Spiritual Things Matter

Human beings are very much like icebergs–we only see a small portion of them, and nothing of the hidden currents which drag them this way and that. ~Father David McAstocker

Fr. McAstocker goes on to say: “I fancy that we would not sit and judge our neighbor so frequently as we do, did we but ponder well over the small amount of data we possess. We perceive only the external act, but nothing of the motive activating it.”

Often I have pondered this very thought while watching many times, how incredibly judgmental people can be of other human beings who appear different from themselves. So much pain is done to others as fear of uncertainty arises in the hearts of men. Tall walls of protection are erected in an attempt to huddle with others of like mind to gain strength. From these walls, we often hurl exaggerated judgments and opinions, or even shear falsehoods. These walls of fear create distance between men and only strife and war are the end result of such behavior. This can be witnessed in our personal lives, as well as in our national and international relations.

Being keenly aware, however, that nothing can be changed unless it starts within us personally, I prefer to first try to look within. Understanding my tendency to project onto others my limited perceptions makes me realize that my judgments are sometimes false. True spiritual growth and maturity brings one to a place of willingness to lay such childish perceptions aside. This desire brings one to a place of stillness and calmness, asking God for greater awareness, greater understanding, and greater love for ourselves and our fellow man.

Indeed, we possess only a very limited view of the other person. The heart goes deep and who but God, can understand it? This is not an understanding that one gains by looking through “rose” colored glasses, however, for as a realist, as well as a dreamer, I deeply believe that a spiritual life takes work, takes hard work, and it is never ever easy.

Human beings are “masters of disguise,” having learned that practice often from early age. Authenticity and transparency often came with a great price. Consequently, we have learned to fear others. Yet, it is only as we stay true to our deepest heart’s convictions of yet a better way, and learn once more to be authentic in all of our dealings that we find meaningful and genuine relationships.

With a greater understanding of ourselves comes a greater understanding and compassion for our fellow man. With a greater desire to deeply surrender all that we are, comes a greater desire to lay aside our limited understanding of things, as well as our opinions and our pride.

Technology has risen to its heights and continues to astound us. Therefore, I believe we live in a time that the human spirit must also rise to greater heights, and to greater discernment and wisdom. It does not mean that we over look the wrong doings and self-serving motives of others. It does, however, mean, that through our devotion and love for God, we begin to gain better tools in order to handle them much more effectively. This will create a better and more compassionate, and more loving world to live in. It is within that reality that I desire to live with all men peacefully.

Forgive Me

I have feared you because I have feared myself.
I have judged you because I have judged myself.
I have hurt you because I have hurt myself.
I have mistrusted you because I have mistrusted myself.

It was only when I looked within my own heart
that I began to understand you.
It was only in my brokenness
that I began to feel your pain.
It was only in my need for greater love
that I began to love you.

Forgive me! I was blind
and therefore did not see you.
Forgive me! I was ignorant
and therefore did not understand you.
Forgive me! I was afraid of you
and therefore I hurt you.
Forgive me, as I humbly reach my hand to you and ask:
Will you now, be my friend?

In peace we shall live together.
With greater understanding
we shall embrace each other’s hearts.
Compassion will rise to heights of love
and wounds will heal as tears will be no more.

Viola M. Jaynes
Jan. 2008

When you’re comparing yourself to others and find yourself lacking, it’s because you’re comparing your guts to their veneer. ~Author unknown

This is a wonderful quote and so rich in its meaning. Noone knows us better then ourselves. No one! We also don’t see every corner of another persons interior. Comparing ourselves to others then is a futile endeavour that only brings unwarranted frustration and pain. Learning to be comfortable and happy with ourselves creates an environment of acceptance. Learning to understand that many are not comfortable with themselves creates an environment of compassion.

Being a very trusting person, my husband occasionally will remind me that many people will only project one side of their personality in any given situation. So it is that all of us tend to express ourselves in various ways and different dimensions depending on whose company we are in. There is a certain amount of wisdom to that display. A public and private persona is in order if we are to live relatively peacefully and with good boundaries in place. The side that is projected is usually one of our ideal. It is often the best we want to be, or it is the best in us we want others to see. It does not imply however, that this side is not really us. Of course it is! It is a side we allow others to see openly because we are comfortable with that side, it seems right to us and it generally feels safe in doing so. We allow those closest to us to see yet another side, because we feel understood!

I recently encountered a situation where I was only acquainted with one side of this person’s personality. When the other side was projected, it caught me off guard and it brought confusion and bewilderment. After much reflection, however, I came to realize that what I had been seeing was only a person in part. It was a side this person felt comfortable displaying, but it was only one side. The friendship could not ripen and go further because the fear in being honest and being really authentic created a block. Perhaps, I am partly responsible for not conveying more clearly that our relationship was strong enough for complete honesty and for that, I’m deeply saddened.

Proven relationships allow a comfort level to display all sides of ourselves. It takes effort and considerable amount of work to be willing to achieve this type of relationship. There is no need to compare because now a different dimension has been achieved. Both parties are aquainted with each other’s interior make-up. It dispels fear and thus anything can be discussed or worked through because it has become a trusting and honest relationship.

Instead of thinking that someone is not real or is even dishonest, perhaps realizing that the individual’s comfort level in showing themselves is limited. This would be a much better way of accepting that individual. I think when human beings become less afraid of each other, they will feel safer to be who they really are. There is still a tremendous amount of fear in approaching each other. It is difficult to build “true community” when we attempt to compare ourselves to others – instead of accepting each other. Even potentially good and healthy relationships can go no farther unless that fear has been pierced through with sheer love, compassion, and honesty.

It is not easy to build authentic and real relationships – it takes a willing heart and lots of patience. It is realizing that we are all human beings and we all have our strengths and our weaknesses. One must be willing to look deeper into the soul and understand that we all walk a journey which will bring much growth when we learn to be less fearful of each other. All judgements and preconceived ideas must be set aside and love must be the motivator.

It takes a lot of self- honesty and humility to build authentic relationships. The value of it is worth all the effort and nothing can compare to it.

Viola Jaynes