Embracing Death
While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil. ~ John Taylor
Yesterday, we had a death in our family. It was something that happened so fast that everyone is still in a state of shock and bewilderment. It is one of those events where people are wondering about the fairness of life. The sorrow and pain is felt deeply.
My husband’s aunt, a lovely lady, re-married a year ago to a man she had attended high school with, but didn’t know him well until she attended a more recent high school reunion. She was previously married and had two children in this marriage who adore her, but had been divorced for a long time. She worked herself through college and had become a teacher of Texas History and Special Education over the years in a local public school. She is wonderful with young people and has loved her job. At the end of this school year, she was looking forward to retirement with her new bridegroom having planned and dreamed to spend their remaining wonderful years together.
Her new husband had lost his wife about four years ago to cancer. They had three daughters together between 18 - 24 years of age. The family was very close, their marriage was strong, and the children flourished. The loss of their mother was very hard on them. Other family members, friends, and neighbors stepped in to help. They had also lost their grandmother last year, with whom they were all very close.
I remember the first time my husband’s aunt called me and told me that she had found this wonderful man. I could tell in her voice how happy she was, and I was so thrilled for her because I knew that she had not had an easy life. There is something so profoundly comforting when you meet someone that loves you and understands you for who and what you are. A man with whom you can share your life with.
Last month in April, the health problems began. Evidently, he had an abnormal heart beat for a long time, but it had never caused serious problems. Over the last Christmas vacation, the entire family went skiing, and I was told he had some problems getting his breath. Beginning in April, he was in an out of the hospital for testing. It began to look more serious than what anyone had expected. This past week, he had a “code blue” four times. Finally, the doctor and nurse began to cry as they could not bring him back during the last code blue. They felt so helpless because his heart simply wanted to stop.
Entering into the ICU unit, I found family and friends holding each other and crying. His three daughters were in a state of shock, and my husband’s aunt and children were wounded and broken by the death of her new husband. What I heard the loudest was how wonderful it was that those two had found each other, and “how was it possible that life could bring such a sudden death.” They were in the process of building a new home together and making plans for a wonderful retirement. It did not seem fair.
The other thing that was in the forefront of everyone’s mind was the three girls that were now left without their mother, father, and grandmother. How was it possible that these young girls would lose both their parents in a matter of four years? This also seemed so incredibly unbelievable and unfair.
As I looked at this man lying lifeless in that hospital bed, I realized just how large the spirit infills a human vessel. He seemed so frail and small without the spirit of life in him. I realized that the energy and life that makes us who we are on this earth is simply too great to be housed in a small body for too long. Our body is given as a gift to us to learn lessons in this lifetime, after which it is shed to once again return from where it came.
Embracing Death
Oh death, suddenly you come - but we fear you not.
You teach us awareness, each and every time.
You teach us humility and gratefulness.
Your presence brings new resolve into our lives -
to be kinder to all who have been entrusted to us.
To love even more deeply those who need us -
as well as those who want from us.
Oh death, you embrace us with a very cold chill -
leaving us to find warmth and comfort again.
You whisper realities into our ears that are not of this world -
that we might seek and seek,
and then finally find a deeper
and more secure place within ourselves.
Indeed, you are a part of the cycle of birth and dying -
of beginning and ending.
Yet, never the end to Light and Love -
for always it will continue on.
Let comfort come to those who are left behind.
Let light and hope illuminate the heart.
Let time bring its gentle healing kiss -
that tears may transform grief into laughter and joy again.
Let the beauty of life blossom
in each one who has loved him - whom you have taken.
Let them always remember him
and the joy and the love he so generously gave.
. . . Dedicated to the Memory of Barney Bolt . . .
Viola M. Jaynes
May 2008
