Spiritual Things Matter

Study the heart and the mind of man, and begin with your own. Meditation and reflection must lay the foundation of that knowledge, but experience and practice must, and alone can, complete it. ~Lord Chesterfield

The older I become, the more I realize what is meant when I hear people say that youth is wasted on the young.  So much energy is put into finding ones way in life, creating careers by polishing ourselves through a good education, or specializing in some deed, and than promoting ourselves at every turn.  Although it is very necessary for all these steps to be taken to live a relatively happy and successful life, especially for young people, necessary indeed to have goals in life and pursue them with vigor and relative success,  I can’t help but wonder, how much true self-understanding is developed during this process.  Perhaps it is an unfolding of knowledge into wisdom by those who go past this stage, by those who choose to seek greater meaning and real honesty for their existence.  Chronological age has little to do with this decision.

Some who have been tremendously successful in their careers and have gained unprecedented financial freedom have also given us some honest insight into their lives.  While they have found rewards in the material world, they often find themselves lacking joy and happiness,  or, even lacking a true connection to who they really are.  That is a tragic way to live.  Yet, it is certainly not impossible to change no matter what their age or where they are at in life.  That is the beauty of being human.  We can change our minds about ourselves and our lives as many times as we see fit.

Any kind of discovery takes a lot of work.  Discovering your own profession, be it as a laborer, a healer, an architect, a scientist, an artist, an actor, or an educator, takes a lot of work through pursuing the skills and education needed to make that dream come true.  No less important, and perhaps even more so,  is the pursuance of understanding oneself and ones own existence.

I love what St. Augustine once said:

“People travel to wonder at the heights of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars; and then pass by themselves without wondering.”

We have been given a gift:  Ourselves!  This gift is worth exploring.  The possibilities of its discoveries holds no end.

Some might be tempted to call this journey of true self-discovery, narcissistic.  I can not disagree more.  It is the key to great thinkers and great human beings.  It is a journey not filled with self adulation’s but rather a deeper look into oneself; a look of honesty and true introspection. It is a journey of true humility.

On this path of discovery, it becomes clear that human beings are multifaceted and immensely complicated.  Within each of us resides a vast amount of light – the potential to create good and love in this world, and at the same time, within each of us lies unlimited amount of darkness – that which causes humans to inflict pain, hate, and destruction on each other and on this world. It takes enormous courage to want to discover oneself to its fullest.  It takes vast amount of strength and bravery to look  into the darkest corners of our hearts and minds, without trying to cover up or hide.   Through looking at the darkest parts of who we are we can make a choice to change, or not.   I have the highest regards for those who see themselves as they are.  Moving along in life they find ways to harness and change that dark part of themselves into something good; something that is supportive of who they are and want to be; something that is life giving and not destructive.

When one embraces faith as part of their journey, they will come to believe that the light, the good in them, the ability to create and built instead  of destroying, is greater in them than the darkness that wants to display itself in and through us.  Conscientiously a choice is made which way to project ourselves into the world.  The choice is always deeply personal and always our own.  Always, our own!

Bruce Lee once said that, “All fixed set patterns are incapable of adaptability or pliability.  The truth is outside of all fixed patterns.” This is not only true in the martial arts but also true about the human spirit, soul, and character.  Anyone, who wishes to grow and change,  no matter how young or old they are, can do so by being open minded, flexible, and most of all deeply honest with themselves.   It is the truth of ourselves to ourselves that will set us free from self imposed prisons and torments of restricted believe systems and ill managed relationships.

Knowing your own strength comes with the discovery of who you are.  Truly knowing yourself gives you the perspective you need to learn from your mistakes as well as your successes.   Being yourself allows you to grow and explore;  through understanding yourself comes a greater understanding of the potential that lies within.  I  believe this kind of life lends itself to truer happiness and much greater satisfaction.

It is never too late to become what you might have been.  ~George Eliot

Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom; mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.
~Lao Tzu

I read a wonderful essay that Dr. Sanity wrote which gave me so much to think about. If you would like, you can read it in its entirety. She speaks of the defense strategies that we humans use in order to protect ourselves from each other.  She says:

“The most psychologically healthy of these strategies are those that allow us to transform primitive instinctual energy of even the most destructive emotions into works of art or entertainment that give pleasure to others (sublimation and humor); or behavior that is socially beneficial (altruism, anticipation, suppression). People who achieve optimal psychological health are those who have come to satisfactory terms with their neurobiology. They are people who have learned to accept their anger, rage and other potentially deadly emotions and, instead of destructively acting out, repressing, denying or projecting; have creatively expressed those feelings in a way that improves life both for themselves and for others.”

In my younger years, I used to be so embarrassed when feelings of anger or rage would rise up from within. I would try to hide the anger and suppress it as long as possible;  only on very few occasions did someone close enough to me even gain a glimpse into the frustration that I often felt. I remember once, when studying at a school of ministry where I also worked, that the pastor once asked me very calmly and lovingly, “Viola, whom are you mad at?”

My reply was, “I’m not mad at anyone.”   In fact, at the time, I did not really fully understand just how angry I was. I did not even understand why he was asking me that question because I was simply going about my usual work.

Because I grew up without parents and without my siblings, I, not only had to learn to parent myself in many situations but I also had to simply handle whatever came along and bury much of the fear and insecurities that I was feeling. Too much of the time, I was an island unto myself and would not talk through things with anyone. After I gained my independence and began to established a life of my own, I found myself weeping quite a bit. I could not understand where so many tears could come from.  Eventually, though, I realized that the tears came from a deeper place within me.

Only with added years have I learned to understand myself better. When I would gain a glimpse into my own heart, I would simply cry out to God to heal me and to help me. I would turn my anger over to Him each and every time it arose, and I would be honest enough to recognize it for what it was. I started to give myself much more room to allow emotions to come to the top and then to examine them as honestly as I could with the understanding that I had at the time. That was not always easy, for I also had to work through embarrassment and the tendency to simply hide. As Dr. Sanity so aptly described, however, I came to a place in my life where I could accept my anger and my rage and allow the transformative power that lay in my own heart to change me. Often, it seemed that the changes were so minute, but with time, with much time – I realized that I was on my way to becoming a whole person, which truly is a life long process.

It is good to know that it is just fine to be angry and to be even full of rage. It is also extremely freeing to know that this energy can be turned to one’s own benefit. This process involves healing and creatively  allowing it to tunnel though oneself, emerging into understanding, kindness and compassion for oneself as well as for others.  With the help of a greater energy, this wholeness can and will be a reality if one continually, day in and day out, has the desire to be completely honest with oneself and realize that our life here on earth is a learning process.  We are all deeply wounded and we all are in need to be healed.

Growth requires self-examination. Growth requires self-honesty. Growth requires the willingness to be humble and to take responsibility for one’s life, one’s happiness, and one’s peace of mind. Most important, growth requires a willingness to change one’s mind, to change one’s attitude. In short, it is a position of humility that is consciously and willingly taken up for a higher purpose and a higher goal.

This is extremely powerful and transformative! For many, it will be the start of a much happier and more creative life.

Never fear to look into the eyes of your own anger. Beneath this anger you will find some measure of brokenness and fear. This brokenness and fear can be healed with a greater gentleness and love for yourself.   This Love has been freely provided for each member of the human community.   Embrace it!  Embrace yourself!  Embrace this Love through accepting yourself, just as you are, that you may find a creative way to be healed and to express yourself into a much happier and more purposeful life.

* Portions of this post have been previously published.

Photograph by: K. Alan Lewis

Show your wound with your own tenderness
Know that tossed decay will rot in dark seclusion.
Fear must no longer be the guest that hides within
Healing’s desire is gently knocking on your door.

Show your wound oh lovely soul
Not to me and not to them.
But show it now to your own kind beholding
That the light of love can mend its broken wings.

Your kindly benevolence toward your own humanity
Will bring a sudden transformation to that lacerated heart.
All are broken, deeply wounded, grieving in their beds
Oh may a kind beholding…come, and change all that.

~Viola M. Jaynes

Gratitude is born in hearts that take time to count up past mercies. ~Charles E. Jefferson

I love this quote because I find it so true.

Life presents us with many choices in so many areas of our lives. We often make just the right choice for our present circumstance, and often simply think of it as luck. Then, there are times when we make a wrong choice. We miss calculate and we make a mistake. We are then devastated, and it tears away at us because we are at a loss of how to make right what has gone so wrong. Sometimes, despite our intense efforts, there simply is no answer at our disposal, and we must go on and do the best we can hoping to never repeat such a mistake again.

Such an experience can break us inwardly until we learn to gentle ourselves…toward ourselves, and realize that our humanness brings us so many hidden gifts. A profound breaking can often be the most profound gift for our hungry and longing heart.

Pain often drives us to want to look inward with a much more honest look. There, we begin to discover a deeper well within us.   Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote,  “In ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich.”

An inward look of honesty brings a heart of gratitude because we begin to realize a deeper meaning and purpose to our life.  We realize indeed that we want to change, that we want to grow, that we want to mature out of our childish ways into mature men and women.  We are thankful that the generosity of life places people into our lives that love us and accept us simply for who we are.

It is very sad when you meet a person who has never been able to allow the breaking of life to gentle them.  No time seems to be given to look at ones inward landscape with an honest eye and without fear, but rather they choose to project blame, criticism, and anger towards others which only serves to intensify their own anger as their ego of victim-hood goes on a rampage. Their minds become cloudy and diseased, having forgotten how to be truly thankful and grateful for the life that they have been given, and for the people that have been placed in their lives.  I wish for those people an awareness of a more gentle and more forgiving nature so that they may be able to find peace for themselves once more.

This Thanksgiving, I am deeply grateful for many things. Daily, I am reminded of how blessed I am to have my family.  Daily, I recognize that people are sent into our lives for reasons, and I feel profoundly thankful for each and every one of them.  Most of all, I am thankful for the grace that helps us to look inward, and to allow our thankful hearts to be transformed into a life of gratitude.

Wishing each of my dear readers a Happy and safe Thanksgiving!

Tags: Gratitude, Humanity, Thankfulness, Thanksgiving