Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom; mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.
~Lao Tzu
I read a wonderful essay that Dr. Sanity wrote which gave me so much to think about. If you like, you can read it in its entirety. She speaks of the defense mechanism strategies that we humans use in order to protect ourselves and then she says the following:
“The most psychologically healthy of these strategies are those that allow us to transform primitive instinctual energy of even the most destructive emotions into works of art or entertainment that give pleasure to others (sublimation and humor); or behavior that is socially beneficial (altruism, anticipation, suppression). People who achieve optimal psychological health are those who have come to satisfactory terms with their neurobiology. They are people who have learned to accept their anger, rage and other potentially deadly emotions and, instead of destructively acting out, repressing, denying or projecting; have creatively expressed those feelings in a way that improves life both for themselves and for others.”
In my younger years, I used to be so embarrassed when feelings of anger and even rage would rise up from within. I would try to hide the anger and suppress it as long as possible and only on very few occasions did someone close enough to me even gain a glimpse into the frustration that I often felt. I remember once, when studying at a school of ministry and also employed at the same place, the pastor once asked me very calmly and lovingly, “Viola, who are you mad at?” My reply was, “I’m not mad at anyone.” In fact, I did not, at the time, really fully understand just how angry I really was. I did not even understand why he was asking me that question since I was going about doing my usual work.
Because I grew up without parents and without my siblings, I, not only had to learn to “parent” myself in many situations, but I also had become accustomed to simply handling whatever came along and burying much of the fear and insecurities that I was feeling. Too much of the time, I was an island unto myself and would not talk through things with anyone. After I gained my independence and began to established a life of my own, I found myself weeping quite a bit. I could not understand where so many tears could come from and I took note that it was from such a deep place in me.
It was only with added years that I have learned to understand myself better. When I would gain a glimpse into my own heart, I would simply cry out to God to heal me and to help me. I would turn my anger over to Him, each and every time it arose, and I would be honest enough to recognize it for what it was. I started to give myself much more room to allow emotions to come to the top and than examine them as honestly as I could with the understanding that I had at the time. That was not always easy as I also had to work through embarrassment and the tendency to simply hide. As Dr. Sanity so aptly described, however, I came to a place in my life where I could accept my anger and my rage and allow the transformative power that lay in my own heart to change me. Often, it seemed that the changes were so minute, but with time, with much time, I realized that I was on my way to becoming a whole person.
It is good to know that it is just fine to be angry and to be even full of rage. It is equally good to know and extremely freeing, that this energy can be turned to one’s own benefit. The benefit of healing and of creatively allowing it to tunnel though oneself, emerging into understanding, kindness and compassion for oneself as well as for others…instead of destruction and hate. With the help of God, this wholeness can and will be a reality by continually, day in and day out, having the desire to be honest with Him and with oneself.
Growth requires self-examination. Growth requires self-honesty. Growth requires the willingness to be humble and to take responsibility for our own life, our own happiness, and our own peace of mind. Most importantly, growth requires repentance, which simply is a change of mind, a change of attitude. In short, it is a position of humility that is consciously and willingly taken up for a higher purpose and a higher goal.
This is extremely powerful and transformative! For many, it will be the start of a much happier and more creative life.
Never fear to look into the eyes of your own anger. Beneath this anger you will find some measure of brokenness and fear. This brokenness and fear can be healed with love. This love has been freely provided for. Not for some…but for all. Embrace it through self-love that you may be healed and be made whole.
