Spiritual Things Matter

While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil. ~ John Taylor

Yesterday, we had a death in our family. It was something that happened so fast that everyone is still in a state of shock and bewilderment. It is one of those events where people are wondering about the fairness of life. The sorrow and pain is felt deeply.

My husband’s aunt, a lovely lady, re-married a year ago to a man she had attended high school with, but didn’t know him well until she attended a more recent high school reunion. She was previously married and had two children in this marriage who adore her, but had been divorced for a long time. She worked herself through college and had become a teacher of Texas History and Special Education over the years in a local public school. She is wonderful with young people and has loved her job. At the end of this school year, she was looking forward to retirement with her new bridegroom having planned and dreamed to spend their remaining wonderful years together.

Her new husband had lost his wife about four years ago to cancer. They had three daughters together between 18 – 24 years of age. The family was very close, their marriage was strong, and the children flourished. The loss of their mother was very hard on them. Other family members, friends, and neighbors stepped in to help. They had also lost their grandmother last year, with whom they were all very close.

I remember the first time my husband’s aunt called me and told me that she had found this wonderful man. I could tell in her voice how happy she was, and I was so thrilled for her because I knew that she had not had an easy life. There is something so profoundly comforting when you meet someone that loves you and understands you for who and what you are. A man with whom you can share your life with.

Last month in April, the health problems began. Evidently, he had an abnormal heart beat for a long time, but it had never caused serious problems. Over the last Christmas vacation, the entire family went skiing, and I was told he had some problems getting his breath. Beginning in April, he was in an out of the hospital for testing. It began to look more serious than what anyone had expected. This past week, he had a “code blue” four times. Finally, the doctor and nurse began to cry as they could not bring him back during the last code blue. They felt so helpless because his heart simply wanted to stop.

Entering into the ICU unit, I found family and friends holding each other and crying. His three daughters were in a state of shock, and my husband’s aunt and children were wounded and broken by the death of her new husband. What I heard the loudest was how wonderful it was that those two had found each other, and “how was it possible that life could bring such a sudden death.” They were in the process of building a new home together and making plans for a wonderful retirement. It did not seem fair.

The other thing that was in the forefront of everyone’s mind was the three girls that were now left without their mother, father, and grandmother. How was it possible that these young girls would lose both their parents in a matter of four years? This also seemed so incredibly unbelievable and unfair.

As I looked at this man lying lifeless in that hospital bed, I realized just how large the spirit infills a human vessel. He seemed so frail and small without the spirit of life in him. I realized that the energy and life that makes us who we are on this earth is simply too great to be housed in a small body for too long. Our body is given as a gift to us to learn lessons in this lifetime, after which it is shed to once again return from where it came.

Embracing Death

Oh death, suddenly you come – but we fear you not.
You teach us awareness, each and every time.
You teach us humility and gratefulness.
Your presence brings new resolve into our lives -
to be kinder to all who have been entrusted to us.
To love even more deeply those who need us -
as well as those who want from us.

Oh death, you embrace us with a very cold chill -
leaving us to find warmth and comfort again.
You whisper realities into our ears that are not of this world -
that we might seek and seek,
and then finally find a deeper
and more secure place within ourselves.
Indeed, you are a part of the cycle of birth and dying -
of beginning and ending.
Yet, never the end to Light and Love -
for always it will continue on.

Let comfort come to those who are left behind.
Let light and hope illuminate the heart.
Let time bring its gentle healing kiss -
that tears may transform grief into laughter and joy again.
Let the beauty of life blossom
in each one who has loved him – whom you have taken.
Let them always remember him
and the joy and the love he so generously gave.

. . . Dedicated to the Memory of Barney Bolt . . .

Viola M. Jaynes
May 2008

The nourishment of rain brings new life – even to the heart. ~Viola Jaynes

As my windows are covered with droplets of rain, I look out to watch the drizzle gently fall. I open my door to listen to its beautiful sound. I sit on my step holding out my hands as I simply enjoy one of the most beautiful things that God has created. Rain!

When I was a child growing up in the orphanage, we would often go on walks. My most memorable walks were those on rainy days. There was something happy and frolicsome about jumping in the puddles. We would lift our heads to the sky and let the rain fall on our faces with our mouths open wide, as if to tell the heavens to pour out its sweetest drink it had to offer. I loved watching the bubbles rise in the puddles as each droplet made its own statement. I loved seeing the leaves wet and rich in color, as the rain rolled off, only to await its next drop.

I remember as the rain washed through my hair, the touch of it felt soft and kind. Strangely though, with all of its beauty, I would also feel sadness come over me. Once at home, I would feel the need to tug myself away – alone, to listen, as the rain still poured outside. I found myself longing for something and I wondered about the children who had mothers and fathers at home.

Rain is meaningful to me to this day. It seems to bring out a sense of melancholy, a time of reflection, and always a time to think about God.

Its tiny droplets remind me of tears that are shed in secret and of the many who feel they have noone with whom to share their sorrow. It reminds me that there are greater pains and greater sorrows in the world than my own. It reminds me that it falls on the just and the unjust alike, and thus, it teaches kindness and discernment. For it is a wise heart that realizes the vastness of the world out there, is also the vastness of the world in here.

When our lives feel thirsty and dry, it is the rain that comes to quench that thirst. At times it is clothed in pain and sorrow, and its mantle feels heavy on our shoulders. Still, the fresh water that is poured between each crack, and between each rocky place, flows deep into the rich, warm soil of our hearts. It then brings healing to our brokenness as our earth mends itself with the gift it has been given.

It is after such a rainy season that we take notice that something new and beautiful has been created – something we have never seen or noticed before. It is a gift that is held close to the heart and cherished forever.

Viola Jaynes

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being,
the more joy you can contain.
~Kahlil Gibran

Most all will be familiar with Kahlil Gibran’s writings. They are beautiful in their style, simple and yet so profound. He has influenced my thinking a great deal.

Joy and sorrow are part of the human condition. We all will experience both. We all have had times were our spirits have soared to its highest mountains, and it would seem we could hardly contain our joy and our happiness. Yet, inevitably, times come when we experience pain that seems so acute that we may feel we cannot bear one more moment of it.

I get very concerned when I see such a large number of our population going on anti-depressants these days. Once, when I was tempted to numb my own pain with a pill, a doctor friend of mine said this: “The anti-depressant may even out the moods, but you will not be able to feel the heights of the joys you experience, or the lows of the sadness and pain you may encounter.” I thought about that for a long time. I chose against going on anything.

I am forty-five years old, grew up in an orphanage, and have felt times of extreme loneliness and depression. Many difficult and challenging situations have come my way that I had to handle somehow. I’ve succeeded and I’ve failed! Yet, I know I am fully human! I have experienced each emotion that came with each circumstance, profoundly and intensely. Each person has their own story, their own experiences. I only tell of mine because that is what I can relate to the best. The breakings and the healings have made me search for spiritual truth more then anything else. It is the only thing that makes any real sense to me. Sorrow has created in me a heart to search out God, and a desire to love in greater measure. It continues to be a growing process but I have felt the possibilities of such a reality. I have seen it with the eye of my heart. The joy in those moments, when I am able to see God’s hand at work…even in the most minute details, is joy unspeakable. Those moments always bring profound meaning to all things – even to sorrow itself.

Please don’t misunderstand, I realize that some are advised by their doctors that they would benefit by being on anti-depressant for a time – possibly to help in time of dire need and depression. However, it should never be forgotten that to be a human being is to be full of emotions. Raw, expressive emotions that will allow us to live life to its fullest potential.

Joy and sorrow are one – they are inseparable. Let us have the courage to embrace both!

Viola Jaynes