Spiritual Things Matter

Sandy Carlson is a blogger friend that often visits my site. I have admired her work as well as her artistic abilities in writing, poetry, graffiti, photography, and making slides. You may visit her site here. She is not only a gifted individual but she also has a very gentle and kind spirit. I appreciate her very much and I wanted to post this essay she wrote. Well done, Sandy!

If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced. (Vincent Van Gogh)

Acceptance and rejection are two sides of a coin that must be invested and reinvested in the creative process. They are insights, holes in the walls that isolate us from the world around us and let in the light of understanding.

It can take time to assimilate both acceptance and rejection and avoid the pitfall of becoming complacent in response to the former and inactive in response to the latter. This can be difficult because artists are vulnerable at every turn in the creative process. They have expressed whatever is true and real in themselves in the truest, most real way possible, and they await a response. Will you stop and look? Give it a thought? Do you get it? Do you care?

On Sunday, I attended a forum on acceptance and rejection at Wisdom House. There, a panel of five artists–sculptor Joy Brown, poet Davyne Verstandig, visual artist and writer Florin Firimita, actress Cady McClain, and music director Tim Stella discussed the place of acceptance and rejection in their lives. Two reflections struck a chord with me.

One came from Florin Firimita. He talked about an experience about 18 years ago, shortly after he had emigrated from Romania to the US via Italy. He had been sitting for five hours with a gallery owner who had seen his work. At the end of the conversation, the gallery owner told him he wouldn’t show Firimita’s work–flowers and landscapes–because it was, he said, wall paper. He told the young artist he didn’t believe his body of work reflected who he was. Firimita spent a year thinking about what this provocative statement could mean. Ultimately, he discovered the gallery owner was right, and he changed his direction as an artist. His florals and landscapes gave way to psychological landscapes that explore the universal themes of identity, love, death, loss, reality, dreams and memories.

The other came from sculptor Joy Brown. She talked about her time in Japan as an apprentice sculptor. She had thrown countless sake cups, but not a one pleased her teacher. So off they went to the dump. The student had more to offer, and the teacher was not willing to settle before she realized it for herself. Accepting that meant accepting a broader horizon full of possibilities. She discovered later, though, that the man who had managed the dump had rescued her little cups from the rubbish and displayed them around his hut. They pleased him; he found them beautiful. These cups were works of art for him though they were merely a step in a broader creative process for Brown.

I’ve known acceptance and rejection. They feel the same to me. I prefer that moment when I am creating and nobody is around and the voice inside says “yes.” I don’t always here it, and it doesn’t last long; it doesn’t have to. The “yes” is the air in the cushion that protects me from the pain of rejection and even the painful challenge of acceptance. The “yes” tells me what I have done is true and good right now. And it asks, “Will you come with me, please?”

Honor the moment of suffering for in such is the kernel of knowledge. Turn inward for in the stillness will be your strength. ~Diane Ethridge

From the very beginning of life, a journey begins in our hearts that will eventually find either a peaceful ending or one of sadness and regret. How enlightening it is when it is realized that this is usually a choice completely of our own making. A choice that I pray will be wise and thoughtfully lived out as our heart travels through this life.

As we learn to be open to life’s experiences, we allow our heart to take note of all the wonderful emotions that we as human beings have been granted. It takes wonderment and curiosity as only a child possesses to live life to its fullest, and to let our heart expand with each phase and with each new experience. It is a great gift to ourselves when we allow our inward child to remain with us until the end of our earthly journey. The joy that child can bring into our lives through its perceptive awareness, is profound.

Coming to the United States at the age of 14, and not being able to speak any English, was a great challenge for me. Growing up in an orphanage, and not ever having experienced the closeness and love of a mother and father, created a feeling of distance between the world and myself. I often felt I had to protect myself at all cost. After arriving in America, I lived with my father and his then wife. I suddenly found myself going to school and work experiencing both a reality on the outside world, and a entirely different reality in my internal world. As a result, I found myself very lonely and afraid much of the time. The dysfunctional behavior from those I lived with only added to the complexity. I felt so alone.

Once, a teenage boy I worked with asked to take me out to dinner. After he brought me back home, he turned to kiss me and I became paralyzed with fear. How would it ever be possible to allow someone to get physically close to me? I turned my head quickly and knew very well that my embarrassment was far more than what would be considered “normal” for a teenager experiencing her first date and her first kiss. At my very core, I realized that I feared “love” and found myself not knowing how to react. I trusted no one with my life, and I continued to shut myself off within but somehow managed to wear my “outward” mask well. During my teenage years and throughout my mid-twenties, I never allowed myself to date because the fear of facing the inevitable rejection that young hearts sometimes experience as they search for love, paralyzed me.

Today, after 19 years of marriage, I can look back at those innocent and fearful years and understand that I often shut life out because I was afraid to open my heart and truly feel the passion that life holds for all of us. Today, I look forward in anticipation to continue to open my heart to other hearts, to new experiences, to greater passions and joys, and to live life truly in its fullness and beauty. As I look back, there is the realization that even in my paralysis, I have gained some wisdom and understanding, for this has been my continual prayer. Today, I bow in thankfulness for God’s grace and love as He continues to heal all areas of this life. Through His wisdom, He has allowed circumstances to come into my life that have made me look at this fearful heart of mine, and to understand that in all things are nuggets of wisdom and insight to be found.

In my contemplation, I realize that my heart has traveled a long journey. At times, I have tired and I have wondered how to continue on. Nowadays, though, I realize that I desire for my heart to keep on traveling, to keep the courage, and to see beauty in all things. To love and be loved, and to understand that even the pain it may bring, compares not to the joy that I feel from allowing my heart to be free from so much unnecessary fear.

Travel on my heart, travel on
It is safe to travel on.
Life holds beauties yet unseen.
Travel on my heart, travel on.

Give freely and gently of your heart
and you will see that it is no longer just in part.
For life is one continuous exchange -
of beauty, love and grace.

Embrace it with wonderment - for it is safe
Love’s eternal presence will always aid.

Travel on my heart, travel on
It is safe to travel on.
Life holds beauties yet unseen.
Travel on my heart, travel on.

Viola Jaynes

It is truly remarkable how high the human spirit is able to soar when listened to. ~Viola M. Jaynes

Listening to someone is a great opportunity to give the other person a profound and lasting gift. Most people are so involved and busy with their own affairs that true listening has become a rare commodity. There is something so generous and unselfish when one is focused on, really focused on another, in order to see with clarity what this person is not only saying with their words but also what it is they are trying to say from their heart. Word language and heart language can be oceans apart, and yet a gifted listener is able to bring the two together - uniting understanding with emotions.

A gifted listener is filled with generosity to give freely of himself. He has set time aside to simply be available for someone else. He also displays courage for he does not feel the need to talk and persuade the other of the greatness of himself, but rather understands the need to simply stand back and allow the other person to fully express themselves. One who desires to truly listen is filled with patience to allow the other to finish talking without unnecessary interruptions. It takes patience to genuinely listen and not be caught up with trivial worry about the many things that need to be accomplished.

A great listener is filled with kindness, mercy and acceptance. It does not matter what might fall on his ears for he understands the humanness of all of us. He understands that there is nothing new under the sun, and through his understanding and acceptance, he will win a loyal and trusted friend. Through his listening, he will discover in himself the other - expressing passionately what he could not. He will have understood even in greater depth what humanity longs for. To be understood, to be heard, and to be truly seen is a cry that spreads over all lands and all people, and not at all unique just to one.

Once a soul has opened their heart, it is a wise person to guard their story and to guard the other person. For should one carelessly spread this trust, as if throwing seed out to be trampled upon, it will only yield pain and bitterness, followed with many tears. Betrayal will break a heart - and perhaps only with genuine humility can it ever be healed again. Trust that is broken is one of the most damaging things that can be done to another human being. It is a heavy burden to bear on the shoulders of the one who has broken such deep trust. It is even a greater sorrow and a deeper wound to the one that was dealt this pain.

Being a great listener is a true honor. It is a responsibility and a privilege that cannot be taken lightly. It takes maturity and self-awareness to understand that all of us are traveling to find a meaningful and lasting path. It does one good when along the way, a trusting friend is found. Such a friend becomes a resting place to renew ones outlook and perspective on life.

Man’s loneliness is but his fear of life. ~ Eugene O’ Neil

Not too long ago, I read an article written by a man that expressed how he viewed the interactions of people. At the end, he concluded that every person cares only for himself or herself. The writer went on to say that no one really cares about anyone else except for a choice few who are directly related to the person such as a mother, father, or a spouse. I thought about that article for a long time. As I pondered, I realized both truths and limitations in it.

Joseph Fort Newton states, “People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.” The fear of not being enough, the fear of doubting ones own substantial existence on this earth, the fear of feeling that the universe itself is not safe and we must guard and protect ourselves from those who would take from us, or from those who want to hurt us - are all reasons why we build walls around ourselves.

We fear the interactions of others due to our own feelings of inadequacy in intellectual discourse, in personal confidence and strength, or in our appearance. As we look closer at these fears, it is realized that the root of all these is simply fear of rejection. Human beings fear rejection above all. It is at the root of so many dilemmas that we deal with both as individuals and as nations.

Yet, as I think of people who reach outside of themselves, I realize that this cynical viewpoint is certainly only one view point- real to many, but not to all.

I’ve written in previous articles on this blog that Fraule, the elderly lady that used to visit us in the orphanage, reached out to my brother and I. The young couple who lived upstairs and who took the place of Fraule once she passed away also reached out to us. Simone, the young social worker who embraced us with such warmth and sincerity, reached out to us children in the orphanage as well. The many wonderful people who gave to a woman who deceived many into believing that she had cancer for two years and was on her “death-bed” for the past six-months - they all reached out to her.

These are all people who gave to someone outside of their own circle. They allowed themselves to build bridges in order to touch another life. The effects are far reaching! Each of us can think of people who will, time and again, display their own convictions that in this world, it is a risk to reach out in love, but it is a risk worth taking.

I can’t help but think of the men and women who are willing to give their very lives to protect and save other human lives - even though the reward is often small or ignored. I can’t help but think when catastrophe takes place, men and women who normally live quiet and unassuming lives step forth and take an active role to give and heal in whatever way they can. I can’t help but notice that most people have a good heart and are willing to give when there is a call to do so.

I am a dreamer! I dream and wish for a day when all men and women lay aside their own own fears. I dream and wish that they would find new freedom of expression and joy. I dream and wish that the fear of rejection will be exposed once and for all, and people everywhere will realize that “There is nothing to fear but fear itself.”(FDR) For how, I ask, can the One who is Whole reject one who is already accepted and created whole? I dream and wish for greater awareness that the presence of each one individual is part of the synchronicity of this universe, and they were meant to be an important part of our universe. I dream and wish that there will be no more loneliness in the hearts of men because love has dispelled this falsity.

I dream and wish for a day that more God Awareness leads to more Self Awareness. Then, the door will open to expand and do what seemed to be unattainable before. This potential lies in our path if only we would dare to lay aside fear and doubt and take hold of divine love - the love that makes all things possible. This love is able to tear the veil of a limited and confined way of thinking, and into the realm of endless creativity, ingenuity, and sacrifice for one another.

All loneliness is dispelled when there is a reason to be. The reasons, my friends, are too numerous to count.

Oh God, “I believe, help thou my unbelief.”