March 30th 2008

Finding Truth

I look within my own heart once more
Wondering, Am I all that I can be?
I look within to find the answers
To elusive questions tucked away silently.

Deeper, yet, I dare to look
Knowing the answers are there to be found.
I long to know the truth in full
Plowing through fears of rejections and doubts.

All too often, masking is easier
No one will discover the pain, you see.
Even a temporary cloak leaves us behind
Losing our truth and our identity.

Hardening our hearts will keep us from feeling
The beauty and love, the pain and the fears.
Becoming someone we are not is safer
No one can hurt us - comforting with timidity.

The truth! The truth! I long for it!
Where is it to be found?
Within my own heart, I am certain of that.
Do I dare listen? Yes, it is safe and it is sound.

Be not afraid, oh heart of mine.
Life is full of mysteries so profound.
Be not afraid to feel and to love
For deeper wells are yet, to be found.

~Viola M. Jaynes
March 2008

February 23rd 2008

Creative Expressions

Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom; mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.
~
Lao Tzu

I read a wonderful essay that Dr. Sanity wrote which gave me so much to think about. If you like, you can read it in its entirety. She speaks of the defense mechanism strategies that we humans use in order to protect ourselves and then she says the following:

“The most psychologically healthy of these strategies are those that allow us to transform primitive instinctual energy of even the most destructive emotions into works of art or entertainment that give pleasure to others (sublimation and humor); or behavior that is socially beneficial (altruism, anticipation, suppression). People who achieve optimal psychological health are those who have come to satisfactory terms with their neurobiology. They are people who have learned to accept their anger, rage and other potentially deadly emotions and, instead of destructively acting out, repressing, denying or projecting; have creatively expressed those feelings in a way that improves life both for themselves and for others.”

In my younger years, I used to be so embarrassed when feelings of anger and even rage would rise up from within. I would try to hide the anger and suppress it as long as possible and only on very few occasions did someone close enough to me even gain a glimpse into the frustration that I often felt. I remember once, when studying at a school of ministry and also employed at the same place, the pastor once asked me very calmly and lovingly, “Viola, who are you mad at?” My reply was, “I’m not mad at anyone.” In fact, I did not, at the time, really fully understand just how angry I really was. I did not even understand why he was asking me that question since I was going about doing my usual work.

Because I grew up without parents and without my siblings, I, not only had to learn to “parent” myself in many situations, but I also had become accustomed to simply handling whatever came along and burying much of the fear and insecurities that I was feeling. Too much of the time, I was an island unto myself and would not talk through things with anyone. After I gained my independence and began to established a life of my own, I found myself weeping quite a bit. I could not understand where so many tears could come from and I took note that it was from such a deep place in me.

It was only with added years that I have learned to understand myself better. When I would gain a glimpse into my own heart, I would simply cry out to God to heal me and to help me. I would turn my anger over to Him, each and every time it arose, and I would be honest enough to recognize it for what it was. I started to give myself much more room to allow emotions to come to the top and than examine them as honestly as I could with the understanding that I had at the time. That was not always easy as I also had to work through embarrassment and the tendency to simply hide. As Dr. Sanity so aptly described, however, I came to a place in my life where I could accept my anger and my rage and allow the transformative power that lay in my own heart to change me. Often, it seemed that the changes were so minute, but with time, with much time, I realized that I was on my way to becoming a whole person.

It is good to know that it is just fine to be angry and to be even full of rage. It is equally good to know and extremely freeing, that this energy can be turned to one’s own benefit. The benefit of healing and of creatively allowing it to tunnel though oneself, emerging into understanding, kindness and compassion for oneself as well as for others…instead of destruction and hate. With the help of God, this wholeness can and will be a reality by continually, day in and day out, having the desire to be honest with Him and with oneself.

Growth requires self-examination. Growth requires self-honesty. Growth requires the willingness to be humble and to take responsibility for our own life, our own happiness, and our own peace of mind. Most importantly, growth requires repentance, which simply is a change of mind, a change of attitude. In short, it is a position of humility that is consciously and willingly taken up for a higher purpose and a higher goal.

This is extremely powerful and transformative! For many, it will be the start of a much happier and more creative life.

Never fear to look into the eyes of your own anger. Beneath this anger you will find some measure of brokenness and fear. This brokenness and fear can be healed with love. This love has been freely provided for.  Not for some…but for all.  Embrace it through self-love that you may be healed and be made whole.

December 6th 2007

Know Thyself

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
~William Shakespeare

Socrates knew that self-honesty seems to be one of the most important keys for human growth when he said, “Know Thyself.” I think about this subject often because I also desire a greater awareness to understand myself and to understand my fellow man.

“The admonition Know yourself was carved on the temple portal at Delphi, as testimony to a basic truth to be adopted as a minimal norm by those who seek to set themselves apart from the rest of creation as human beings, that is as those who know themselves“~ John Paul II. It is not an easy path when one first decides to live such a life, but one finds that the more one is committed to that principle, the easier and more enjoyable life seems to become. It is “easier,” because when practiced often, the pain and embarrassment to look within ourselves seems to diminish. It is “enjoyable,” because there is a certain amount of humor in being human. I am certain that each of us have found ourselves in embarrassing situations, and had a chuckle afterwards about our predicament.

Self-honesty, I believe, is a deeply spiritual principle. Spirituality is birthed forth in people who are not afraid to change and who are not timid in being authentic with everything and everyone in their lives. It is birthed from a desire to be, as one is, in the truest and finest form, energized by love with spiritual potential that is endless. I can not help but think about Christ Himself in the Garden of Gethsemane when he asked His Father if this cup could pass from Him, but because He had the insight of the much greater potential and purpose that was within Him, He quickly added, “Not my will, but Thine be done.”

On such a path of self examination and self-honesty, one begins to worry far less about what others think of them. They are far more focused on the condition of their own heart and their own motives. This path increases our joy as greater peace brings a heightened awareness that so much of the time spend on worries are truly wasted moments. Unlike love, prayer, devotion, kindness, and having good will towards all, worry is a weak energizer and does not possess the capability to bring lasting and positive changes into our lives.

Self-honesty has an interesting component to it in that it seems to be enlarging. Somehow, one will begin to look at things from a much broader perspective. Thus, in almost every part of one’s life - spiritually, emotionally, educationally, financially and even physically, one grows and one heals. Life becomes more simple, and so much falls by the way-side as the important from the unimportant is discerned. There simply is no end to the potential that self-honesty can bring into ones life.

William Shakespeare said it beautifully when he speaks of being true to oneself and our relationship with others: “Thou canst not be false to any man.” When we truly begin to be honest with ourselves, looking into the deepest corners of our hearts, and learn to deal kindly with ourselves, we begin to have greater compassion and kindness for others as well. It is a beautiful by-product of grace and love that extends itself outward to others. Thus, honest relationships are always the best because one does not have to be afraid and hide any longer but is free to be who they are. It is a liberating experience to find such freedom!

The “human condition” itself has great limitations. It is truly only through a spiritually energized life that grace is given to go beyond the limitations of being earth-bound… touching heavenly realms that bring deep meaning and comfort to life as one discovers the true Self within.

Know Thyself…and be at peace!

November 18th 2007

A Meaningful Life

A personal life deeply lived always expands into truth beyond itself.~Arais Nin

Saying “yes” to Life and to all its varieties, its colors and dimensions, makes for an adventure that can never be adequately captured in any other form of expression. Whether on a canvas, on an instrument, or in a song, life can never be fully portrayed in any medium known to man because its vastness is just too great.

As hard as our film industry tries to convey the essence and emotions of life, the best they can ever hope to do is to capture their audience for only a short few hours. A lovely ballet performance can heighten our awareness of the beauty of the human life with all its possibilities to express itself, and yet, when the curtain falls, we are once again left with realizing our great limitations. A “once in a life-time” exquisite musical performance or a stunning work of art can take us into higher realms that would be inadequate to explain in mere words alone. But, at the end of such an encounter, we realize that our lives are just exactly like what we have just experienced. We soar to great heights where we gather the strength and energy for life, and then we plummet to great depths where we use every ounce of that strength that we have gathered. Thus, our life story is written with great drama, and very often that drama is created solely by us.

Life . . . what an experience it is!

I know of no one who could not put their personal life story into some form of written narrative, or a work of romantic poetry. I know of no one who has not experienced their emotions at its finest, with feelings of love and joy and happiness that can not be adequately explained. Yet, within this same life, emotions have been felt and lived at their lowest point as struggles ensue through the darkest of days trying to rise above the often angry and pitiful beast within. Our philosophers and poets have tried for eons, again and again, to convey life’s diverse patchwork of love and tears, of dreams and hopes, and of courage and fear. Often we will begin to weep when we hear meaningful words or a piece of music that is so fine that it resonates deep within us. It is then that we realize the commonality of humanity, and indeed of all life itself.

A life best lived is to let honesty be its closest kin. Music, beauty, art and great literary works, as well as other aesthetic influences, soften the heart. It is in those heightened and receptive moments that the opportunity arises to be in touch with who one really is. Nothing seems to liberate a person more than the ability to be honest with oneself, and most importantly one’s God. This liberation is accompanied by a greater ease and freedom for one’s life. Along with this freedom, we will soon find that our interactions with our fellow man become less strained and much more loving and kind as there is simply nothing more left to hide. Life and self-honesty will open the door to greater possibilities as spiritual truth begins to present itself. As Socrates said so beautifully, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” We will then stand in awe of our spiritual potential as we begin to discern the changes and growth within. The realization dawns on us that the breath of life that created all living things is the same breath of life that beautifies the heart. The beauty of life within then becomes the beauty of life without as we begin to see all things differently.

Life . . . what a gift it is! It is indeed, a valuable gift to be cherished.

Oh to Thee, my great Creator,
I surrender my heart.
Oh to Thee, my great Lord,
I surrender all that I am.
Oh to Thee, my great God
I surrender life itself!

Your Beauty alone shines forth
as Your Light illuminates.
Your Love brings peace
All life surrenders to Thee.

Viola M. Jaynes