Why people can’t let go and why they hate and keep on hating?

Please read,

Regards,

Sydshahid

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Lately I got inspired by one of the blog (forgiveness our greatest healer) on this site written by Viola. It made me think and wonder why people don?t forgive and let go? Why they hate and why they keep on hating?

First of all let us look into one of the all time question that need to be answered here is,

What is hatred or hate?

All negative emotions are killers of spiritual, mental and physical health. Harboring these emotions will not only shorten the life but will also make us live in the most miserable way. Therefore, it is very important to deal with these in a constructive and therapeutic settings.

One of the most powerful negative emotions that are killer of spiritual, mental and physical health is hate or hatred.

Definition of hatred

HATRED or hate is a word that describes intense feelings of dislike. It can be used in wide variety of contexts, from hatred of inanimate objects to hatred of other people.

WHAT IS HATRED OR HATE?

Philosophers have offered many influential definitions of hatred.

1. Aristotle (Greek philosopher, 384 BCE – 322 BCE) viewed hate as a desire for the annihilation of an object that is incurable by time.

2. Rene Descartes (French philosopher, 1596 – 1650) viewed hate as awareness that something is bad, combined with an urge to withdraw from it. He could not elaborate beyond this due to poor and limited understanding of this emotion in his time.

3. Baruch Spinoza (Dutch philosopher, 1632 – 1677) defined hate as a type of pain that is due to an external cause. The cause, however, is not real. Given Spinoza’s insistence on a completely ordered world where “necessity” reigns, Good and Evil have no absolute meaning. Human catastrophes, social injustices, etc. are merely apparent. The world as it exists looks imperfect only because of our limited perception. Hate in his view was only a false perception of our poor sensory system. In other words all negative emotions are creation of our limited sensory perception.

4. David Hume (Scottish philosopher, 1711 – 1776) believed that hate is an irreducible feeling that is not definable at all. He tried to connect hatred with religion. His fear of lack of tolerance in the existing church made him less transparent to objectify his view of hate in the light of religion. Nevertheless, he did try to hint that religion had lot to do with emotional aptitude of negative feelings (hatred for example) surfacing due to intolerance of the church when it came to facing reality of the time. Hume’s early essay “Of Superstition and Religion” laid the foundations for nearly all subsequent secular thinking about the history of religion. Critics of religion during Hume’s time had to express themselves cautiously. Less than 15 years before Hume’s birth, an 18-year-old University student named Thomas Aikenhead was tried, convicted, and hanged for blasphemy for saying Christianity was nonsense. Hume followed the common practice of expressing his views obliquely, through characters in dialogues.

5. Sigmund Freud (an Austrian Psychiatrist, also honored as “the Father of Psychiatry”, 1856 – 1939) defined hate as an ego state that wishes to destroy the source of its unhappiness. Source is usually projected as someone other than the true source. Analytically he described it as a defense mechanism (projection) that safeguards us from hurting (hating) the real source (loved one). By projecting our hate to the third party, we feel secure and safe. Freud ascertained this hypothesis by analytically elaborating the incidence of 10 years old boy who hated his horse. Under analysis Freud discovered that the boy actually hated his father (the real source). It was too painful for the boy to hate his father; therefore, he projected his hate on to his horse.

6. In a more contemporary definition, the Penguin Dictionary of Psychology defines hate as a “deep, enduring, intense emotion expressing animosity, anger, and hostility towards a person, group, or object.”

7. Because hatred is believed to be long-lasting. Many psychologists consider it to be more of an attitude or disposition (personality problem) than a (temporary) emotional state.

8. Currently it has been voiced repeatedly that hate is not an inherent phenomenon. Child is not born to hate anyone on the basis of color, gender, race, nationality, religion etc. Children can live harmoniously with anyone regardless of the believed differences. The seeds of hatred are sown by the parents, teachers, church and other authority figures during the formative years of the growing child. Once these seeds are sown, the fruits from these trees (later in life) deliver hate for anyone who differs from them in his/her belief even slightly (xenophobia).

Next we will discuss a very sensitive topic, hatred and religion; and how the interpreters of various traditional religions were successful in creating hate in their believers’ minds that led to holy wars (crusades) and loss of millions of innocent lives through out history.

~Viola

I agree with you 100% and that is what I have always said,

Letting go is the natural release which always follows the realization that holding on hurts.

Those who lack spirituality always follow the path of perpetual failure. It is due to the fact that they remain preoccupied in things or people that have caused them some hurt in life. Little they realize that it is the holding on that hurts the most rather than vice verse. Forgiveness is the spiritual bliss that heals all your inner hurts.

Forgiveness is not just divine, it is human too

“Act of forgiveness” is typically a process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger and ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. Forgiveness not only sets the person free who is forgiven but also and most importantly it sets free the person who forgives.

Buddhism recognizes that feelings of hatred and ill-will leave a lasting effect on our mind (karma). It states,

“If we haven’t forgiven, we keep creating an identity around our pain. That is what suffering is. It lasts for life time.”

In Hinduism forgiveness is given a special place. It is akin to a great power. It states,

?Forgiveness is a virtue above righteousness. Righteousness is the highest good of power, but forgiveness is the supreme power.”

Studies show that people who forgive are happier and healthier than those who hold resentments. One study has shown that the positive benefit of forgiveness is similar whether it was based upon religious or secular counseling as opposed to a control group that received no forgiveness counseling.

I also agree with you on LOVE. You are right when you say,

I turned over to God over and over again. My commitment to what I had promised myself so many years ago was deeply edged into my heart. Love was going to be the only answer!

Love is the greatest spiritual manifestation on this earth. Our path must be practical for it to be effective. It must start with those who hear a voice echoing within the silence of their own hearts, beckoning to release the power of forgiveness, and to let the manifestation of its love heal our own brokenness. Then, and only then, will we be able to effectively assist in healing the broken lives of those around us.

I have the same notion of love and I have always said,

Love conquers all

In all faiths love is the guiding force. In some faiths God is love. In other faiths love is God. In some others even love thy enemy is not wrong. This is admirable because you always win your enemies by love not by hate.

Love is a deep, ineffable feeling of tenderly caring for another person. It may range from the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love; to the nonsexual emotional closeness of familial bonds, to the platonic love of friends and to the profound oneness or devotion of religious love. Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central importance in life, is one of the most common themes in everything we do in life.

Seven centuries ago, Sa’adi, a Persian poet wrote the following verses,

“The children of Adam are limbs of one body
Having been created of one essence.
When the calamity of time afflicts one limb
The other limbs cannot remain at rest.
If you have no sympathy for the troubles of others
You are not worthy to be called by the name of ‘man’ (human being).”

Seven hundreds years later, it still holds true.

Good work Viola. And thanks again for sharing it with us.

Sydshahid

This article is very open and easy to understand. Thank you.

Tony

In 1985 I was part of a labor strike – the Air Line Pilots Association (ALPA) against United Airlines. Some of the ALPA pilots crossed the picket lines. When the strike was over there was deep animosity between the strikers and the scabs (non-strikers). The atmosphere around the operations centers was filled with tension whenever one of the scabs was present. Conversation would cease, evil eyes were cast, oaths were muttered, and anger hung in the air like evil perfume. Much was at stake during the strike. The company had plans to replace all the union pilots and start over as a non-union airline. Those of us on the picket lines were literally betting our jobs and our livelihoods that the company was wrong. Those who crossed the line were trying to take our jobs. This was open betrayal and was hard to accept or understand.

During those tension filled months after the strike was over, I realized that the anger was corroding my humanity. I prayed for understanding and a release of my anger as a path to forgiveness. But my prayers were not answered. Over the next five years my anger turned inward and I descended into depression – a kind of self made purgatory. Finally, I accepted that I needed help. By chance I stumbled into the care of an anger management expert who, through a series of exercises, allowed me to examine my anger in all its deep-seated malevolence and then learn to release it in healthy, productive ways. My prayers were answered – just not the way I expected them to be. We are all fallible and weak. Often we are looking for answers in all the wrong places. And often when we least expect it our prayers are answered.