Spiritual Things Matter

Gratitude is when memory is stored in the heart and not in the mind.  ~Lionel Hampton

We spent eight days in Germany over Spring break, and it was one of the most rewarding vacations we’ve had.  It was too short to see all that we wanted to see, but the time we did have was filled with so many impressions.

This time, because of our children, we rented our own flat and car.  We mainly just slept in the flat, and the rest of the time we were doing things with our friends, Simone and Heiner.  Simone and Heiner live in the heart of downtown Munich and are true trendy city people.  As we walked around Munich together, I realized how much I miss the energy of its active, vibrant streets.  There was life everywhere.  I wanted my children to experience the wonderfully fresh bread (brödchen) and pretzels that were available in the bakeries there.   Heiner, who is a wonderful cook, often prepared for us delicious and thoughtfully prepared meals, and then we would sit around for hours drinking, eating, and laughing together.  My children felt completely at home with them as it was apparent that they both love children.  I  soaked in every moment, not having laughed this much in a very long time.  My husband loves to travel and see other cultures, wanting to experience the true essence of being a part of that culture.  He always enjoys visiting Germany because he has been received with open arms by my friends and my brother. Taking time off from his busy career, he enjoyed the wonderful laughs and the great conversations we all had with, of course, a good glass of wine or beer.

We experienced many wonderful moments there, one of which was when Heiner, who is from Austria, took us to Salzburg, Austria.  This was a day filled with so many beautiful images.  We stood on one particular overlook and I was taken back by the beauty of old Salzburg.  I counted 10 steeples clustered together, each being a different shape and size with the beautiful Alps in the background.

One thing my son wanted to see was the concentration camp “Dachau” which was only 10 minutes from our flat.  He studies history often on his own and was very interested in seeing it for himself.  I am amazed how much information lies in that place. The German people have made sure that such a horrific event can never happen again. Every document that they still find is displayed in some museum somewhere. To this day, one becomes aware, that the German people as a whole have suffered and are still suffering from the atrocities which took place in WW II. One young person told me that many are still ashamed to even show their German flag: they would rather be called “Europeans” than “Germans.”

Heiner wanted to show us some villages south of Munich, and they indeed were the picturesque Bavarian houses that you would see on postcards and calendars.  One town in particular, Bad Tölz, was a wonderful little town with intricate painted houses up and down its main street. It just so happened that this town was also the home town of my friend Annelise of whom I wrote about here. I also had the opportunity to be with her and her family for one day during our visit.

It was delightful to hear my family try to exercise the German they knew.  My daughter especially was not afraid to try to speak to waitresses and check out clerks in German. I was really proud of her how free and uninhibited she expressed herself.  Children are amazing!

One day we wanted to visit Augsburg where I grew up.  Since we were going to the orphanage anyway we decided to visit downtown Augsburg after that.  One place we visited is called the Fuggerei which is the oldest social housing project in the world, built in 1521 and operated by a catholic church today.  There are 140 apartments in the 67 houses that were built and to this day people who are allowed to live there only pay .88 Euros per year and  they are asked to pray 3x per day for Herr Fugger and his family. When I walk through its small winding little streets, I feel as if  I am in a medieval city within the city of Augsburg.  It has its own gate which is closed each night, its own little church, and community. You can’t help but stand in awe of the incredible amount of vines, which are very old, growing on these little homes, winding itself around the small window shutters, and having reached high up its walls. It is an incredible sight.

My brother, Jean, drove to Munich to spend three days with us.  You may recall the story about my brother, and how it came about that we were separated.  It took over 25 years for us to be reunited again in 1996.  Another 13 years had passed since we saw him again for the second time on this trip.  One of the things that Simone, Jean, and I really wanted to do was go back to the orphanage where Jean and I were kids, and Simone was employed as a social worker.  I have written about my impression of Simone here. Simone had already called the director ahead of time and arranged the meeting.  All of us, including my husband and children, Simone’s husband, Heiner,  and Jean,  drove to Hochzoll, Augsburg, to visit the orphanage.  We were welcomed and invited into a meeting room.   The director wanted to answer any questions we might have, as well as share how things have changed over the years, and what has stayed the same.  She appeared to have been very moved and interested by our visit.  Afterward, a social worker came into the room who has been working there for about 20 years.  He showed us around the entire property and he was amazed at just how much we all remembered our experiences there.

Simone was with us for two years.  Her energy, vitality, laughter, and love brought an enormous amount of joy into our group.  Even though many years have passed, she still has such a positive and happy outlook on life.  She was as moved as I was as we walked through the various buildings and rooms.  We often would just embrace each other when we would remember a particular instance.  Simone, Heiner, and I would also remember the times Heiner would come to visit.  We would rough-house with him until we were completely worn out.  I have one such photo where I was getting ready to attack him.  He is, to this day, a very dear man.

My brother, Jean, who left this particular orphanage at 8, still had such vivid memories of the bedrooms, the arts and craft room, the learning room where we did our homework, the dining room, and the entrance foyer room where we would polish our shoes.  Jean remembered so clearly how we sat on the little benches polishing our shoes there, something I had totally forgotten until he brought it up.  On occasion, he would simply place his arms around me.  Words were not needed.  We understood each other.

I can’t begin to find the right words to express what this visit did for me.  It was in some way, perhaps, an expression of gratitude.  Jean and I are now in our mid-40’s, and Simone, who was only 23 at the time, is now approaching 60.  Jean was already gone when Simone first arrived at the orphanage, but his memories of him and I being together there were deeply moving for me.  Oh, how I missed him when they took him, and how thankful we both are that we were brought together again.

During my years of living at the orphanage, Simone was the one social worker who left such an impression on my heart.  It was her laughter, her energy, her light heart, and her sheer joy of being alive that moved me so deeply.  Being together with her and appreciating the many experiences we had together was a true gift for both of us.  I am so very grateful for her life and for the time we were allowed to spend together.

My heart is truly full from this very wonderful trip.  I remain deeply grateful for the experiences and people that have touched my life throughout the years.  I am equally grateful for those people who touch my life today.

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.  ~John F. Kennedy

There is no way to happiness – happiness is the way. ~The Buddha

Yesterday, I had one of those perfect days where all seemed right and well with the world. One of those days, where despite of all the troubling happenings one hears and reads on the news programs, blogs, and television, the world seemed somehow right in my own heart and mind.

It all began in the morning when my children kept calling me, instructing me by saying, “Mama, please don’t come into the kitchen yet!” I smiled because I had a hunch that they were planning to surprise me with something really special. Finally, with excitement and glowing faces, they came and brought me into the kitchen. My children had fixed a wonderful breakfast just for me. The table was covered with a pretty tablecloth and my son lit candles to set the mood for this special moment. On the table I found French Toast and eggs, which I had recently shown my children how to fix. They cut the toast into tiny pieces and sprinkled it with powdered sugar. My daughter had placed pieces of bananas into a cereal bowl and mixed the fruit with my favorite yogurt. She proudly told me, “Mama, I know how much you love yogurt with fruit”, I hugged her and smiled – all the while pretending that I did not see the splattered egg mix everywhere and the eggs shells lying around on the greasy counter-top. I also closed my eyes to the many dirty utensils and dishes that were used in this process of making breakfast for me.

As I marveled at their love and thoughtfulness, I sat down to eat. They huddled over me like little bumblebees asking me after every bite I took, if my breakfast was really good. Since it was not my birthday nor was it even Mother’s Day, I asked them what the special occasion was. Their reply simply was, “Mama, we wanted to surprise you because we love you.” Hesitatingly, they acknowledged that the kitchen was really a mess and it would take them a long time to clean it up. I told them since they had done such a terrific job making breakfast, I would clean the kitchen. It was such a delightful moment and one that I will remember for a long time.

In the afternoon, we attended a performance in which my daughter participated. She had been attending a music camp for the last couple of years which lasts for one week each summer. At the end of the week, they do a performance for all the parents. My daughter loves music and singing, feeling completely comfortable in that environment. She was especially excited since her grandparents and great-grandmother were also able to attend and enjoy the show. I marveled at how the children could memorize these songs and movements to the songs in just one week. After the show, I saw dear friends whom I cherish and my children saw a few teachers from school, as well as some of their friends.

Later in the evening, we were invited, along with a second couple, to another friends’ home, for a fish dinner. We all enjoyed a wonderful time together, filled with laughter, great conversations, great food, and a genuine concern and love for each other. It really was a perfect ending for a perfect day!

Oh death, suddenly you come – but we fear you not.
You teach us awareness, each and every time.
You teach us humility and gratefulness.
Your presence brings new resolve into our lives -
to be kinder to all who have been entrusted to us.
To love even more deeply those who need us -
as well as those who want from us.

Oh death, you embrace us with a very cold chill -
leaving us to find warmth and comfort again.
You whisper realities into our ears that are not of this world -
that we might seek and seek,
and then finally find a deeper
and more secure place within ourselves.
Indeed, you are a part of the cycle of birth and dying -
of beginning and ending.
Yet, never the end to Light and Love -
for always it will continue on.

Let comfort come to those who are left behind.
Let light and hope illuminate the heart.
Let time bring its gentle healing kiss -
that tears may transform grief into laughter and joy again.
Let the beauty of life blossom
in each one who has loved him – whom you have taken.
Let them always remember him
and the joy and the love he so generously gave.

~Viola M. Jaynes

~Dedicated to the Memory of Barney Bolt~

The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be. ~Socrates

Being honest with oneself, without any sense of pretense, pride, or shame, is one of the most significant undertakings of a human life. It is at that moment that our outlook on life begins to change. One comes to a place in life where pretense is tiring and unless authenticity of existence takes place, all will have become a farce and a big lie that begins to build upon the next lie and then the next.

Self-honesty is also one of our most difficult undertakings and those who choose to take this path will find that they spend much more time in the process of becoming a loving and compassionate human being than they ever did in trying to “fix” others or the world around them. With much contemplation, it will become apparent that each human being has much work to do if they desire to evolve and grow in this lifetime.

I love this quote by Socrates, which I used today, because it brings this work down to the level where we all live. Each and every one of us projects our ideal onto the world. We want others to see us in the best light possible. We want to be seen as good, as caring, as intelligent and as someone who cares enough about others to contribute positively to their lives in some fashion. In short, we all desire to be good. These are tangible ideals and desires, and not at all impossible to attain. Yet, within each of our lives, it seems, there are many struggles and much pain to face. Motivations must be looked at honestly.

I have mentioned before how impressed I was by the work of best selling author and Psychiatrist, Dr. Scott Peck, and the conclusion he had come to after many years in practice. In one of his later books, Dr. Peck mentioned that the greatest healing a human being can encounter is through a total spiritual surrender and commitment. Similarly, the famous Swiss Psychoanalyst, Carl Jung, once had to be completely honest with one of his hopeless patients, Roland, when he told him, “Alas, neither I, nor my art, can help you, and your only hope is to throw yourself wholeheartedly into a spiritual program, for it is recorded in history that, although rare, recoveries have occurred under those circumstances.” Roland eventually had a dramatic recovery and he set the stage for what is known around the world as the “Twelve-Step Movement,” as well as other faith-based programs (Hawkins 2006). As a result of this advice, millions of people have been helped and healed in these types of programs.

A friend of mine, Dr. Steve, introduced me to a spiritual teacher by the name of Dr. David R. Hawkins who has changed my outlook on life more than anything else ever has before. Steve has also profoundly touched my life for the past three years. The result of our meeting has been a clearer understanding of my own inner workings, my desires and yearnings, and even of my greatest fears. This understanding has taught me the need to reach deeper within myself to find answers to some very difficult questions and the findings have been well worth the search. Steve has been very influential in solidifying my deepest convictions of God’s presence in my life as he has worked with me with understanding, kindness and compassion. I am very thankful for his life.

Dr. Hawkins explains beautifully, in his work, the reason why we struggle so much. He explains clearly and concisely that our ego, the lower and more primitive part within each of us, is tenacious in holding on, insisting on its own way and wanting to stay in charge. It plays havoc with our emotions and our lives when we allow it to be in control. Dr. Hawkins also explains though, that it is not something to be shunned or hated, but rather to be embraced and accepted. It is a matter of the “will” and re-training ourselves in recognizing that the God, who lives in each of us, has a much nobler path for us to walk. The experience of finding, choosing, and walking that path will prove to be life changing. Self honesty will lead this way.

Thomas Jefferson said, “Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.” It takes enormous courage to be honest with oneself. Looking at every detail of our lives and at every corner of our heart will bring to the forefront those things that need to be turned over to the grace of God. Such radical authenticity will bring greater freedom, peace, and happiness into one’s life.

I am honored to be able to attend a “one-day seminar with my husband,” presented by Dr. David Hawkins that will be held this November. This man is 80 years old and has committed his entire life to helping others and to spiritual research. His work is, I believe, profoundly important in the day and age in which we live. I am deeply thankful for the work he has contributed to our world!