Spiritual Things Matter

The art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging to a particular mood of happiness, but in allowing happiness to change its form without being disappointed by the change; for happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up. ~Charles Langbridge Morgan

From early on, we have certain ideals about the way we think our life should be. During our “terrible twos,” temper tantrums were expressed when things did not go our way. When we became teenagers, we experienced great growing pangs as we entered into early adulthood. Then, as adults, we find ourselves at times in precarious situations because we often are determined to hold tightly to our ideals which can turn into great stumbling blocks.

I have to re-learn this lesson again and again as I have chosen my own ideals. I try to teach my children to have dreams and goals that they would like to work towards. I try to teach them to look at the bright side of life, to see the glass half full instead of half empty. Yet, I am also keenly aware that my own ideals have at times been a stumbling block for me.

In my life, I have noticed that when my ideals serve me well, my life seems to be in harmony. It seems to carry with it an energy and creativity that molds and shapes these ideals into a realistic and workable goal. Mutual giving and receiving seems to take place in relationships that one comes in contact with. It is accompanied with a feeling of well being, acceptance and joy, as well as a sense of gratitude.

During those times when my ideals, no matter how noble they are, work against me, it often follows with a great amount of confusion and disappointment. When these ideals are not met, no matter how hard one reaches for them, they can cause self-doubt and fear. These ideals become heavy stones around my neck when I stubbornly keep carrying this unnecessary weight, which has long become a heavy burden. Not surprisingly, it creates a stooped emotional posture, and looking up to see the world as it really is becomes a difficult task.

I have noticed this tendency in parenting my children. My ideals for the way my children should turn out may not match with the design they were created to be. If I hold to my rigid ideals and unrealistic goals, it may very well become a source of pain to them, thus having the complete opposite affect of what my original and good intentions were.

We humans tend to cling to all kinds of things. We cling to jobs, money, and material gain. We tend to cling to other people, and their approval and recognition. We tend to hold on to our pains and perceived lacks. I have seen far too many good people turn to some sort of addiction in order to cope with the loss and disappointments of ideals that did not serve them well. Their inward battle creates this painful cycle of addiction, and it often steals so many years from their lives. It steals their dignity, and it keeps them from growing inwardly, and out of that pain. It does not have to be that way.

I say this often in my writings because I am deeply convinced of its truth. It takes continual self-examination and self-honesty to recognize even the most subtle clinging to old patterns. I am convinced that so many of our problems can be healed, as well as solved, if we would only take the time to look inward and be completely honest with ourselves. There is no need for harshness and judgment, for that is also futile. Only a willingness, accompanied with great understanding and gentleness, is necessary to turn our concerns, no matter how small they are, over to the great Deity that created us. This can bring about a blossoming and healing in our lives as we experience the maturation process and spiritual growth that will finally enable us to open our hands and let go.

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. ~Lao Tzu

Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom; mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.
~Lao Tzu

I read a wonderful essay that Dr. Sanity wrote which gave me so much to think about. If you like, you can read it in its entirety. She speaks of the defense mechanism strategies that we humans use in order to protect ourselves and then she says the following:

“The most psychologically healthy of these strategies are those that allow us to transform primitive instinctual energy of even the most destructive emotions into works of art or entertainment that give pleasure to others (sublimation and humor); or behavior that is socially beneficial (altruism, anticipation, suppression). People who achieve optimal psychological health are those who have come to satisfactory terms with their neurobiology. They are people who have learned to accept their anger, rage and other potentially deadly emotions and, instead of destructively acting out, repressing, denying or projecting; have creatively expressed those feelings in a way that improves life both for themselves and for others.”

In my younger years, I used to be so embarrassed when feelings of anger and even rage would rise up from within. I would try to hide the anger and suppress it as long as possible and only on very few occasions did someone close enough to me even gain a glimpse into the frustration that I often felt. I remember once, when studying at a school of ministry and also employed at the same place, the pastor once asked me very calmly and lovingly, “Viola, who are you mad at?” My reply was, “I’m not mad at anyone.” In fact, I did not, at the time, really fully understand just how angry I really was. I did not even understand why he was asking me that question since I was going about doing my usual work.

Because I grew up without parents and without my siblings, I, not only had to learn to “parent” myself in many situations, but I also had become accustomed to simply handling whatever came along and burying much of the fear and insecurities that I was feeling. Too much of the time, I was an island unto myself and would not talk through things with anyone. After I gained my independence and began to established a life of my own, I found myself weeping quite a bit. I could not understand where so many tears could come from and I took note that it was from such a deep place in me.

It was only with added years that I have learned to understand myself better. When I would gain a glimpse into my own heart, I would simply cry out to God to heal me and to help me. I would turn my anger over to Him, each and every time it arose, and I would be honest enough to recognize it for what it was. I started to give myself much more room to allow emotions to come to the top and than examine them as honestly as I could with the understanding that I had at the time. That was not always easy as I also had to work through embarrassment and the tendency to simply hide. As Dr. Sanity so aptly described, however, I came to a place in my life where I could accept my anger and my rage and allow the transformative power that lay in my own heart to change me. Often, it seemed that the changes were so minute, but with time, with much time, I realized that I was on my way to becoming a whole person.

It is good to know that it is just fine to be angry and to be even full of rage. It is equally good to know and extremely freeing, that this energy can be turned to one’s own benefit. The benefit of healing and of creatively allowing it to tunnel though oneself, emerging into understanding, kindness and compassion for oneself as well as for others…instead of destruction and hate. With the help of God, this wholeness can and will be a reality by continually, day in and day out, having the desire to be honest with Him and with oneself.

Growth requires self-examination. Growth requires self-honesty. Growth requires the willingness to be humble and to take responsibility for our own life, our own happiness, and our own peace of mind. Most importantly, growth requires repentance, which simply is a change of mind, a change of attitude. In short, it is a position of humility that is consciously and willingly taken up for a higher purpose and a higher goal.

This is extremely powerful and transformative! For many, it will be the start of a much happier and more creative life.

Never fear to look into the eyes of your own anger. Beneath this anger you will find some measure of brokenness and fear. This brokenness and fear can be healed with love. This love has been freely provided for.  Not for some…but for all.  Embrace it through self-love that you may be healed and be made whole.