Spiritual Things Matter

When one finally accepts themselves exactly as they are, then and only then, will fear of rejection disappear. ~Viola Jaynes

Rejection is one of those hurdles that everyone will encounter at some point in their life.  It is an illusion that one must learn to use to their advantage in order to grow and learn.

I have seen many good people who, through their encounters with those who rejected them, have accumulated great self-doubt.  It has been painful for them to be completely themselves because fear of rejection has paralyzed them.

Because I experienced rejection as a baby and toddler through parental neglect and then finally being placed in an orphanage, rejection has been acutely painful for me almost all of my life.  Although I have been graced with the strength to follow my own heart - not having the need to be in the in-crowd, so to speak, I have nevertheless experienced profound feelings of rejections in my life.  How does one handle such pain when it comes?  For each one it will be different.

I have often thought about the phenomenon of rejection.  The fear of it.  The falsity of it.  The illusion of it.  And, the amazing potential it has within its make-up to create something in an individual to want to press beyond its pain.  Rejection can be a worthy and fierce enemy.

There is no human being on this earth, no matter how beautiful, how handsome, how powerful, how controlled, how intelligent, or how rich, who does not suffer from the wounds of their own mortality.  Each one of us is deeply wounded.  Therefore, I believe, the rejection of another is an illusion!  It is an illusion precisely because the need to place anyone on a platform reveals our lack of understanding of who we are – or, who they are.

Those who appear to be so in control of themselves struggle as much with their own humanity as we do with ours. Too often we look at men and women who appear larger then ourselves, thinking that they somehow have it all together.  They too have their struggles and their own burdens to carry. Because we have to cope with life, hold down jobs and households, raise children and tend to the responsibilities of life, we have learned to wear our mask secure and tight.  This mask even alienates us from our self.  Because we are not in touch with our true self we hand our own power over to others too easily.  It only adds to the complexity of really knowing ourselves.

Respect is earned!

When one is truly accepted and respected by someone, there is no need to build them up greater in our mind than what they really are.  They will, through their respect for us,  reveal their own humanity freely.  I believe this to be a form of true greatness and humility.  Respect then becomes mutual because the fear of rejection has been taken away.  We can be ourselves and we realize that acceptance is profoundly healing!

When we begin the process of waking  up to this gift we call  “life,” we come to know ourselves much better. We begin to truly learn who and what we are.  Fear of rejection lessens the more we wake up to ourselves.  For some this can take a life time.    I love what the French philosopher and writer, Teilhard de Chardin, once said: ” We are not human beings having a spiritual experience.  We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”  Waking up to life and to ourselves can come to us in many different forms – often in the form of pain.  Rejection is one of them; it is one of man’s greatest fears!  Everyone fears it and we do what ever it takes to flee from it as far as possible.  Even if it means not participating in life itself.

There is something about pain that causes us to give heed to what is happening; we begin to pay attention.  We start listening to our deeper self.  Pain often serves as  a wake up call.  We begin to search for answers - often calling out to God for assistance and mercy.    It it then that we begin to see with another eye - a spiritual eye.  We can now begin to understand life on a different level. Fear of rejection by other mortal men no matter how grant they might appear becomes less painful and less dramatic.  We see it for what it is.  A falsity!

We must never allow ourselves to be housed in by the limitations and expectations of others, nor by their criticism of us or suspicions of us, which are all too often unwarranted.  People will project themselves unto us and it would behoove us to understand this.  No one knows us better than ourselves!  Learning to listen to that still, small voice within our own hearts is the beginning to finding a more sure way for ourselves in this world.

Our inner landscape is rich and generous!  Nurturing ourselves to heal the wounds that we have allowed others to inflict upon us will be a process that will bring us closer to our true self again - closer to God.

We all know the areas we need to grow in but we also know our own strength.  It is time to allow that true Self to emerge and to experience life in the way it was meant for us live.   If we learn to nurture ourselves in this way – life will nurture us!  We will at last experience a much more harmonious existence for ourselves.

Within you there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.  ~Herman Hesse

I wish each of my dear readers blessings in abundance!

Study the heart and the mind of man, and begin with your own. Meditation and reflection must lay the foundation of that knowledge, but experience and practice must, and alone can, complete it. ~Lord Chesterfield

The older I become, the more I realize what is meant when I hear people say that youth is wasted on the young.  So much energy is put into finding ones way in life, creating careers by polishing ourselves through a good education, or specializing in some deed, and than promoting ourselves at every turn.  Although it is very necessary for all these steps to be taken to live a relatively happy and successful life, especially for young people, necessary indeed to have goals in life and pursue them with vigor and relative success,  I can’t help but wonder, how much true self-understanding is developed during this process.  Perhaps it is an unfolding of knowledge into wisdom by those who go past this stage, by those who choose to seek greater meaning and real honesty for their existence.  Chronological age has little to do with this decision.

Some who have been tremendously successful in their careers and have gained unprecedented financial freedom have also given us some honest insight into their lives.  While they have found rewards in the material world, they often find themselves lacking joy and happiness,  or, even lacking a true connection to who they really are.  That is a tragic way to live.  Yet, it is certainly not impossible to change no matter what their age or where they are at in life.  That is the beauty of being human.  We can change our minds about ourselves and our lives as many times as we see fit.

Any kind of discovery takes a lot of work.  Discovering your own profession, be it as a laborer, a healer, an architect, a scientist, an artist, an actor, or an educator, takes a lot of work through pursuing the skills and education needed to make that dream come true.  No less important, and perhaps even more so,  is the pursuance of understanding oneself and ones own existence.

I love what St. Augustine once said:

“People travel to wonder at the heights of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars; and then pass by themselves without wondering.”

We have been given a gift:  Ourselves!  This gift is worth exploring.  The possibilities of its discoveries holds no end.

Some might be tempted to call this journey of true self-discovery, narcissistic.  I can not disagree more.  It is the key to great thinkers and great human beings.  It is a journey not filled with self adulation’s but rather a deeper look into oneself; a look of honesty and true introspection. It is a journey of true humility.

On this path of discovery, it becomes clear that human beings are multifaceted and immensely complicated.  Within each of us resides a vast amount of light – the potential to create good and love in this world, and at the same time, within each of us lies unlimited amount of darkness – that which causes humans to inflict pain, hate, and destruction on each other and on this world. It takes enormous courage to want to discover oneself to its fullest.  It takes vast amount of strength and bravery to look  into the darkest corners of our hearts and minds, without trying to cover up or hide.   Through looking at the darkest parts of who we are we can make a choice to change, or not.   I have the highest regards for those who see themselves as they are.  Moving along in life they find ways to harness and change that dark part of themselves into something good; something that is supportive of who they are and want to be; something that is life giving and not destructive.

When one embraces faith as part of their journey, they will come to believe that the light, the good in them, the ability to create and built instead  of destroying, is greater in them than the darkness that wants to display itself in and through us.  Conscientiously a choice is made which way to project ourselves into the world.  The choice is always deeply personal and always our own.  Always, our own!

Bruce Lee once said that, “All fixed set patterns are incapable of adaptability or pliability.  The truth is outside of all fixed patterns.” This is not only true in the martial arts but also true about the human spirit, soul, and character.  Anyone, who wishes to grow and change,  no matter how young or old they are, can do so by being open minded, flexible, and most of all deeply honest with themselves.   It is the truth of ourselves to ourselves that will set us free from self imposed prisons and torments of restricted believe systems and ill managed relationships.

Knowing your own strength comes with the discovery of who you are.  Truly knowing yourself gives you the perspective you need to learn from your mistakes as well as your successes.   Being yourself allows you to grow and explore;  through understanding yourself comes a greater understanding of the potential that lies within.  I  believe this kind of life lends itself to truer happiness and much greater satisfaction.

It is never too late to become what you might have been.  ~George Eliot

Oh, that silence! That which so intensifies my pain.
Silence drives me to search for a voice that brings comforting reassurance and understanding to a heart that cannot speak. A voice of one who knows the pain of too much love and too much brokenness. A voice of one who understands the human heart with all its potential for light and darkness. This voice I listen for will speak like a slow in-coming wave, with its powerful and majestic thunder-like peace.

It will say:

Speak and withhold nothing.
Speak clearly of that which lies so heavy upon your heart.
Speak, and I will listen, intently and thoughtfully.

Do not hold back, but speak – you who are like a broken arrow,
that you may once again pierce through the impossible.
That you may fly with precision and purpose through that infinite distance
for which you have been created.
Speak, though your chin may quiver as the forces are loosened and the dams are broken.
Speak, oh broken arrow, that you may land in that which has found its purpose in you.

Oh, let that deep wound heal now!
Let your weeping voice pour out;
Let each drop of those tears fill the hollow spaces that your wound has brought to light. May those spaces feel the warmth of your tears
As they penetrate through the driest barriers,
And let its salt become as a healing ointment, filling all empty spaces with understanding and love.

Speak!

Withhold not your deepest of thoughts.
For if you withhold even one thought,
it awaits again, in a silent reservoir
Filling it with your tears as your heart weeps once more,
For it has no place to go but deeper within you,
Making still deeper and wider those empty spaces.

Speak therefore!
Find your long-awaited peace!
Speak now.

~Viola M. Jaynes
March 2008

To weep is to make less the depth of grief. ~William Shakespeare

The land of tears is a mysterious place as each shy tear droplet expresses the beauty of its pain or joy. Tears cleanse our souls and powerfully release the pressure we feel in our daily lives. Tears help us focus our vision and our purpose. It gives us the ability to hear and feel our heart again.

Tears need to be shed as they help the body and soul to cleanse many toxins of bitterness and anger, and of disappointments and shame. Tears help our other organs to stay free of dis-ease and sickness, for if we cannot weep, the body will begin weeping itself. The saltiness of our tears helps to remind us of its cleansing power. Life’s humbling agent has bent us only to discover that our tears have brought new strength again.

I think of those that weep for their marriage wondering if relief will ever come to their private and lonely pain, and longing and praying for oneness and togetherness in its truest form. At the same time, however, they perhaps realize that the shaping of their own character is the forming of a carefully created art piece, and the searching for lasting answers is but a deeper search into their own soul. Love that desires to mature will shed many tears as the changes of life bring new dimensions of truth.

I think of the many parents that weep over their children as they continually search for ways to instill in them an understanding of what is right and what is wrong – making many of their own mistakes in this difficult process of parenting. Many will soak their pillows as they experience their child growing and finding greater independence, often pushing away parental guidance. The fear of loss and control brings many to bitter tears. Yet, perhaps a realization and a finding of their deeper selves will bring thanksgiving into their hearts, and the understanding that our children are never truly ours, but have been given into our care – for only a short season.

My musings take me to lovers. Tears express the language of love, which brings such joy and pain to so many. Innumerable tears will be shed as they learn that the other can never be possessed and that the value of separateness will bring value to their togetherness. Love must always be willing to give as much space as the other requires, for it is in this space that a realization of the gift given draws one back into the circle of togetherness. It is there that a new dance of love can begin again.

It seems to me that those with greater awareness and understanding will weep many tears. For they have been given the gift of greater responsibility. Only with diligence and commitment to yet a deeper and higher purpose will they understand that the solving of human dilemmas can never come from their limited resources, wit, and cleverness. Wisdom cries out – for its effect is far beyond human intellect. It is available to all those who seek it. May their humility give them even greater insight to assit men and women, and boys and girls every where.

With a grieving heart I am ever so aware that as war prevails in our world due to the pride of men, many tears are shed for the loss of precious and innocent lives. The pain of such a loss goes deep, and only the healing balm of God’s grace can mend such broken hearts. Too many children suffer the injustices brought on by a failing system and by failing adults. Those who survive the deep wounds of war are left with a mind tortured by memories too dark and painful to bring to the forefront. And it is precisely then that true healers are needed – those who understand how to till the ground which has hardened during the driest of times; those who have the keenest understanding of how to teach that soul to let go and to let tears flow freely once again. I pray for the peace that this world so desperately needs.

I ponder about the many elderly who have been forgotten and are alone. Their tears flow with many regrets wondering if they could have lived life differently. At the same time, others will shed tears of joy as they see the fruit of their own diligent labor and prayers flourish and thrive. They will not fear death, but will await it with wonderment and thanksgiving.

I know that the downtrodden and lonely hearts cry tears of their own perceived inadequacies. Too often they wonder what it is that they could ever offer this world. Yet, it is in these humble souls that the purity of prayer is heard and answered. Their silent strength is a great gift to this world.

Oh how utterly aware I am that we all will shed many tears due to our frailties, our weaknesses, and our lack of courage. May we find the strength to forgive ourselves. These tears will teach us empathy and forgiveness as we become sensitive in knowing that each person carries a burden. This understanding is the path to forgive others. It is in this continued searching for greater wisdom, courage, and strength that life can be well lived. Our own courage will be realized as we express our regrets to those we have injured. It may be the most healing and meaningful gift we could ever offer – not only to ourselves but also to the other. I pray that we may never fear to be transparent for it is in our tears of honesty, new strength in truth is found.

At the end of this life, it will not have mattered what my profession was and how many wonderful things I have accomplished on this earth. Who I was will have mattered -for it will have left a lasting affect.

Tears are truly a gift – a wonderful gift to ourselves.