Spiritual Things Matter

The absolute value of love makes life worth while, and so makes man’s strange and difficult situations acceptable. Love cannot save life from death; but it can fulfill life’s purpose. ~ Arnold J. Toynbee

All around the globe, Valentine’s Day was celebrated this month as an acknowledgement of that special someone in our lives. In this country, that celebration has extended beyond that romance partner to include all those people that play a special role in our lives. We give flowers, cards, chocolate, and perhaps for some, a more meaningful and lasting gift.

In the midst of all those fuzzy feelings floating around, I was ever so keenly aware that there is yet another dimension to love that is not so readily seen. You see, I believe that certain people are placed into our lives, perhaps just for a season, or, perhaps much longer. They are placed into our care, our soul-care, if you will. Those are the people whom we want to elevate and inspire. These are the people we want to be there for and to encourage.  These are the people that we always remember in our prayers.  At the same time, I believe that we are also placed into someone else’s care, someone else’s soul-care. It is that person, or those people, who will stand with us no matter what. They somehow understand us, accept us, pray for us, and see us through our own “dark night of the soul.”  Such a gift cannot be bought at any price.

My mind goes back to August, 1976, when I experienced such a relationship as a 14 year-old girl.

I was upstairs in my bedroom folding my clothes and getting ready to pack to move to America.  My father, an American, had found me in an orphanage in Augsburg, Germany.  As I was packing, I noted that I was filled with such varied emotions of excitement, fear, trepidation, and sadness of leaving my friends behind.  My thoughts were interrupted by the voices of the children calling me from downstairs, letting me know I had a visitor.  It was not a usual occurrence that we had visitors, and thus, it took me by great surprise.

I proceeded to go downstairs when I saw a teacher standing at the bottom of the staircase.  I could see her white teeth as she greeted me with such familiarity and warmth.  This was a school teacher whom I had in third through sixth grade.  Her name was Anneliese Reisberg.  You see, I loved this teacher with all my heart and yet I kept that love tucked away as a secret.  I had felt embarrassed and ashamed of it, because after all, she was just my teacher.  One of my favorite things she used to do is put her hand on the back of my neck each time I was being mischievous.  She did it with such tenderness, and in this way, I believe she revealed her heart to me.  Perhaps, being mischievous came just a little easier because of it.  Walking further down the stairs, I noticed she had a letter and a gift in her hand.  She explained that the children at the school told her that I was moving to America and she had wanted to come to the orphanage so she could say goodbye and to wish me well.  As she handed me the letter and the gift, she embraced me tight.  I was speechless, and my face had turned completely red.  Our last goodbye was quick.  She left and I proceeded to go back upstairs to read my letter and to open my gift.

I closed the door behind me and sat on my bed.  I began to read that letter, and tears quickly welled up in my eyes.  The lines I was reading revealed to me what I had felt in my heart for four years:  I was special to her as well.  She explained to me that she had wanted to adopt me but could not because of her own home life situation.  She felt it would have been unfair to me.  I then opened my gift and began to weep even more as I pulled out a tiny four-leaf clover pendant.  It was crafted with exquisite delicateness and given with such love.  I kept it for years before it was lost, and after the birth of my daughter, I had a new one made for her to keep someday.  During my early years in this country, I would read her letter over and over again, folding it and unfolding it, each time soaking it in my own tears.  One day, it simply crumbled in my hands as I tried to unfold it once more.

This love came with a bittersweet price.  Our relationship was never meant to be a mother-daughter relationship even though we both had wanted that.  As we both have grown in this mystical relationship, we both have realized that we have been given into each others care, into each others soul-care.

Love comes to us as a gift.  With it will come the most exquisite feelings of joy, of happiness, of fulfillment, and most of all, of belonging.  Yet, nothing in this life time can purge us in the way that pain, which love can bring into our lives, can.  It will take us to the very heights and to the very depths of our soul.  It will stun us into complete silence for a time.  Yet I say, oh how wonderful it is to be able to love!

And though it’s pangs are strong and fierce,
Let us never fear to love again and again,
Until we melt into its very essence.

~Viola Jaynes

I love Louis Armstrong’s deep gravelly voice.  I love his big smile.  Watch his facial expressions…they are priceless!  As a jazz trumpeter he was one of the best.  What an immensely gifted artist he was!

He gained inspiration from the very poor and dysfunctional upbringing he had.  “The eyes bring to seeing what they wish to see,” Shelley said.  So true!

This clip makes me smile.  Very big!

Jan Werner was an immensely gifted Norwegian singer, famous for his powerful voice.  He died all too early when he was found by his manager in his apartment.  Autopsy revealed that he died of heart failure at the age of 30.

I saw this at Siggy’s site today and it moved me to tears.  I wanted to share it with you.  It is truly an exquisite piece!!!

Kal, one of my blogger friends informed me that this piece is called, “Gabriella’s Oboe” composed by Ennio Morricone. Thank you, Kal!

Some things are simply too beautiful for words.

Carve a tunnel of hope through the dark mountain of disappointment. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

Disappointment often lowers our unseen posture. We feel heavier and a sense of sadness that something we had relied upon, something we had trusted in, or someone we needed, did not come through for us. Perhaps we even feel embarrassed that we were so foolishly relying on something or someone that simply was not what we had expected.

I find that even looking at this word “disappointment” is interesting.  I get the sense of having had an appointment with ourself and the “dis” reveals that we relied upon an outside source which moved us away from relying more fully on our own intuitions and sense of discernment.   Sure, we must rely on the outside world for many things, but my musing takes me to a few questions that perhaps we should answer for ourselves:  “Where do our expectations lie?  Are they from within or from without?  And, why are those expectations there to begin with?

Elliott Larson said, “Anger always comes from frustrated expectations.” When I am really honest with myself and take the time to look a little deeper into my own heart, I generally find that when I am short tempered or feeling particularly angry, the root of that so often seems to be that I am carrying a feeling of disappointment with me which has somehow injured me.

Our expectations of others are often so colored by our own unmet needs.  Yes, perhaps that certain someone could have been a little kinder and more gracious, a little more giving of themselves, a little wiser in their dealings, or a little more mature in the way they chose to handle a situation.  However, it would be a good lesson learned to understand that each person struggles with their own insecurities and with their own fears.  Even the strongest among us, the brightest and the most talented, tend to struggle immensely with things which we cannot see.  It is a commonality of us all.

Disappointment tends to diminish greatly when we live in the present moment and we rely on the eternal world within us. I love what Kalidasa said:

Listen to the Exhortation of the Dawn!
Look to this Day!
For it is Life, the very Life of Life.
In its brief course lie all the
Verities and Realities of your Existence.
The Bliss of Growth,
The Glory of Action,
The Splendor of Beauty,
For Yesterday is but a Dream.
And To-morrow is only a Vision;
But To-day well lived makes
Every Yesterday a Dream of Happiness,
And every Tomorrow a Vision of Hope.
Look well therefore to this Day!
Such is the Salutation of the Dawn!

~Kalidasa

May we carve a tunnel of hope through our dark disappointments.  May we find healing in the wisdom that lies within each of us.  May we be gentle with ourselves as we learn life’s lessons and then use them for our own growth.  And, may we give that which came to us as a lesson, to another, as a gift.