Spiritual Things Matter

Photograph by: K. Alan Lewis

 
Genlty, I smile as I realize
The pangs of my pain
The wounds of my sufferings
Are transformed into
A tranquil river of love.

~Viola Jaynes

Loss pierces the heart – only to notice that the arrow landed in something new.  ~Viola M. Jaynes

To live is to experience loss. Loss can bring about intense pain and suffering and unless one receives clarity of the meaning of the loss itself, it can turn into depression and sometimes even physical illness.

I think back to the summer of 1976 when I was to make a new life here in the States. I was fearful of all the new things that would await me, yet thrilled to be learning a new language, being in a new culture and gaining the closeness and warmth of a family.

However, it was not very long before I realized that those illusions were simply that – illusions. The possibilities were not there because the family I had come into was deeply troubled. It was a time for me to become stronger, a time of finding something within myself that I could trust and on which I could rely. I missed my well-established routines in the orphanage and the consistency of the social workers being available, helping with homework, sitting down to our scheduled meals and having our scheduled bedtime. I realized that the foundation of my orphanage years were solid and they built something in me that would always be a part of my life. I have often been very thankful for those early and formative years.

I sometimes contemplate the meaning of those early years in this country. The deep disappointment that I felt of losing a dream. A dream that I had created in my own mind and heart to have a close and loving family. A dream of being welcomed and supported with each new effort that was made.

I contemplate and listen to the wisdom of my own heart:

The desire of family is the unity of a Greater Reality that my heart already knew. The dreams and hopes were possibilities, unending, that could and would still be realized. The courage to step out to start a new life, was the courage I would realize again as I commit myself to a spiritual path. My hopes and dreams for warmth have been realized, in measure, as I love and cherish my own children.

Losing something that we hold close and dear to our hearts is profoundly painful. Could it be realized though, that this loss really represents a new opportunity? This is a new chance to give birth to the wonderful and creative force within, to bring into existence the beauty, the ideal, the dream of our hearts. It is within our power to do so. It will bring clarity and a realization of the strength that dwells within each of us.  It will free us into greater heights of possibilities, and a much greater awareness of who we are.

Every person must work through many things in life. It is only through searching that we are able to find meaning and answers. Apathy and anger towards the things that have played out in our lives will only bring us greater pain. Blaming others will only lend itself to a victim mentality which can never bring about any growth or any real possibilities for spiritual ascension. The basic antidote to our brokenness is humility by turning one’s life completely over to something much greater than ourselves, and trusting in Him/Her for their wisdom and their foreknowledge. I am convinced that this energy of Love never falters and its kindness is always extended to us. This is the creative force, housed within each of us, that beautifies our lives and allows us to create our finest dreams. It is this Love in which I deeply place my devotion and my trust, for without it, life for me would be without any real meaning and without any real purpose whatsoever.

At the end of our journey, I believe, we will notice that during the most painful events of our lives, we also, simultanesouly, began to live life a little more thankful, a little kinder, and a little more gentle toward ourselves, as well as others around us.  It is precisely during those moments that a sudden leap was made into a search for true meaning, if we were willing, truly willing…to be honest with our selves.

To all those who have suffered loss, – be at peace!

Let us never forget to be kind to a hurting world. Let us never forget to reach out to others in tenderness and understanding. It is amazing the healing power kindness and love can bring to the human heart. It is transforming!

A secret friend sent me this poem by poet Darrel Kincaid. You can read it in its entirety here.

“Lesson learned is not to Love less,
With Love,
lesson is, to learn to Love Grander
With Gain.”
~Darrel Kincaid

Portions of this post have been previously published

The art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging to a particular mood of happiness, but in allowing happiness to change its form without being disappointed by the change; for happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up. ~Charles Langbridge Morgan

From early on, we have certain ideals about the way we think our life should be. During our “terrible twos,” temper tantrums were expressed when things did not go our way. When we became teenagers, we experienced great growing pangs as we entered into early adulthood. Then, as adults, we find ourselves at times in precarious situations because we often are determined to hold tightly to our ideals which can turn into great stumbling blocks.

I have to re-learn this lesson again and again as I have chosen my own ideals. I try to teach my children to have dreams and goals that they would like to work towards. I try to teach them to look at the bright side of life, to see the glass half full instead of half empty. Yet, I am also keenly aware that my own ideals have at times been a stumbling block for me.

In my life, I have noticed that when my ideals serve me well, my life seems to be in harmony. It seems to carry with it an energy and creativity that molds and shapes these ideals into a realistic and workable goal. Mutual giving and receiving seems to take place in relationships that one comes in contact with. It is accompanied with a feeling of well being, acceptance and joy, as well as a sense of gratitude.

During those times when my ideals, no matter how noble they are, work against me, it often follows with a great amount of confusion and disappointment. When these ideals are not met, no matter how hard one reaches for them, they can cause self-doubt and fear. These ideals become heavy stones around my neck when I stubbornly keep carrying this unnecessary weight, which has long become a heavy burden. Not surprisingly, it creates a stooped emotional posture, and looking up to see the world as it really is becomes a difficult task.

I have noticed this tendency in parenting my children. My ideals for the way my children should turn out may not match with the design they were created to be. If I hold to my rigid ideals and unrealistic goals, it may very well become a source of pain to them, thus having the complete opposite affect of what my original and good intentions were.

We humans tend to cling to all kinds of things. We cling to jobs, money, and material gain. We tend to cling to other people, and their approval and recognition. We tend to hold on to our pains and perceived lacks. I have seen far too many good people turn to some sort of addiction in order to cope with the loss and disappointments of ideals that did not serve them well. Their inward battle creates this painful cycle of addiction, and it often steals so many years from their lives. It steals their dignity, and it keeps them from growing inwardly, and out of that pain. It does not have to be that way.

I say this often in my writings because I am deeply convinced of its truth. It takes continual self-examination and self-honesty to recognize even the most subtle clinging to old patterns. I am convinced that so many of our problems can be healed, as well as solved, if we would only take the time to look inward and be completely honest with ourselves. There is no need for harshness and judgment, for that is also futile. Only a willingness, accompanied with great understanding and gentleness, is necessary to turn our concerns, no matter how small they are, over to the great Deity that created us. This can bring about a blossoming and healing in our lives as we experience the maturation process and spiritual growth that will finally enable us to open our hands and let go.

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. ~Lao Tzu

May the sun shine tenderly on you.
May her warmth bring healing comfort to your broken heart.
May the wind whisper his eternal truths into your ears -
May you sense his abiding strength as well as his tender mercies.
May the rain fall extra gently upon your brow.
And may each tender droplet bring new rhythm to your thoughts.
May your tears flow freely that you might feel again and begin to heal.
May life bring its beauty to you, with generosity and with grace.
May it envelope you with new truth and new hope -
That you may find your own beauty which abides so richly in you.
And, may Love embrace you and your children -
As our world cradles you firmly and tenderly in her prayers.

~Viola M. Jaynes

Dedicated to Elisabeth Fritzl on Mother’s Day 2008