Journey of the Heart
Honor the moment of suffering for in such is the kernel of knowledge. Turn inward for in the stillness will be your strength. ~Diane Ethridge
From the very beginning of life, a journey begins in our hearts that will eventually find either a peaceful ending or one of sadness and regret. How enlightening it is when it is realized that this is usually a choice completely of our own making. A choice that I pray will be wise and thoughtfully lived out as our heart travels through this life.
As we learn to be open to life’s experiences, we allow our heart to take note of all the wonderful emotions that we as human beings have been granted. It takes wonderment and curiosity as only a child possesses to live life to its fullest, and to let our heart expand with each phase and with each new experience. It is a great gift to ourselves when we allow our inward child to remain with us until the end of our earthly journey. The joy that child can bring into our lives through its perceptive awareness, is profound.
Coming to the United States at the age of 14, and not being able to speak any English, was a great challenge for me. Growing up in an orphanage, and not ever having experienced the closeness and love of a mother and father, created a feeling of distance between the world and myself. I often felt I had to protect myself at all cost. After arriving in America, I lived with my father and his then wife. I suddenly found myself going to school and work experiencing both a reality on the outside world, and a entirely different reality in my internal world. As a result, I found myself very lonely and afraid much of the time. The dysfunctional behavior from those I lived with only added to the complexity. I felt so alone.
Once, a teenage boy I worked with asked to take me out to dinner. After he brought me back home, he turned to kiss me and I became paralyzed with fear. How would it ever be possible to allow someone to get physically close to me? I turned my head quickly and knew very well that my embarrassment was far more than what would be considered “normal” for a teenager experiencing her first date and her first kiss. At my very core, I realized that I feared “love” and found myself not knowing how to react. I trusted no one with my life, and I continued to shut myself off within but somehow managed to wear my “outward” mask well. During my teenage years and throughout my mid-twenties, I never allowed myself to date because the fear of facing the inevitable rejection that young hearts sometimes experience as they search for love, paralyzed me.
Today, after 19 years of marriage, I can look back at those innocent and fearful years and understand that I often shut life out because I was afraid to open my heart and truly feel the passion that life holds for all of us. Today, I look forward in anticipation to continue to open my heart to other hearts, to new experiences, to greater passions and joys, and to live life truly in its fullness and beauty. As I look back, there is the realization that even in my paralysis, I have gained some wisdom and understanding, for this has been my continual prayer. Today, I bow in thankfulness for God’s grace and love as He continues to heal all areas of this life. Through His wisdom, He has allowed circumstances to come into my life that have made me look at this fearful heart of mine, and to understand that in all things are nuggets of wisdom and insight to be found.
In my contemplation, I realize that my heart has traveled a long journey. At times, I have tired and I have wondered how to continue on. Nowadays, though, I realize that I desire for my heart to keep on traveling, to keep the courage, and to see beauty in all things. To love and be loved, and to understand that even the pain it may bring, compares not to the joy that I feel from allowing my heart to be free from so much unnecessary fear.
Travel on my heart, travel on
It is safe to travel on.
Life holds beauties yet unseen.
Travel on my heart, travel on.
Give freely and gently of your heart
and you will see that it is no longer just in part.
For life is one continuous exchange -
of beauty, love and grace.
Embrace it with wonderment - for it is safe
Love’s eternal presence will always aid.
Travel on my heart, travel on
It is safe to travel on.
Life holds beauties yet unseen.
Travel on my heart, travel on.
Viola Jaynes
