“He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.” ~Aeschylus, Agamemnon
I wish for you,
all that is good for the coming year.
Laughter and a lighter heart
if your burden has become too heavy.
Clarity of thought
if pain has drowned out a sense of balance.
Healing for that part of you that has been injured
too deeply to put into words.
Wisdom to understand the difference between true suffering
and the too often pain which we experience
through our own false imaging.
I wish for you a gentler embrace
if you have been too harsh
with yourself as well as others;
A kinder outlook on who and what you are in this world;
Recognition for the gifts and beauty
that lie within the center of your being;
Awareness of the futility and wasted energy
of comparing yourself to others;
placing them on too high of a pedestal,
yearning for their approval, and the fear of their disapproval.
I wish for you a desire to heal that which you may have injured,
Understanding the wisdom our universe possesses
to bring all things into balance.
The ability to free yourself of guilt and shame
that has chained you down for far too long,
To find a peaceful existence with yourself
and with as many as is possible.
I wish for you deeper friendships,
greater insight into the human heart,
and authentic, more meaningful connections.
Above all, I wish you Love! An abundance of it!
And despite the loneliness of existence
which each of us will feel at some time in our life,
I pray that you will always have an awareness of a greater purpose,
of a greater Being that will keep you, teach you,
and assist you along the path of life.
May you learn to trust in that.
May you learn to pray simply and sincerely.
And, may you be comforted and healed in your body,
your mind,
and in your spirit.
Happy New Year!
Viola
*Thank you to The Rising Bloggerfor their very generous and kind recognition for my site and this post. (www.therisingblogger.com)
Men walk proudly upon this earth
Some appear like gods to smaller men.
Confidence cloaks something deeper still
Not seen at all upon their faces of pretense.
In the quiet of each solitary house
A dimly burning candle guides one deep within.
There one finds a wound so deep
All men cry out, though few admit.
Wounded mortality is the gift to all -
Therein one must find a lonely path:
A path that leads to many roads
The choice is not a gamble, but…a thought.
When one finally accepts themselves exactly as they are, then and only then, will fear of rejection disappear. ~Viola Jaynes
Rejection is one of those hurdles that everyone will encounter at some point in their life. It is an illusion that one must learn to use to their advantage in order to grow and learn.
I have seen many good people who, through their encounters with those who rejected them, have accumulated great self-doubt. It has been painful for them to be completely themselves because fear of rejection has paralyzed them.
Because I experienced rejection as a baby and toddler through parental neglect and then finally being placed in an orphanage, rejection has been acutely painful for me almost all of my life. Although I have been graced with the strength to follow my own heart - not having the need to be in the in-crowd, so to speak, I have nevertheless experienced profound feelings of rejections in my life. How does one handle such pain when it comes? For each one it will be different.
I have often thought about the phenomenon of rejection. The fear of it. The falsity of it. The illusion of it. And, the amazing potential it has within its make-up to create something in an individual to want to press beyond its pain. Rejection can be a worthy and fierce enemy.
There is no human being on this earth, no matter how beautiful, how handsome, how powerful, how controlled, how intelligent, or how rich, who does not suffer from the wounds of their own mortality. Each one of us is deeply wounded. Therefore, I believe, the rejection of another is an illusion! It is an illusion precisely because the need to place anyone on a platform reveals our lack of understanding of who we are – or, who they are.
Those who appear to be so in control of themselves struggle as much with their own humanity as we do with ours. Too often we look at men and women who appear larger then ourselves, thinking that they somehow have it all together. They too have their struggles and their own burdens to carry. Because we have to cope with life, hold down jobs and households, raise children and tend to the responsibilities of life, we have learned to wear our mask secure and tight. This mask even alienates us from our self. Because we are not in touch with our true self we hand our own power over to others too easily. It only adds to the complexity of really knowing ourselves.
Respect is earned!
When one is truly accepted and respected by someone, there is no need to build them up greater in our mind than what they really are. They will, through their respect for us, reveal their own humanity freely. I believe this to be a form of true greatness and humility. Respect then becomes mutual because the fear of rejection has been taken away. We can be ourselves and we realize that acceptance is profoundly healing!
When we begin the process of waking up to this gift we call “life,” we come to know ourselves much better. We begin to truly learn who and what we are. Fear of rejection lessens the more we wake up to ourselves. For some this can take a life time. I love what the French philosopher and writer, Teilhard de Chardin, once said: ” We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” Waking up to life and to ourselves can come to us in many different forms – often in the form of pain. Rejection is one of them; it is one of man’s greatest fears! Everyone fears it and we do what ever it takes to flee from it as far as possible. Even if it means not participating in life itself.
There is something about pain that causes us to give heed to what is happening; we begin to pay attention. We start listening to our deeper self. Pain often serves as a wake up call. We begin to search for answers - often calling out to God for assistance and mercy. It it then that we begin to see with another eye - a spiritual eye. We can now begin to understand life on a different level. Fear of rejection by other mortal men no matter how grant they might appear becomes less painful and less dramatic. We see it for what it is. A falsity!
We must never allow ourselves to be housed in by the limitations and expectations of others, nor by their criticism of us or suspicions of us, which are all too often unwarranted. People will project themselves unto us and it would behoove us to understand this. No one knows us better than ourselves! Learning to listen to that still, small voice within our own hearts is the beginning to finding a more sure way for ourselves in this world.
Our inner landscape is rich and generous! Nurturing ourselves to heal the wounds that we have allowed others to inflict upon us will be a process that will bring us closer to our true self again - closer to God.
We all know the areas we need to grow in but we also know our own strength. It is time to allow that true Self to emerge and to experience life in the way it was meant for us live. If we learn to nurture ourselves in this way – life will nurture us! We will at last experience a much more harmonious existence for ourselves.
Within you there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself. ~Herman Hesse
I wish each of my dear readers blessings in abundance!
Oh, that silence! That which so intensifies my pain.
Silence drives me to search for a voice that brings comforting reassurance and understanding to a heart that cannot speak. A voice of one who knows the pain of too much love and too much brokenness. A voice of one who understands the human heart with all its potential for light and darkness. This voice I listen for will speak like a slow in-coming wave, with its powerful and majestic thunder-like peace.
It will say:
Speak and withhold nothing.
Speak clearly of that which lies so heavy upon your heart.
Speak, and I will listen, intently and thoughtfully.
Do not hold back, but speak – you who are like a broken arrow,
that you may once again pierce through the impossible.
That you may fly with precision and purpose through that infinite distance
for which you have been created.
Speak, though your chin may quiver as the forces are loosened and the dams are broken.
Speak, oh broken arrow, that you may land in that which has found its purpose in you.
Oh, let that deep wound heal now!
Let your weeping voice pour out;
Let each drop of those tears fill the hollow spaces that your wound has brought to light. May those spaces feel the warmth of your tears
As they penetrate through the driest barriers,
And let its salt become as a healing ointment, filling all empty spaces with understanding and love.
Speak!
Withhold not your deepest of thoughts.
For if you withhold even one thought,
it awaits again, in a silent reservoir
Filling it with your tears as your heart weeps once more,
For it has no place to go but deeper within you,
Making still deeper and wider those empty spaces.
Speak therefore!
Find your long-awaited peace!
Speak now.
