Spiritual Things Matter

Sandy Carlson is a blogger friend that often visits my site. I have admired her work as well as her artistic abilities in writing, poetry, graffiti, photography, and making slides. You may visit her site here. She is not only a gifted individual but she also has a very gentle and kind spirit. I appreciate her very much and I wanted to post this essay she wrote. Well done, Sandy!

If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced. (Vincent Van Gogh)

Acceptance and rejection are two sides of a coin that must be invested and reinvested in the creative process. They are insights, holes in the walls that isolate us from the world around us and let in the light of understanding.

It can take time to assimilate both acceptance and rejection and avoid the pitfall of becoming complacent in response to the former and inactive in response to the latter. This can be difficult because artists are vulnerable at every turn in the creative process. They have expressed whatever is true and real in themselves in the truest, most real way possible, and they await a response. Will you stop and look? Give it a thought? Do you get it? Do you care?

On Sunday, I attended a forum on acceptance and rejection at Wisdom House. There, a panel of five artists–sculptor Joy Brown, poet Davyne Verstandig, visual artist and writer Florin Firimita, actress Cady McClain, and music director Tim Stella discussed the place of acceptance and rejection in their lives. Two reflections struck a chord with me.

One came from Florin Firimita. He talked about an experience about 18 years ago, shortly after he had emigrated from Romania to the US via Italy. He had been sitting for five hours with a gallery owner who had seen his work. At the end of the conversation, the gallery owner told him he wouldn’t show Firimita’s work–flowers and landscapes–because it was, he said, wall paper. He told the young artist he didn’t believe his body of work reflected who he was. Firimita spent a year thinking about what this provocative statement could mean. Ultimately, he discovered the gallery owner was right, and he changed his direction as an artist. His florals and landscapes gave way to psychological landscapes that explore the universal themes of identity, love, death, loss, reality, dreams and memories.

The other came from sculptor Joy Brown. She talked about her time in Japan as an apprentice sculptor. She had thrown countless sake cups, but not a one pleased her teacher. So off they went to the dump. The student had more to offer, and the teacher was not willing to settle before she realized it for herself. Accepting that meant accepting a broader horizon full of possibilities. She discovered later, though, that the man who had managed the dump had rescued her little cups from the rubbish and displayed them around his hut. They pleased him; he found them beautiful. These cups were works of art for him though they were merely a step in a broader creative process for Brown.

I’ve known acceptance and rejection. They feel the same to me. I prefer that moment when I am creating and nobody is around and the voice inside says “yes.” I don’t always here it, and it doesn’t last long; it doesn’t have to. The “yes” is the air in the cushion that protects me from the pain of rejection and even the painful challenge of acceptance. The “yes” tells me what I have done is true and good right now. And it asks, “Will you come with me, please?”

Oh, that silence! That which so intensifies my pain.
Silence drives me to search for a voice that brings comforting reassurance and understanding to a heart that cannot speak. A voice of one who knows the pain of too much love and too much brokenness. A voice of one who understands the human heart with all its potential for light and darkness. This voice I listen for will speak like a slow in-coming wave, with its powerful and majestic thunder-like peace.

It will say:

Speak and withhold nothing.
Speak clearly of that which lies so heavy upon your heart.
Speak, and I will listen, intently and thoughtfully.

Do not hold back, but speak - you who are like a broken arrow,
that you may once again pierce through the impossible.
That you may fly with precision and purpose through that infinite distance
for which you have been created.
Speak, though your chin may quiver as the forces are loosened and the dams are broken.
Speak, oh broken arrow, that you may land in that which has found its purpose in you.

Oh, let that deep wound heal now!
Let your weeping voice pour out;
Let each drop of those tears fill the hollow spaces that your wound has brought to light. May those spaces feel the warmth of your tears
As they penetrate through the driest barriers,
And let its salt become as a healing ointment, filling all empty spaces with understanding and love.

Speak!

Withhold not your deepest of thoughts.
For if you withhold even one thought,
it awaits again, in a silent reservoir
Filling it with your tears as your heart weeps once more,
For it has no place to go but deeper within you,
Making still deeper and wider those empty spaces.

Speak therefore!
Find your long-awaited peace!
Speak now.

The silence of another matters no longer.
Man’s understanding and wisdom are limited.
The arts of love and forgiveness are rare.
Fear no longer those who reject you and scoff at you.
I have heard your cry.
I have seen your tears.
Fear no longer those who want to hurt you.
They cannot.

Now, let your heart speak,
I have come to comfort you.

~Viola M. Jaynes
March 2008

It is not God’s will merely that we should be happy, but that we should make ourselves happy. ~ Immanuel Kant

Ah, what a breath of fresh air this young man’s singing was to my heart. As I sat and watched Paul Potts sing, I realized that he embodied what my continuous growing belief-system is: we all have choices in our lives. We do not have to succumb to a “victim mentality” at any point or time. We can choose to take any circumstance that comes our way and look at it from a powerfully new and refreshing point of view. In all things, I believe, there are lessons to be learned. This young man spoke to the deepest part of my heart as he displayed his belief in himself and the gift that had been given to him, as well as a determination to never give up.

A number of years ago, I attended a week-long seminar that was entitled, “Exceptional Women.” I was moved to observe that each woman there had a story to tell and all were trying to find a better way to function as women, as wives, as lovers, and as human beings. Instead of falling into depression, feelings of helplessness, incessant worry, or allowing obsessive thoughts and behavior to rule their lives, these women had decided to take responsibility for their own happiness. I was deeply moved as I saw these courageous women display such honesty and a genuine desire to change.

Abraham Lincoln once said, “Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

Choosing happiness over chronic anger, frustration, complaining and constant fear, is a much wiser choice to make. It has long been realized that emotions have an enormous effect on our bodies. I am a firm believer that as human beings, it is important to express our emotions fully. To feel anger and fear, for example, is part of our human make-up. These emotions serve us well and help guide many of our decision-making processes. However, it is when we choose to get stuck in these feelings and not grow beyond them, or when we forget to be truly thankful for the many blessings that we have been given in our daily lives, that we are placed in danger of illnesses of all sorts - be it physical, emotional or even mental.

Fear of rejection and abandonment has been one of the more poignant issues that I have had to face. This fear was more deeply ingrained in me than even I could understand. It was a fear that could debilitate me to the point where I would witness events happening around me that, under normal circumstances, I would never allow to happen. That which I feared the most would come upon me, and I would once again begin to feel so broken. However, I also understand that situations come into our lives when we are ready and ripe enough to handle them. I knew that it was time for me to look at “rejection”and “abandonment” square in the face and to have the courage to ask myself some very hard and painful questions. I found out that it could not destroy me, nor could it shatter the strong spirit that I had been given. Most of all, however, it could not destroy my faith.

Choosing happiness over misery takes only one thing: - being truly honest with one’s self, which means to be willing to look at every detail of our life and ask ourselves if this is really the very best that we want to be. Most of us will find something in our lives that we would rather change for the better. When we make these changes, we will become more accepting and loving towards others. It will make us much more able to reach out with kindness and acceptance - that so many people desperately need. The choice is always ours…always.

Choosing to live a much happier life empowers a person to do things they never thought were possible. It gives them the energy and vitality to explore new possibilities. It gives them an odd sense of creativity that they never even knew they had. It will allow one to tap into a higher realm that has always existed but was not realized because our vision was focused on the lower things of this earth.

Paul Potts has indeed set a great example. As Minnie Pearl’s teacher once said, “Bruise your fingertips on the points of stars.” So, do go ahead and reach for those things that you really want in your life. Do go ahead and dare to dream big dreams and challenge yourself to live as happily as you can live. That takes true courage! You might be truly astounded at what all is possible and waiting there for you.

I wanted to add this last clip since Paul Potts won. Congratulations to you Paul! I wish you God’s very best for the rest of your life! You have truly touched my heart.

Man’s loneliness is but his fear of life. ~ Eugene O’ Neil

Not too long ago, I read an article written by a man that expressed how he viewed the interactions of people. At the end, he concluded that every person cares only for himself or herself. The writer went on to say that no one really cares about anyone else except for a choice few who are directly related to the person such as a mother, father, or a spouse. I thought about that article for a long time. As I pondered, I realized both truths and limitations in it.

Joseph Fort Newton states, “People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.” The fear of not being enough, the fear of doubting ones own substantial existence on this earth, the fear of feeling that the universe itself is not safe and we must guard and protect ourselves from those who would take from us, or from those who want to hurt us - are all reasons why we build walls around ourselves.

We fear the interactions of others due to our own feelings of inadequacy in intellectual discourse, in personal confidence and strength, or in our appearance. As we look closer at these fears, it is realized that the root of all these is simply fear of rejection. Human beings fear rejection above all. It is at the root of so many dilemmas that we deal with both as individuals and as nations.

Yet, as I think of people who reach outside of themselves, I realize that this cynical viewpoint is certainly only one view point- real to many, but not to all.

I’ve written in previous articles on this blog that Fraule, the elderly lady that used to visit us in the orphanage, reached out to my brother and I. The young couple who lived upstairs and who took the place of Fraule once she passed away also reached out to us. Simone, the young social worker who embraced us with such warmth and sincerity, reached out to us children in the orphanage as well. The many wonderful people who gave to a woman who deceived many into believing that she had cancer for two years and was on her “death-bed” for the past six-months - they all reached out to her.

These are all people who gave to someone outside of their own circle. They allowed themselves to build bridges in order to touch another life. The effects are far reaching! Each of us can think of people who will, time and again, display their own convictions that in this world, it is a risk to reach out in love, but it is a risk worth taking.

I can’t help but think of the men and women who are willing to give their very lives to protect and save other human lives - even though the reward is often small or ignored. I can’t help but think when catastrophe takes place, men and women who normally live quiet and unassuming lives step forth and take an active role to give and heal in whatever way they can. I can’t help but notice that most people have a good heart and are willing to give when there is a call to do so.

I am a dreamer! I dream and wish for a day when all men and women lay aside their own own fears. I dream and wish that they would find new freedom of expression and joy. I dream and wish that the fear of rejection will be exposed once and for all, and people everywhere will realize that “There is nothing to fear but fear itself.”(FDR) For how, I ask, can the One who is Whole reject one who is already accepted and created whole? I dream and wish for greater awareness that the presence of each one individual is part of the synchronicity of this universe, and they were meant to be an important part of our universe. I dream and wish that there will be no more loneliness in the hearts of men because love has dispelled this falsity.

I dream and wish for a day that more God Awareness leads to more Self Awareness. Then, the door will open to expand and do what seemed to be unattainable before. This potential lies in our path if only we would dare to lay aside fear and doubt and take hold of divine love - the love that makes all things possible. This love is able to tear the veil of a limited and confined way of thinking, and into the realm of endless creativity, ingenuity, and sacrifice for one another.

All loneliness is dispelled when there is a reason to be. The reasons, my friends, are too numerous to count.

Oh God, “I believe, help thou my unbelief.”