Spiritual Things Matter

The art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging to a particular mood of happiness, but in allowing happiness to change its form without being disappointed by the change; for happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up. ~Charles Langbridge Morgan

From early on, we have certain ideals about the way we think our life should be. During our “terrible twos,” temper tantrums were expressed when things did not go our way. When we became teenagers, we experienced great growing pangs as we entered into early adulthood. Then, as adults, we find ourselves at times in precarious situations because we often are determined to hold tightly to our ideals which can turn into great stumbling blocks.

I have to re-learn this lesson again and again as I have chosen my own ideals. I try to teach my children to have dreams and goals that they would like to work towards. I try to teach them to look at the bright side of life, to see the glass half full instead of half empty. Yet, I am also keenly aware that my own ideals have at times been a stumbling block for me.

In my life, I have noticed that when my ideals serve me well, my life seems to be in harmony. It seems to carry with it an energy and creativity that molds and shapes these ideals into a realistic and workable goal. Mutual giving and receiving seems to take place in relationships that one comes in contact with. It is accompanied with a feeling of well being, acceptance and joy, as well as a sense of gratitude.

During those times when my ideals, no matter how noble they are, work against me, it often follows with a great amount of confusion and disappointment. When these ideals are not met, no matter how hard one reaches for them, they can cause self-doubt and fear. These ideals become heavy stones around my neck when I stubbornly keep carrying this unnecessary weight, which has long become a heavy burden. Not surprisingly, it creates a stooped emotional posture, and looking up to see the world as it really is becomes a difficult task.

I have noticed this tendency in parenting my children. My ideals for the way my children should turn out may not match with the design they were created to be. If I hold to my rigid ideals and unrealistic goals, it may very well become a source of pain to them, thus having the complete opposite affect of what my original and good intentions were.

We humans tend to cling to all kinds of things. We cling to jobs, money, and material gain. We tend to cling to other people, and their approval and recognition. We tend to hold on to our pains and perceived lacks. I have seen far too many good people turn to some sort of addiction in order to cope with the loss and disappointments of ideals that did not serve them well. Their inward battle creates this painful cycle of addiction, and it often steals so many years from their lives. It steals their dignity, and it keeps them from growing inwardly, and out of that pain. It does not have to be that way.

I say this often in my writings because I am deeply convinced of its truth. It takes continual self-examination and self-honesty to recognize even the most subtle clinging to old patterns. I am convinced that so many of our problems can be healed, as well as solved, if we would only take the time to look inward and be completely honest with ourselves. There is no need for harshness and judgment, for that is also futile. Only a willingness, accompanied with great understanding and gentleness, is necessary to turn our concerns, no matter how small they are, over to the great Deity that created us. This can bring about a blossoming and healing in our lives as we experience the maturation process and spiritual growth that will finally enable us to open our hands and let go.

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. ~Lao Tzu

In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer. ~Albert Camus

Due to the recent loss in our family, I have contemplated once more the meaning of pain and suffering that we as humans so often experience. No one wants to suffer and none of us want to go through the process of suffering. This process is painful and it is a place of profound loneliness as we face those “winter moments” in our lives.

I have tried to imagine what life would be like if we never had to suffer. And if throughout our lives, everything went exactly the way we wished it would be. If we had all the love, all of the talent and intellectual capacities, if we were all-powerful and had wealth beyond measure, what would we as human beings be like? I wonder as multi-dimensional beings, could we grow, develop and strengthen our inner spiritual selves and our physical and mental well being? Could we comprehend, even in the least, that life is far greater than the meeting of our external physical needs? Would we simply exist in an infantile state only seeking to gratify the next desire?

When a person experiences suffering, the pain can go very deep. Often words can utterly fail us. We would rather find a place to ourselves to shelter us from the voracity of the assailant. Indeed, if we could, we would retreat completely until we have a chance to heal and dry our bitter tears.

“Life is difficult.” This is the first sentence Dr. M. Scott Peck wrote in his ground-breaking book, “The Road Less Traveled.” Dr. Peck gave us the benefit of this work that I would recommend to everyone to read at least once. And so it is….life is difficult and arduous! This is also the first of the “Four Noble Truths”, as taught by Buddha. “Life is suffering.” And yet, something profoundly beautiful can take place in a human life when they experience suffering. It is within their own choice to transform it into something workable and meaningful in and for their own experience. Life on this earth gives us many opportunities to grow and evolve into generous, kind and loving human beings. Not all will chose to go that path but the opportunities are there each and every time we encounter hardship and loss.

Pain and suffering create an inroad into our deeper selves. Kahlil Gibran says it beautifully, “Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.” This “understanding,” once realized, is profoundly transformative and provides us with the means to “ground” ourselves in order to find a greater purpose for our lives.

I wish for each of my readers to be strengthened when you go through your own pain. Indeed, pain will come to all of us, without exception. The treasure of God lies within you and it is within you where you will find the wisdom and understanding that you will need. All the strength and fortitude will be there to enable you to live through each painful second. Be not afraid but understand that you are never alone. You will emerge stronger, having learned lessons that could never have been bought for a price. That, I believe, is called, “Grace” and that grace will be your gift!

Gently, I smile as I realize,
The pangs of my pain
The wounds of my sufferings
Are transformed into
A tranquil river of love. ~Viola M. Jaynes

While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil. ~ John Taylor

Yesterday, we had a death in our family. It was something that happened so fast that everyone is still in a state of shock and bewilderment. It is one of those events where people are wondering about the fairness of life. The sorrow and pain is felt deeply.

My husband’s aunt, a lovely lady, re-married a year ago to a man she had attended high school with, but didn’t know him well until she attended a more recent high school reunion. She was previously married and had two children in this marriage who adore her, but had been divorced for a long time. She worked herself through college and had become a teacher of Texas History and Special Education over the years in a local public school. She is wonderful with young people and has loved her job. At the end of this school year, she was looking forward to retirement with her new bridegroom having planned and dreamed to spend their remaining wonderful years together.

Her new husband had lost his wife about four years ago to cancer. They had three daughters together between 18 - 24 years of age. The family was very close, their marriage was strong, and the children flourished. The loss of their mother was very hard on them. Other family members, friends, and neighbors stepped in to help. They had also lost their grandmother last year, with whom they were all very close.

I remember the first time my husband’s aunt called me and told me that she had found this wonderful man. I could tell in her voice how happy she was, and I was so thrilled for her because I knew that she had not had an easy life. There is something so profoundly comforting when you meet someone that loves you and understands you for who and what you are. A man with whom you can share your life with.

Last month in April, the health problems began. Evidently, he had an abnormal heart beat for a long time, but it had never caused serious problems. Over the last Christmas vacation, the entire family went skiing, and I was told he had some problems getting his breath. Beginning in April, he was in an out of the hospital for testing. It began to look more serious than what anyone had expected. This past week, he had a “code blue” four times. Finally, the doctor and nurse began to cry as they could not bring him back during the last code blue. They felt so helpless because his heart simply wanted to stop.

Entering into the ICU unit, I found family and friends holding each other and crying. His three daughters were in a state of shock, and my husband’s aunt and children were wounded and broken by the death of her new husband. What I heard the loudest was how wonderful it was that those two had found each other, and “how was it possible that life could bring such a sudden death.” They were in the process of building a new home together and making plans for a wonderful retirement. It did not seem fair.

The other thing that was in the forefront of everyone’s mind was the three girls that were now left without their mother, father, and grandmother. How was it possible that these young girls would lose both their parents in a matter of four years? This also seemed so incredibly unbelievable and unfair.

As I looked at this man lying lifeless in that hospital bed, I realized just how large the spirit infills a human vessel. He seemed so frail and small without the spirit of life in him. I realized that the energy and life that makes us who we are on this earth is simply too great to be housed in a small body for too long. Our body is given as a gift to us to learn lessons in this lifetime, after which it is shed to once again return from where it came.

Embracing Death

Oh death, suddenly you come - but we fear you not.
You teach us awareness, each and every time.
You teach us humility and gratefulness.
Your presence brings new resolve into our lives -
to be kinder to all who have been entrusted to us.
To love even more deeply those who need us -
as well as those who want from us.

Oh death, you embrace us with a very cold chill -
leaving us to find warmth and comfort again.
You whisper realities into our ears that are not of this world -
that we might seek and seek,
and then finally find a deeper
and more secure place within ourselves.
Indeed, you are a part of the cycle of birth and dying -
of beginning and ending.
Yet, never the end to Light and Love -
for always it will continue on.

Let comfort come to those who are left behind.
Let light and hope illuminate the heart.
Let time bring its gentle healing kiss -
that tears may transform grief into laughter and joy again.
Let the beauty of life blossom
in each one who has loved him - whom you have taken.
Let them always remember him
and the joy and the love he so generously gave.

. . . Dedicated to the Memory of Barney Bolt . . .

Viola M. Jaynes
May 2008

This Mother’s Day, the one person that comes to mind who has inspired me to become an even better mother is, Elisabeth Fritzl. This courageous Austrian woman has astonished so many of us with her efforts to give her children some sense of normalcy in an incredible abnormal environment. Her mother’s heart gave and kept on giving, although she only received profound sorrow and pain which lasted nearly a quarter of a century. The decorations in her tiny cellar moved me to tears as it shows so clearly that she remembered the stars and the moon which once represented her freedom. She shared that with her children, as was obvious, when her youngest child pointed to the moon and asked if God lived there. Her brokenness is severe and deep. May we wrap her and her children into our hearts and remember them in our prayers…even long after this story is no longer in the forefront.

Dear Brave Soul, Happy Mother’s Day!

Slowly emerging from all that was dark
into the light - which seems so painfully bright.
Slowly, very slowly, each step must be taken -
into freedom…..as senses are overwhelmed
by the generosity of life.

Love and life will embrace you soundly
Goodness and kindness are there to lift you up.
You are a part of our life!
You are a part of our world!
Welcoming you openly -
for love will embrace you all around.

Life with all its complexities
with all its painful sorrows and tears,
cannot be explained with our,
so very limited eyes of understanding -
for only one piece of the puzzle we see.

Yet, life remains a wondrous gift to be lived
with so much love and mysteries yet to be had.
We welcome you with all our hearts!
Embracing you with so much love!
And, with many, many tender thoughts that, now at last,
peace for you and your children will flourish -
forever…holding you securely - far above.

Thank you, oh, brave and fragile soul,
for loving your children - despite it all.
Thank you for teaching them with the little that you had.
Thank you for your astounding bravery and courage.
And thank you, oh, dear tender soul,
for having truly done your very, very best!

May the sun shine tenderly on you -
May her warmth bring healing comfort to your broken heart.
May the wind whisper his eternal truths into your ears
And may you sense his abiding strength as well as his tender mercies.
May the rain fall extra gently upon your brow.
And may each tender droplet bring new rhythm to your thoughts.
May your tears flow freely that you might feel again and begin to heal.
May life bring its beauty to you -
With generosity and with grace.
May it envelope you with new truth and new hope -
That you may find your own beauty which abides richly in you.
And, may Love embrace you and your children -
As our world cradles you firmly and tenderly in her prayers.

Happy Mother’s Day, our very dear Elisabeth!

Viola M. Jaynes
Mother’s Day 2008