Spiritual Things Matter

I wish for you,
all that is good for the coming year.
Laughter and a lighter heart
if your burden has become too heavy.
Clarity of thought
if pain has drowned out a sense of balance.
Healing for that part of you that has been injured
too deeply to put into words.
Wisdom to understand the difference between true suffering
and the too often pain which we experience
through our own false imaging.

I wish for you a gentler embrace
if you have been too harsh
with yourself as well as others;
A kinder outlook on who and what you are in this world;
Recognition for the gifts and beauty
that lie within the center of your being;
Awareness of the futility and wasted energy
of comparing yourself to others;
placing them on too high of a pedestal,
yearning for their approval, and the fear of their disapproval.

I wish for you a desire to heal that which you may have injured,
Understanding the wisdom our universe possesses
to bring all things into balance.
The ability to free yourself of guilt and shame
that has chained you down for far too long,
To find a peaceful existence with yourself
and with as many as is possible.
I wish for you deeper friendships,
greater insight into the human heart,
and authentic, more meaningful connections.

Above all, I wish you Love! An abundance of it!

And  despite the loneliness of existence
which each of us will feel at some time in our life,
I pray that you will always have an awareness of a greater purpose,
of a greater Being that will keep you, teach you,
and assist you along the path of life.
May you learn to trust in that.
May you learn to pray simply and sincerely.
And, may you be comforted and healed in your body,
your mind,
and in your spirit.

Happy New Year!

Viola

*Thank you to The Rising Blogger for their very generous and kind recognition for my site and this post.  (www.therisingblogger.com)

Oh, that silence! That which so intensifies my pain.
Silence drives me to search for a voice that brings comforting reassurance and understanding to a heart that cannot speak. A voice of one who knows the pain of too much love and too much brokenness. A voice of one who understands the human heart with all its potential for light and darkness. This voice I listen for will speak like a slow in-coming wave, with its powerful and majestic thunder-like peace.

It will say:

Speak and withhold nothing.
Speak clearly of that which lies so heavy upon your heart.
Speak, and I will listen, intently and thoughtfully.

Do not hold back, but speak – you who are like a broken arrow,
that you may once again pierce through the impossible.
That you may fly with precision and purpose through that infinite distance
for which you have been created.
Speak, though your chin may quiver as the forces are loosened and the dams are broken.
Speak, oh broken arrow, that you may land in that which has found its purpose in you.

Oh, let that deep wound heal now!
Let your weeping voice pour out;
Let each drop of those tears fill the hollow spaces that your wound has brought to light. May those spaces feel the warmth of your tears
As they penetrate through the driest barriers,
And let its salt become as a healing ointment, filling all empty spaces with understanding and love.

Speak!

Withhold not your deepest of thoughts.
For if you withhold even one thought,
it awaits again, in a silent reservoir
Filling it with your tears as your heart weeps once more,
For it has no place to go but deeper within you,
Making still deeper and wider those empty spaces.

Speak therefore!
Find your long-awaited peace!
Speak now.

~Viola M. Jaynes
March 2008

Be assured that if you knew all, you would pardon all.
– Thomas A. Kempis.

Forgiveness is a gift that has been given to us freely. If we embrace this gift, our lives will forever be changed and our path will have been forever altered. If we still ourselves and enter into our own silence, we will begin to comprehend just what forgiveness really means. It is not for the faint-hearted.

As I contemplate the concept of forgiveness, my mind wanders back many years ago when a close friend deeply hurt me. The hurt that I felt was so profound that I allowed it to turn into anger. As long as I live, I will never forget one night in my bed, feeling this anger manifest as something very dark in my physical body. It was as though angry lightning shot through my every vein and bone. It frightened me and it was that night that I asked God to help me. Never again did I want to allow anger to have such a powerful hold on me. Over time, I was able to forgive this friend as I changed my own perception of things.

It was only recently that my prayer and determination of never again was thoroughly tested. The time had come to see if being injured again by a very dear friend, would manifest the fruits that I had desired so many years ago. It was a test that I would have never expected.

As I knelt in prayer and felt the agony and pain of betrayal so intensely again, I heard myself saying, “I will only bless and bless again. Only blessings will come from my mouth and only blessings will come through these hands.”

Thus, I have managed to work through some deep pain with only a desire in my heart to find healing and peace. It did not happen over night and many tears were shed in this process. However, the feeling in my heart has been one of love and compassion, knowing that we all only understand in part. Feelings of anger and betrayal that I felt so strongly, I turned over to God over and over again. My commitment to what I had promised myself so many years ago was deeply edged into my heart. Love was going to be the only answer! Thus, through forgiveness, I have found my own healing and thus I am convinced that it is forgiveness that becomes our greatest healer.

I have seen in others and myself what anger and unforgiveness can do to a human being. It will only further a victim mentality, only nurse self-pity, and it only keeps a person from following their truest potentials in life. It serves no purpose whatsoever and only robs the person of integrity and their own sense of well being. Most of all, it keeps us from trusting and loving again, and thus walls of separation are created between men. The beauty of the human soul is veiled with a dark veil of bitterness.

How much stronger is the power of forgiveness which ultimately is the power of love? To be able to forgive allows one to reclaim their personal power. It frees one of pre-conceived notions of how life should be and how others should treat us. Furthermore, it allows one to let go of grievances, allowing the flow of life’s energy to flow freely and unrestricted through us and to us. Forgiveness brings freedom. The beauty of its expression with its outstretched arms, dismantles fears and doubts.

As we walk on our spiritual path we gain greater understanding of how much we don’t know. Humility does its work deep in our hearts, which will lead to greater wisdom and a deeper understanding of our relationships with others. We are given the realization that each and every person does the best they know to do with the understanding they have at the time. Many of our dealings with others are born out of fear. We all are growing and learning, and we continue to evolve as we seek a spiritual path of excellence.

Love is the greatest spiritual manifestation on this earth. Our path must be practical for it to be effective. It must start with those who hear a voice echoing within the silence of their own hearts, beckoning to release the power of forgiveness, and to let the manifestation of its love heal our own brokenness. Then, and only then, will we be able to effectively assist in healing the broken lives of those around us.

*this post has been previously posted in March 2007

The absolute value of love makes life worth while, and so makes man’s strange and difficult situations acceptable. Love cannot save life from death; but it can fulfill life’s purpose. ~ Arnold J. Toynbee

All around the globe, Valentine’s Day was celebrated this month as an acknowledgement of that special someone in our lives. In this country, that celebration has extended beyond that romance partner to include all those people that play a special role in our lives. We give flowers, cards, chocolate, and perhaps for some, a more meaningful and lasting gift.

In the midst of all those fuzzy feelings floating around, I was ever so keenly aware that there is yet another dimension to love that is not so readily seen. You see, I believe that certain people are placed into our lives, perhaps just for a season, or, perhaps much longer. They are placed into our care, our soul-care, if you will. Those are the people whom we want to elevate and inspire. These are the people we want to be there for and to encourage.  These are the people that we always remember in our prayers.  At the same time, I believe that we are also placed into someone else’s care, someone else’s soul-care. It is that person, or those people, who will stand with us no matter what. They somehow understand us, accept us, pray for us, and see us through our own “dark night of the soul.”  Such a gift cannot be bought at any price.

My mind goes back to August, 1976, when I experienced such a relationship as a 14 year-old girl.

I was upstairs in my bedroom folding my clothes and getting ready to pack to move to America.  My father, an American, had found me in an orphanage in Augsburg, Germany.  As I was packing, I noted that I was filled with such varied emotions of excitement, fear, trepidation, and sadness of leaving my friends behind.  My thoughts were interrupted by the voices of the children calling me from downstairs, letting me know I had a visitor.  It was not a usual occurrence that we had visitors, and thus, it took me by great surprise.

I proceeded to go downstairs when I saw a teacher standing at the bottom of the staircase.  I could see her white teeth as she greeted me with such familiarity and warmth.  This was a school teacher whom I had in third through sixth grade.  Her name was Anneliese Reisberg.  You see, I loved this teacher with all my heart and yet I kept that love tucked away as a secret.  I had felt embarrassed and ashamed of it, because after all, she was just my teacher.  One of my favorite things she used to do is put her hand on the back of my neck each time I was being mischievous.  She did it with such tenderness, and in this way, I believe she revealed her heart to me.  Perhaps, being mischievous came just a little easier because of it.  Walking further down the stairs, I noticed she had a letter and a gift in her hand.  She explained that the children at the school told her that I was moving to America and she had wanted to come to the orphanage so she could say goodbye and to wish me well.  As she handed me the letter and the gift, she embraced me tight.  I was speechless, and my face had turned completely red.  Our last goodbye was quick.  She left and I proceeded to go back upstairs to read my letter and to open my gift.

I closed the door behind me and sat on my bed.  I began to read that letter, and tears quickly welled up in my eyes.  The lines I was reading revealed to me what I had felt in my heart for four years:  I was special to her as well.  She explained to me that she had wanted to adopt me but could not because of her own home life situation.  She felt it would have been unfair to me.  I then opened my gift and began to weep even more as I pulled out a tiny four-leaf clover pendant.  It was crafted with exquisite delicateness and given with such love.  I kept it for years before it was lost, and after the birth of my daughter, I had a new one made for her to keep someday.  During my early years in this country, I would read her letter over and over again, folding it and unfolding it, each time soaking it in my own tears.  One day, it simply crumbled in my hands as I tried to unfold it once more.

This love came with a bittersweet price.  Our relationship was never meant to be a mother-daughter relationship even though we both had wanted that.  As we both have grown in this mystical relationship, we both have realized that we have been given into each others care, into each others soul-care.

Love comes to us as a gift.  With it will come the most exquisite feelings of joy, of happiness, of fulfillment, and most of all, of belonging.  Yet, nothing in this life time can purge us in the way that pain, which love can bring into our lives, can.  It will take us to the very heights and to the very depths of our soul.  It will stun us into complete silence for a time.  Yet I say, oh how wonderful it is to be able to love!

And though it’s pangs are strong and fierce,
Let us never fear to love again and again,
Until we melt into its very essence.

~Viola Jaynes