Does It Serve Us Well?
The art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging to a particular mood of happiness, but in allowing happiness to change its form without being disappointed by the change; for happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up. ~Charles Langbridge Morgan
From early on, we have certain ideals about the way we think our life should be. During our “terrible twos,” temper tantrums were expressed when things did not go our way. When we became teenagers, we experienced great growing pangs as we entered into early adulthood. Then, as adults, we find ourselves at times in precarious situations because we often are determined to hold tightly to our ideals which can turn into great stumbling blocks.
I have to re-learn this lesson again and again as I have chosen my own ideals. I try to teach my children to have dreams and goals that they would like to work towards. I try to teach them to look at the bright side of life, to see the glass half full instead of half empty. Yet, I am also keenly aware that my own ideals have at times been a stumbling block for me.
In my life, I have noticed that when my ideals serve me well, my life seems to be in harmony. It seems to carry with it an energy and creativity that molds and shapes these ideals into a realistic and workable goal. Mutual giving and receiving seems to take place in relationships that one comes in contact with. It is accompanied with a feeling of well being, acceptance and joy, as well as a sense of gratitude.
During those times when my ideals, no matter how noble they are, work against me, it often follows with a great amount of confusion and disappointment. When these ideals are not met, no matter how hard one reaches for them, they can cause self-doubt and fear. These ideals become heavy stones around my neck when I stubbornly keep carrying this unnecessary weight, which has long become a heavy burden. Not surprisingly, it creates a stooped emotional posture, and looking up to see the world as it really is becomes a difficult task.
I have noticed this tendency in parenting my children. My ideals for the way my children should turn out may not match with the design they were created to be. If I hold to my rigid ideals and unrealistic goals, it may very well become a source of pain to them, thus having the complete opposite affect of what my original and good intentions were.
We humans tend to cling to all kinds of things. We cling to jobs, money, and material gain. We tend to cling to other people, and their approval and recognition. We tend to hold on to our pains and perceived lacks. I have seen far too many good people turn to some sort of addiction in order to cope with the loss and disappointments of ideals that did not serve them well. Their inward battle creates this painful cycle of addiction, and it often steals so many years from their lives. It steals their dignity, and it keeps them from growing inwardly, and out of that pain. It does not have to be that way.
I say this often in my writings because I am deeply convinced of its truth. It takes continual self-examination and self-honesty to recognize even the most subtle clinging to old patterns. I am convinced that so many of our problems can be healed, as well as solved, if we would only take the time to look inward and be completely honest with ourselves. There is no need for harshness and judgment, for that is also futile. Only a willingness, accompanied with great understanding and gentleness, is necessary to turn our concerns, no matter how small they are, over to the great Deity that created us. This can bring about a blossoming and healing in our lives as we experience the maturation process and spiritual growth that will finally enable us to open our hands and let go.
When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. ~Lao Tzu
