Spiritual Things Matter

Pity the poor adult who has lost their sense of enchantment. ~ Scott M. Peck, M.D.

For the last number of years, my family and I have gone to Petit Jean State Park in Arkansas, to spend Christmas in a log cabin in the mountains. Hiking in the beautiful Ouachita Mountains has become one of our favorite past times. The fresh, crisp air during a good hike always made dinner time something special to look forward to. We also enjoyed visiting other near by towns, tasting the wonderful food and looking at the brightly decorated shops with their quaint trimmings for the Christmas Season. We have enjoyed doing this with our children, as we have left the hustle and bustle of the Christmas rush behind, and simply enjoyed each other’s company. We always bring personal gifts along with us and yet, in the material world in which we live, we are wanting to instill in our children that the greatest gift you can give is love and the celebration of family time together.

It was last December, when on the way down from Petit Jean mountain, my husband discovered a little animal farm. He came back to the cabin and told me that he had a surprise for the kids and not to tell them just yet. Horse back riding was going to be the big event of the day and although a novice by far, I too, was looking forward to riding a horse again. My husband finally sprang the surprise on our children and they could not wait for this little adventure that their Papa had planned.

This Animal Farm was new to this area and therefore we had never seen it during our earlier trips to the area. It was only a short distance from our cabin to the farm and upon our arrival, we all rushed out of the vehicle to see what was in store for us. And, what a delightful surprise it was!

As the owner (a lady who wanted to open this farm for the towns-people and the tourists there) prepared to saddle a horse for each of us, we were curious to see what this friendly place offered, so we all took a little walk around this farm. It only really consisted of a quaint red barn, which had stalls separating some of the animals and outside of the barn was a corral for the horses, and there we found a friendly turkey, some chickens, and a few dogs.

It was only a few minutes later that I heard my daughter shout from inside the barn, “Oh Mama, look at this kitty playing with this cute little piglet.” My son soon joined in with exuberance and shouted, “Mama, listen to this donkey. I’ve never heard a donkey sound like that before.” This donkey made all of us laugh as he bellowed and howled, showing off his large donkey teeth. My children were in awe of all the baby animals - they loved watching the little goats frolicsome playing in some hay and the kittens were especially interested in one particular piglet as she rolled around in the dirt. The little baby chicks didn’t seem at all bothered that they were the tiniest ones in the barn - they didn’t appear to have a care in the world and seemed to enjoy their existence just as it was. “Look at how happy these animals are,” shouted my daughter as she picked up one of those kittens with as much happiness and joy as all the animals seemed to feel.

The spirit of harmony and togetherness in this tiny farm was indescribable….and, it was magical! As I stood back taking in this lovely scene and for a brief moment, thinking of a painful and heartbreaking situation back home, my own heart was capturing the love, the happiness, and the enchantment of the moment. This was something that I had only seen in children’s story books which I had so often read to my pre-schoolers and yet, here in this tiny farm, it was a reality. It was the perfect definition of Christmas and a wonderful gift we all will remember for many years to come.

As we went on our horseback ride, all we could talk about was that happy scene we had just left behind. My daughter could not wait to go back and pet the animals just one more time and my son wanted to hear that funny donkey bellow again before we left. I enjoyed watching the owner engage herself with her animal friends as she gave so much love and care to them. My husband looked over at me and smiled….and, I smiled back as I understood how pleased he was that he found this farm and could offer such a gift to his family. It was a special memory indeed!

It is not God’s will merely that we should be happy, but that we should make ourselves happy. ~ Immanuel Kant

Ah, what a breath of fresh air this young man’s singing was to my heart. As I sat and watched Paul Potts sing, I realized that he embodied what my continuous growing belief-system is: we all have choices in our lives. We do not have to succumb to a “victim mentality” at any point or time. We can choose to take any circumstance that comes our way and look at it from a powerfully new and refreshing point of view. In all things, I believe, there are lessons to be learned. This young man spoke to the deepest part of my heart as he displayed his belief in himself and the gift that had been given to him, as well as a determination to never give up.

A number of years ago, I attended a week-long seminar that was entitled, “Exceptional Women.” I was moved to observe that each woman there had a story to tell and all were trying to find a better way to function as women, as wives, as lovers, and as human beings. Instead of falling into depression, feelings of helplessness, incessant worry, or allowing obsessive thoughts and behavior to rule their lives, these women had decided to take responsibility for their own happiness. I was deeply moved as I saw these courageous women display such honesty and a genuine desire to change.

Abraham Lincoln once said, “Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

Choosing happiness over chronic anger, frustration, complaining and constant fear, is a much wiser choice to make. It has long been realized that emotions have an enormous effect on our bodies. I am a firm believer that as human beings, it is important to express our emotions fully. To feel anger and fear, for example, is part of our human make-up. These emotions serve us well and help guide many of our decision-making processes. However, it is when we choose to get stuck in these feelings and not grow beyond them, or when we forget to be truly thankful for the many blessings that we have been given in our daily lives, that we are placed in danger of illnesses of all sorts - be it physical, emotional or even mental.

Fear of rejection and abandonment has been one of the more poignant issues that I have had to face. This fear was more deeply ingrained in me than even I could understand. It was a fear that could debilitate me to the point where I would witness events happening around me that, under normal circumstances, I would never allow to happen. That which I feared the most would come upon me, and I would once again begin to feel so broken. However, I also understand that situations come into our lives when we are ready and ripe enough to handle them. I knew that it was time for me to look at “rejection”and “abandonment” square in the face and to have the courage to ask myself some very hard and painful questions. I found out that it could not destroy me, nor could it shatter the strong spirit that I had been given. Most of all, however, it could not destroy my faith.

Choosing happiness over misery takes only one thing: - being truly honest with one’s self, which means to be willing to look at every detail of our life and ask ourselves if this is really the very best that we want to be. Most of us will find something in our lives that we would rather change for the better. When we make these changes, we will become more accepting and loving towards others. It will make us much more able to reach out with kindness and acceptance - that so many people desperately need. The choice is always ours…always.

Choosing to live a much happier life empowers a person to do things they never thought were possible. It gives them the energy and vitality to explore new possibilities. It gives them an odd sense of creativity that they never even knew they had. It will allow one to tap into a higher realm that has always existed but was not realized because our vision was focused on the lower things of this earth.

Paul Potts has indeed set a great example. As Minnie Pearl’s teacher once said, “Bruise your fingertips on the points of stars.” So, do go ahead and reach for those things that you really want in your life. Do go ahead and dare to dream big dreams and challenge yourself to live as happily as you can live. That takes true courage! You might be truly astounded at what all is possible and waiting there for you.

I wanted to add this last clip since Paul Potts won. Congratulations to you Paul! I wish you God’s very best for the rest of your life! You have truly touched my heart.

If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it. ~ Erma Louise Bombeck

My daughter recently said, “Mama, you seem so serious sometimes.” I chuckled at her since I have been thinking for a while now that I would like to relax this serious and stressful side that I have carried with me since childhood. I know how good laughter is for a person and how incredibly healing it is. It is wonderful how simple and truthfully children will express themselves. I cherish the innocent keenness of a child.

I also recently read where someone expressed that they feel their personality changed due to chronic stress. This person felt sensitized to suffering, but at the same time felt the need to shut it out. They even wondered about war veterans and if they had similar feelings. Moved by such a comparison, I desire for this person to be strengthened and to feel the warm comfort of God’s abiding love, wisdom and peace.

Stress comes in different forms and in different ways for people. What might be stressful for one person does not even faze another. What seems to be painful for one might only feel like a small discomfort for others. Each of us is different. Depending upon our make-up and background, we learn to deal with our difficult times accordingly.

Chronic stress, however, is something different. I would have to agree with the idea that it does change our personality, and perhaps for some, it can change their moral compass. Chronic stress is something that needs to be evaluated and healed on some level in order to function as a whole person again. It takes a willingness to look at life differently and to find a deeper meaning to the suffering we experience. Suffering certainly is very real to many, and I would never want to diminish that for anyone. To do so would be cruel and very wounding in itself. However, the deeper meaning to suffering is just as real, and finding it can set a human being free to find joy and happiness in life again. Even in our deepest pains are gifts to be found that one could never have thought possible. Then, hearing oneself able to laugh again becomes the evidence that a transformation has taken place.

There have been times in my own life where I felt that I could not handle even one more stressful circumstance. I have had to make adjustments to my own belief system and my own way of evaluating what really matters in life. At times, I needed to withdraw into my own space in order to clearly hear Wisdom speak to me.

As tears come from brokenness, so it seems that laughter builds our hearts back up. It seems to heal us as the echo of our laughter is heard and felt throughout ones entire body. Laughter’s joyous sound seems to elevate the spirit and distances the noisiness of this world. Laughter can bring perspective to our difficult situations and diffuse the dreadful momentum that stress can create.

Scientist have determined that our very cell structure changes when a person is happy and feels a sense of well-being. Finding ways to laugh each day is one of the best prescriptions for wellness anyone can offer. Pretty soon, one does not have to find laughter any longer, but with diligence, our vision changes and we see beauty, joy, and happiness everywhere we go. Our faces soften into smiles and laughter bursts forth as our hearts are set free from so many heavy burdens.

I am learning more each day to not take myself so incredibly serious. I am learning more each day to allow myself the freedom to feel joy completely, to notice the happy moments completely, and to embrace life with a thankful heart. It is with gratitude and grace that many happy moments are recognized. It is also with a lighter heart that I am able to see humor in even the most serious of situations, and simply realize that all of us are doing the very best we can. We all stumble along, fall over our own feet, and certainly make many messes. It is in those messes that humor can be found, and the seriousness suddenly diminishes into compassionate acceptance . . . and, with a chuckle on our face.

Happiness is itself a kind of gratitude. ~Jospeh Wood Krutch

Having read an interesting post by Dr. Helen at www.drhelen.blogspot.com on the effect of women’s anger on men, I brought up this subject with my husband. There are many honest comments on that post that I found very interesting, especially those written by men. I have given this a lot of thought and as my husband and I discussed this again yesterday while hiking, we both agreed that there are many very unrealistic expectations that people have when they enter into relationships - especially marriage. Women, I think, do this even more so than men because we tend to romanticize and idealize a lot more than our men do. Men’s expectations of “never-ending” sex are also realized as an ideal as they continue in marriage or in a long-term partnership. Both parties set themselves up for disappointment and a feeling of victimization.

As I read through the many comments on Dr. Helen’s post, I felt sad for these men. I also felt sad for the women because both partners were obviously hurting. I began to wonder what had happened to their communication over the years. Had the anger become so corrosive that it had even eaten away the ability to communicate? Had the fear of the angry partner become so intimidating that the other just threw up his hands and gave up? Where had the basic respect for each other gone, I wondered?

If growth and change are really desired, each must look within their own heart. One must become honest with themselves over even the slightest matters. No one can bring us happiness. We must take responsibility for our own happiness. It is unfair and impossible to place that task on someone else. True happiness lies deep within us, and nothing on the outside determines that condition. It is amazing how things will adjust themselves in our external world when we begin realize who we really are. We then begin to empower our relationships, and look to them as enhancement and not as fulfillment.

Prayer and meditation are one of the greatest ways to attain such a realization. It takes a focused eye and a determined heart to begin to live a life much more devoted to spiritual things rather than marching to the drums of our materialistic world. It requires a deeper desire to love and to see others in a kinder and a more realistic way. We can begin to pray for others and hold them close to our hearts as we desire change, healing and growth. Most of all, as we begin to shift our focus, we realize a greater love for ourselves. The seed of God is within us. As we begin to nurture that realization, it will begin to become even clearer that the possibilities of such a vision, such a lifestyle - are truly endless. Our ability to choose happiness by choosing God is far greater then we’ve been able to tap into.

Anger is corrosive in every way if it is not looked at and examined honestly. Anger tells us that we are hurting in some way. Anger is not “bad” but it is a signal that something is just not right within us. If we are willing to listen carefully, it will point us in the right direction - but it takes and honest and willing heart to do so. More often then not, we find that much of our anger, which is really pain and fear, is not so much because of the other person as it is within ourselves, and the unrealistic goals and expectations we have set.

The act of giving ourselves to God and turning everything over to Him in our prayers is a way to happiness that will deepen our roots. We will no longer be tossed to and fro each time we feel defensive or afraid, only looking to blame someone else. We will become as a tree planted by rivers of water - the storms may come and go but the planted tree is solid and strong. It will extend kindness and love even though others would rant and rave. It will give with compassion of its nourishing fruits, even though others would only take through greed and fear. Being planted deeply in our convictions to be loving and happy, we will not be moved by fear and intimidation. This kind of compassion and love can only be realized if we fully partake of its Life. Our Source is rich and unending with its creative power to heal and restore even the most difficult of circumstances.

Our search for happiness is our search for God. All else will fall to the wayside and will be realized as hollow and empty. True and lasting happiness can only be found in a living, viable relationship with our Creator God. I am deeply thankful for this reality!