Defining Moments
There is a defining moment in every person’s life. Within that moment, everything that person is, shines its brightest. ~Anonymous
There are times in life when events and circumstances seem to be larger then we are. We often react to these times with uncertainty and fear. If we have lived long enough though, we will have learned that those times come and go and it is important for us to allow ourselves to go through the process in the best possible way.
Carl G. Jung once explained, “I have often seen individuals simply outgrow a problem which had destroyed others. This ‘outgrowing,’ as I formerly called it, on further experience was seen to consist in a new level of consciousness. Some higher or wider interest arose on the person’s horizon, and through this widening of his view the insoluble problem lost its urgency. It was not solved logically in its own life-tendency. It was not repressed and made unconscious, but merely appeared in a different light, and so did indeed become different. What, on a lower level, had led to the wildest conflicts and panicky outbursts of emotion, viewed from the higher level of the personality, now seemed like a storm in the valley seen from a high mountain-top. This does not mean that the thunderstorm is robbed of its reality, but instead of being in it, one is now above it.”
This observation is very meaningful and practical, and I would like to share with my readers about my own experience:
Not too long ago, I was faced with a very painful and difficult situation. Matters of the heart seem to be especially hard to overcome because so much love and trust has been expended. As I was dealing with this difficult situation, my mind wandered back to a time, many years ago, when a trusted friend betrayed my trust and my friendship. I retaliated to express just how badly I was hurting. My own anger though, was more hurtful to me, by far, because it went against everything that I strongly believed in and held dear to my heart. However, there was so much hurt, anger, and betrayal that I literally could feel it rip throughout my entire body. It frightened me and I made a promise to myself to never again allow myself to get that hurt and angry. The situation was quickly rectified because I had been reminded of another experience of earlier days:
A short time after my arrival to this country, I made a spiritual commitment to God and was baptized. Upon my coming up from the water, I felt such an infusion of love and joy and to this day, the experience is difficult to explain to anyone else. I literally could not feel my body weight on the ground for almost a week and I found myself singing most of the time.
Remembering this, I understood more than ever before just how many spiritual consequences there really are in decisions that we make, whether those decisions are positive ones or negative ones. Most of the time we are only vaguely aware of them - but, those consequences are most definitely a reality.
That promise to myself of “never again” recently was to be tested once more, many years after that earlier experience. This time though, it was very different. After I made an untimely visit to a very dear friend and found a very precarious situation, I also learned that this friend had chosen betrayal, instead of honesty, for fear of the consequences that might take place. The measures taken were extreme to say the least. I was so hurt and simply could not believe what was happening, but…it was firmly fixed in my heart to only bless, bless and bless again. I have done just that, as I understood that this was going to be a “defining moment” for me. I had lived long enough to where I had learned from that lesson of so many years ago and certainly did not want to repeat the same mistake again. Personal confidence was gained as I handled the situation and more importantly, handled myself in the midst of it. The question that I had to keep asking myself over and over again as I agonized in pain was, “Is God more important or is the outcome of this situation more important?” The answer, for me, was God and my spiritual growth which is a path I had chosen so many years ago.
The result of operating from a greater understanding this time around, has been a greater love and compassion for those who were involved, and a realization that fear, self-preservation, and uncertainties make all of us react in ways much different from how we would react under more normal circumstances. I understood that this difficult and heartbreaking ordeal was not about my dear friend’s human frailties and lack of courage to communicate openly and honestly, but it was about my own discovery that I had truly grown since the last deep betrayal from a trusted friend. I was gradually able to see this circumstance from a different point of view and realized that this was a very important time in my life. I chose to use this time to learn from past experiences and to process that experience, as well as the problem from the past, from a different perspective.
It has been a rich and productive time for me in so many ways. The pain was felt deeply and at times my pillow is still soaked in tears as I felt my heart break through the choices my friend made. However, the realization of who I am, during a most difficult period, was a very special gift. Defining moments can bring incredible growth and self actualization if we are willing to be truly honest with ourselves, looking deeply within our own hearts. Much is revealed in that heart of ours if we have the courage to look at it without any fear or judgment.
I pray for my dear friend often and hope for the realization that true friendships will reach far past transgressions, disappointments and pain, finding a peaceful land of love, forgiveness, and peace. We are all human beings with many flaws indeed. I realize and acknowledge where I have fallen short and for that I am deeply sorry! My friend is still very dear to me - and always will be. The only thing that has changed is that I have gained once again, a more realistic view, that all of us are on our own path with many lessons to learn.
If you are going through a “defining moment” in your life right now, I hope that you will be strengthened as you calm your thoughts and listen to the wisdom that God has placed within your own heart.
“Be still and know that I am God.”
