Hope! There Is Always Hope!
The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering. ~Ben Okri
For a number of weeks now, I have been thinking about the meaning of life and of those who choose to end their life prematurely. A blogger friend, Kal, whom I read regularly, wrote a brief post on a young woman who has decided to do just that. Her sad decision has caused me, once again, to reflect on life’s meaning, a life which has been given to us with so many possibilities and yet, can be so incredibly fragile.
I have thought about this young woman often since I read Kal’s post and even though I had never met her, one can not help but feel strong emotions for her loss and to the inevitable sufferings of her family and friends, who will ascribe blame on themselves in some form. Blame, however, is a hard taskmaster, for it will also slowly kill those who have willingly taken on such a yoke.
Many years ago, I too brushed shoulders with the thought of simply giving up on life. It felt as though I had fallen into a deep, dark hole, and the walls where closing in on me. The harder I tried to climb out of this dark hole, the more I slipped and spiraled even deeper down. It was very scary. I became withdrawn- even more so than usual, and felt that no one was able to help me or even to understand. The small signs that I gave for someone to realize I was in a very dangerous place were not recognized. I felt ashamed and embarrassed that I was seemingly unable to help myself.
One night, when even the smallest amount of hope became impossible to hold on to and the darkness within my own mind became even darker, I knelt next to my bed and began to talk to God as I had so often done. At that moment the flood-gates opened and I began to cry very hard. After a time, calmness came over me; and then all at once, my thinking cleared as I remembered the many hard times in the past with which I have had to deal with and how I had always managed to find a way to rise above them. I thought about the many lonely days that I had already experienced yet was able to keep on going. I realized that the situations that I was facing were difficult, but not beyond some hope and some explanation.
I knew then that I needed to see my physician right away.
As I sat in the doctor’s office the next day, I explained only that I had been feeling very down and that I felt like there might possibly be something causing this depression. The doctor ran some tests and very quickly found out that I had fallen into a menopausal state due to a birth control shot I was given every three months, and which I had already been taken over a year. This medication had brought about my intense depression and the circumstances at the time were triggers of my suicidal despair. After I discontinued the birth control injections, I never used any form of birth control again. It was a frightening time, and when I think about just how close I came to ending my life, I realize just how fragile life can be. The experience made me much more aware of how so many people can cover their true feelings because of fear of embarrassment, judgment, rejection, criticism and a host of other reasons.
No matter what school of thought one takes on suicide, rest assured telling a suicidal person how angry and selfish suicidal thoughts are does no good and is certainly not helpful. A person in this state of mind does not function within a normal mental capacity because in some form or fashion, his or her brain chemistry has been altered. Anyone in this state of mind needs genuine, prompt and loving help. Harsh and judgmental words can bring even more harm to the already emotionally weakened and challenged individual. It pays for all of us to simply work on ourselves to become kinder and more loving human beings. One never knows when even just a smile and a kind word could turn things around for someone.
I am very that I continued to live. Life had so much more in store for me that I could not possibly foresee while living in that dark tunnel of lost hope. I have been given two marvelous children that bring so much joy and laughter to my heart. I have been given the ability to love deeply and to cherish the simple and small things in life. Through a relationship with God, I have witnessed and experienced how broken relationships can heal and transform beyond expectations. I have also come to understand that those who seem to be in the darkest place in their lives, can experience the love of God most profoundly as they realize that their own strength simply is not sufficient enough. That is the beginning of a spiritual journey, which is not always easy, but it will be the most profound adventure a human being can undertake on this earth. It is beyond anything else one could imagine and beyond anything this world could possibly offer. I believe that it is for this reason that we are placed on this earth.
I love what Siggy had to say: “No one can see with an eye that is Divine. We see events in a linear fashion, framed by a time line that is uniquely our own and that encompasses only what we are capable of seeing and comprehending. God sees it all, the past, present and future.” ~Sigmund, Carl and Alfred
I would like to very gently ask you to quiet your weary mind and to reach deep within yourself, finding a moment of clarity that will bring help and healing your way. There is so much more to live for that you are not able to see right now. There is so much more to experience, so much more to love and so many more tender moments to cherish. Hope, true Hope makes life possible again! This truth lies within you, my friend….it lies within you!
Listen to the Exhortation of the Dawn!
Look to this Day!
For it is Life, the very Life of Life.
In its brief course lie all the
Verities and Realities of your Existence.
The Bliss of Growth,
The Glory of Action,
The Splendor of Beauty;
For Yesterday is but a Dream,
And To-morrow is only a Vision;
But To-day well lived makes
Every Yesterday a Dream of Happiness,
And every Tomorrow a Vision of Hope.
Look well therefore to this Day!
Such is the Salutation of the Dawn! ~Kalidasa
