a deeper place within me.

Only with added years have I learned to understand myself better. When I would gain a glimpse into my own heart, I would simply cry out to God to heal me and to help me. I would turn my anger over to Him each and every time it arose, and I would be honest enough to recognize it for what it was. I started to give myself much more room to allow emotions to come to the top and then to examine them as honestly as I could with the understanding that I had at the time. That was not always easy, for I also had to work through embarrassment and the tendency to simply hide. As Dr. Sanity so aptly described, however, I came to a place in my life where I could accept my anger and my rage and allow the transformative power that lay in my own heart to change me. Often, it seemed that the changes were so minute, but with time, with much time – I realized that I was on my way to becoming a whole person, which truly is a life long process.

It is good to know that it is just fine to be angry and to be even full of rage. It is also extremely freeing to know that this energy can be turned to one’s own benefit. This process involves healing and creatively  allowing it to tunnel though oneself, emerging into understanding, kindness and compassion for oneself as well as for others.  With the help of a greater energy, this wholeness can and will be a reality if one continually, day in and day out, has the desire to be completely honest with oneself and realize that our life here on earth is a learning process.  We are all deeply wounded and we all are in need to be healed.

Growth requires self-examination. Growth requires self-honesty. Growth requires the willingness to be humble and to take responsibility for one’s life, one’s happiness, and one’s peace of mind. Most important, growth requires a willingness to change one’s mind, to change one’s attitude. In short, it is a position of humility that is consciously and willingly taken up for a higher purpose and a higher goal.

This is extremely powerful and transformative! For many, it will be the start of a much happier and more creative life.

Never fear to look into the eyes of your own anger. Beneath this anger you will find some measure of brokenness and fear. This brokenness and fear can be healed with a greater gentleness and love for yourself.   This Love has been freely provided for each member of the human community.   Embrace it!  Embrace yourself!  Embrace this Love through accepting yourself, just as you are, that you may find a creative way to be healed and to express yourself into a much happier and more purposeful life.

* Portions of this post have been previously published.

Love-which is God- will consider our sighs and tears as incense burned at His altar and he will reward us with fortitude. ~Kahlil Gibran

In 1995, my husband, Scott, was attending college and also working on weekends while earning his advanced degree in geology at the University of Houston. I was full time employed at a local medical clinic. We had no children at the time. We had decided to wait until the college years were behind us so I could raise our children and avoid putting them into daycare. Our lives were occupied with school, projects, field trips, homework, and our jobs.

It was on one such busy day that I received a phone call from my brother, Jean, who was living in Germany.  He had called to tell me that he was engaged to be married in May, and wanted to invite me to be a part of his wedding.

I have written here about the day he was adopted out of our orphanage and how I came to realize that I would not see him as a child again. Losing my little brother was a loss that would stay with me always. In time, I managed to bury the tears deep within me, and remove the memories from the forefront of my mind of that very painful day so long ago. It was a loss that I had to eventually find the courage to look at again, and again.  It was a loss that I could not make any sense of, and yet with time, I was able to accept it and find meaning in it, which brought some healing to my heart.

Words cannot describe how excited I was to hear from Jean again after all these years of wondering where he was and how he was doing. I quickly realized just how rusty my German had become, and I was much relieved when I realized that he was able to speak English.  That day, it became a mission of mine to regain my German language skills, to better communicate with my newfound family!   Because my husband was in college, flying to Germany was going to be more of an expense for us than what we could afford at that time.  However, the idea of our not flying to Germany to be a part of Jean’s wedding was out of the question. We were simply going to make that trip!

Some of my friends at work were so excited about the prospect of me seeing my brother again after so many years that they and my supervisor, knowing that my husband was in College, took up a collection to help out with our expenses as we prepared to fly to Germany.  Contributing toward this reunion was a very generous and kind gesture from those who did not really know me that well.  I was deeply humbled and thankful for their kindness and generosity.

As we flew to Germany, I was nervous and a bit apprehensive. I imagined every possible scenario under the sun.  Would Jean recognize me?   Would I recognize him?  Would we both feel comfortable with each other or would our time together be awkward?   When the moment arrived, and I saw Jean for the first time in 25 years, I felt something that words simply cannot explain.   I recognized him right away even though over 25 years had passed.  As we held one another in a tight embrace, the years melted away, and I cried. I cried for our loss.  I cried for our reunion.  I cried for this very profound moment in both of our lives.  The emotions that welled up in me were overwhelming as my heart raced and my body shook.  There was no awkwardness as we knew we belonged to each other.

The wedding was beautiful, and visiting with Jean and his new bride was a special time for us. They welcomed my husband with open arms, and the four of us had a wonderful time together.   During this busy time, Jean and I did managed to have some time alone. We spoke about our childhood and the day he was taken away from me.  Jean told me about his life with his new family, and we discussed how life had been for me staying behind in the orphanage and eventually moving to America.  Though there was much to talk about, there were also times we would not say a word.   Somehow, we understood each other as only siblings can. That understanding, we realized, was a part of the feeling of a deeper belonging and a deeper love.

In the years that followed, although we’ve spoken periodically on the telephone, I have not seen Jean since he was married in 1996.  Much has taken place in his life as well as in our lives.  As I spoke with my brother just a few days ago, we both knew it was time for another reunion.  We will be traveling to Germany again soon, and I can’t wait to see him and spend some time with him again.  I miss him.  My two children also look forward to meeting their Uncle Jean, and my husband will enjoy clanging his beer krug once again with his.

Life is good!  I am very thankful!

*Since we are getting ready to fly to Germany, I wanted to bring this post  back up from last January.  Finally, Jean and I are able to see each other again.  We are looking so forward to it.

We have the power to choose, moment by moment, who and how we want to be in this world.  ~Jill Bolte Taylor

I have watched this video many times now because I am fascinated with Jill Bolte Taylor’s story.  I am equally fascinated at the capacity of our brains and the fact that there is such an enormous possibility and yet, we utilize so little of it.

I am also interested in this video and all of TEDtalksDirector videos because as a Toastmaster, I find myself focusing very closely on anyone that does public speaking.  I enjoy watching their body-language and hearing their choice of words with which they express themselves with.  I love to watch how they are able to manipulate their emotions, coinciding with their tone and volume of their voice, thus drawing their audience into fuller participation of their story.

I am quite certain you will enjoy this video.  I am glad Jill was motivated to recover.  She gave us a real gift with her “stroke of insight.”  Thank you, Jill!

The more time we spend choosing to run the deep inner peace circuitry of our right hemisphere, the more peace we will project into our world, and the more peaceful our world will be. ~Jill Bolte Taylor