Acceptance Dispels Fear
When you’re comparing yourself to others and find yourself lacking, it’s because you’re comparing your guts to their veneer. ~Author unknown
This is a wonderful quote and so rich in its meaning. Noone knows us better then ourselves. No one! We also don’t see every corner of another persons interior. Comparing ourselves to others then is a futile endeavour that only brings unwarranted frustration and pain. Learning to be comfortable and happy with ourselves creates an environment of acceptance. Learning to understand that many are not comfortable with themselves creates an environment of compassion.
Being a very trusting person, my husband occasionally will remind me that many people will only project one side of their personality in any given situation. So it is that all of us tend to express ourselves in various ways and different dimensions depending on whose company we are in. There is a certain amount of wisdom to that display. A public and private persona is in order if we are to live relatively peacefully and with good boundaries in place. The side that is projected is usually one of our ideal. It is often the best we want to be, or it is the best in us we want others to see. It does not imply however, that this side is not really us. Of course it is! It is a side we allow others to see openly because we are comfortable with that side, it seems right to us and it generally feels safe in doing so. We allow those closest to us to see yet another side, because we feel understood!
I recently encountered a situation where I was only acquainted with one side of this person’s personality. When the other side was projected, it caught me off guard and it brought confusion and bewilderment. After much reflection, however, I came to realize that what I had been seeing was only a person in part. It was a side this person felt comfortable displaying, but it was only one side. The friendship could not ripen and go further because the fear in being honest and being really authentic created a block. Perhaps, I am partly responsible for not conveying more clearly that our relationship was strong enough for complete honesty and for that, I’m deeply saddened.
Proven relationships allow a comfort level to display all sides of ourselves. It takes effort and considerable amount of work to be willing to achieve this type of relationship. There is no need to compare because now a different dimension has been achieved. Both parties are aquainted with each other’s interior make-up. It dispels fear and thus anything can be discussed or worked through because it has become a trusting and honest relationship.
Instead of thinking that someone is not real or is even dishonest, perhaps realizing that the individual’s comfort level in showing themselves is limited. This would be a much better way of accepting that individual. I think when human beings become less afraid of each other, they will feel safer to be who they really are. There is still a tremendous amount of fear in approaching each other. It is difficult to build “true community” when we attempt to compare ourselves to others - instead of accepting each other. Even potentially good and healthy relationships can go no farther unless that fear has been pierced through with sheer love, compassion, and honesty.
It is not easy to build authentic and real relationships - it takes a willing heart and lots of patience. It is realizing that we are all human beings and we all have our strengths and our weaknesses. One must be willing to look deeper into the soul and understand that we all walk a journey which will bring much growth when we learn to be less fearful of each other. All judgements and preconceived ideas must be set aside and love must be the motivator.
It takes a lot of self- honesty and humility to build authentic relationships. The value of it is worth all the effort and nothing can compare to it.
Viola Jaynes
